


we're just strangers

by whenwordsflyoffthepage



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/F, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, andrew is not and he's happy about it, but don't worry everyone still hates riko, fake dating au, mentions of past kevin/riko, neil and kevin are still exy junkies, neil's in witness protection, renison wedding!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-03-05 02:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 83,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenwordsflyoffthepage/pseuds/whenwordsflyoffthepage
Summary: AU where Neil is in witness protection but still ends up an Exy junkie, Andrew doesn’t play Exy and needs a fake date to Allison and Renee’s wedding, the Moriyama’s aren’t criminals but Riko is still a dick, and Kevin has been living with his father since age 17 and just wants his friends to stop being dramatic so he can play Exy in PEACE





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone! 
> 
> this is the first fic I've ever posted, so I'm kinda nervous but if you read it I hope you enjoy it! I have the first 6 chapters completed and will probably start off posting 1 or 2 a week. I would love to heard your thoughts and feedback so feel free to comment or come talk to me on tumblr (@whenwordsflyoffthepage)!
> 
> also, much thanks to Kit for being my beta! you can find them on tumblr @myfathercomestoallofmygames

The loud, thumping music pounded through the walls of Eden’s Twilight, traveling from the large speakers to the crowded dance floor filled with bodies and up through the legs of the chair Andrew perched on, causing the whiskey in his shot glass to ripple. At least, that’s what Andrew told himself. It had to be the vibrations from the music, because Andrew Minyard’s hands did not shake. 

He downed the shot and ignored the burn in the back of his throat. It was his third of the night but the alcohol hadn’t done anything yet to numb his headache. 

Glancing around the table, Andrew noted how far behind the others he already was. Kevin had finished his allotment of vodka shots and was quickly draining his red bull vodka mixed drink through a straw as if it was a competition. Which it probably was, he realized, as Nicky was mirroring Kevin across the table and trying to suck down his brightly colored drink faster. Aaron was finished with his shots and on to what seemed to be his third mixed drink, no doubt trying to drink as much as he could before midnight hit and the bar shut down since all his drinks were free until then on account of it being his birthday.

“It’s your birthday too!” Nicky had yelled earlier when Andrew had reminded Roland upon their arrival that Aaron would be getting free birthday drinks tonight. He wasn’t wrong, but Andrew hated this day. His history with November 4th only involved bad memories, lonely nights, and, when he wasn’t so lucky as to be left alone, very unappreciated gifts for the birthday boy. So no, Andrew would very much like to pretend today wasn’t his birthday, but that didn’t mean Aaron couldn’t take advantage and celebrate if he cared to. Hence why they were stuck at Eden’s Twilight and Andrew was currently debating between slamming his head down on the table or downing a whole bottle from behind the bar in order to stop the self-destructive birthday related thoughts he couldn’t seem to chase away. 

Andrew’s gaze slid from his family’s frenzied alcohol consumption over to the mass of people crowding the dance floor and then to the bar, where it caught on Roland’s. Roland raised an eyebrow at him and tipped his head toward the hallway door that led to the storage room. Andrew only hesitated a second before nodding. It wasn’t really a good day for him, but he desperately needed a distraction and these shots weren’t doing it. He had been casually hooking up with Roland for long enough now that he knew if he needed to stop Roland wasn’t going to be offended and would understand. Or at least wouldn’t push. He wasn’t quite sure how much Roland “understood” about why Andrew rarely let him touch, but he had never asked why and Andrew wouldn’t have explained anyways. 

Andrew focused his attention back on the table to find Nicky and Kevin arguing over who won their drinking race and Aaron staring at him. Aaron nodded his head in the bar’s direction and silently gave him a look that Andrew knew was asking if he was going to disappear with Roland for a bit. Andrew nodded and stood up to leave the table as Aaron settled back in his chair with his drinks, which Andrew knew meant Aaron wouldn’t leave for the dance floor until Andrew returned to watch the table.

When it first came out two years ago that Andrew and Roland were hooking up, Nicky was predictably excited and Aaron predictably shocked. Aaron had seemed to think he should have known his twin was gay but it’s not like Andrew owed him an explanation or had ever given him a reason to think otherwise. Aaron had quickly gotten over it though and had even stopped with some of his more rude comments toward Nicky’s unending monologue about guys he found attractive. The remarks he made now Andrew usually appreciated as Nicky did like to go into detail and sometimes didn’t know when to shut it. But it seemed Aaron had shaken off the lingering homophobic thoughts his shit mother and idiotic aunt and uncle had impressed upon him growing up and Andrew was slightly proud of him for it. Not that he would ever admit that.

Andrew pushed through the drunken crowd, swerving between people and using his elbows to push them out of his way when he couldn’t get past without touching them. He hated how crowded this place got. A minute later he left the pulsing music and flashing lights of the main room, slipping through the door and making his way down the hall and into the storage room to wait for Roland. The room was lined with shelves that carried a stockpile of every type of alcohol imaginable. He passed the time by leaning against the shelves and counting how many bottles of whiskey they had in the room. It would be so easy to swipe one, but Eden’s had been too good to them so he never had. 

He had almost finished his count when Roland entered and immediately turned to lock the door behind him. Andrew pushed off the shelf and came up behind Roland. He reached out to put his hand on Roland’s hip, intending to turn him around and push him against the door, when Roland quickly spun to face Andrew and took a step back.

“No,” Roland said. 

Andrew froze only for a second before snatching his hand back and stumbling backwards out of Roland’s space. Ice filled his veins in response to that unexpected word, a word that had been ignored too many times when uttered from his own mouth but never uttered from Roland’s before. He dug his fingernails into his palm, commanding his thoughts to remain in the present, and looked up to meet Roland’s eyes.

He expected to see panic, nervousness, maybe even anger. What he didn’t expect to see was… pity. Pity? Andrew Minyard was not someone to be pitied. What was going on?

His confusion over Roland’s expression derailed his panic before it really caught hold. Roland hadn’t said no because of something Andrew did wrong. He didn’t cross a line. Something else was going on.

Roland’s fingers started tapping against his own thigh and Andrew’s eyes tracked the movement. It was Roland’s tell tale sign that he was nervous about something. It was the same fidgeting he did when Andrew had first allowed him to touch him after years of mostly one-sided hook ups. Andrew had only allowed it to happen a few times and seeing Roland was nervous about it too had always eased his own nerves. 

Andrew forced himself to remain silent, letting Roland collect his thoughts, while the room seemed to tense around them. 

“I’m sorry,” Roland started, his fingers still tapping away. “I didn’t mean to-”

“There is nothing to be sorry for,” Andrew cut in. Because there wasn’t. Andrew refused to ever be angry with someone for saying no.

“Yes but…” Roland trailed off for a second, before putting on a sad smile and leaning back against the door. “I have to call it quits between us Andrew. Not because of anything you did. But I’ve started seeing someone. I’m dating someone, I mean.” 

Oh. _Oh._ That’s why Roland was acting all awkward. Andrew had thought something had seemed off when he had first arrived and talked to Roland up at the bar. But he hadn’t noticed anything off last week when he was here. 

Roland interpreted Andrew’s silence wrong and said, “I’m sorry Andrew. I probably should have mentioned it sooner. And bad day for it, right?” Roland gave an awkward laugh and shook his head.

Andrew was about to reply when he finally made the connection between Roland’s sad smile and pity filled eyes. Irritation flared up inside him as he realized Roland was saying sorry because what? He thought he was hurting Andrew or something? That Andrew cared about Roland as more than a casual hook up and had feelings for him? This thing between them was nothing but convenience. Andrew was not someone to be pitied, especially not by someone who should know better. 

The very idea made Andrew want to laugh. He suppressed most of the urge but a huff still escaped him, more mocking and scornful than amused, which was more emotion than he would have liked to let slip but he was annoyed at the moment and not in as much control of himself as he would have liked tonight. He balanced it out with a slight nod toward Roland and a muttered “okay.”

This was unnecessary and he wanted out of this stuffy room. He moved forward and Roland quickly stepped out of the way of the door. Andrew threw it open and paused for a moment to look over his shoulder. 

“It was fun while it lasted,” he said, and walked out the door, letting it fall closed behind him. If it was anyone else, he either would have not said a word or may have made a more scathing remark for thinking he was someone who had to be let down gently, as if this was more than it actually was. But he still liked Roland as a person so he tried to let the irritation fade away. He was also not about to piss off his favorite bartender and risk all the discounted drinks.

When he made it back to the table, Aaron downed the last of his drink and stumbled off to the dance floor to find Nicky and Kevin without a word. Andrew sat down and realized someone had stolen the rest of his shots. Bastards. 

He wasn’t about to go ask Roland for more, and he didn’t want Roland reading into it if he purposely approached Rick, the other bartender working tonight. He resigned to sitting alone at the table for the next hour and concentrated on staring at his empty shot glasses, attempting to get his mind that empty of dark thoughts too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who commented and left kudos on the last chapter, it really made me excited to post this next one! hope you enjoy!
> 
> also: for the sake of getting times to line up, in this fic the Foxes only play Exy at Palmetto for 4 years. just something to keep in mind if you're thinking about the timeline

Exactly a week later, Andrew again found himself back at Eden’s Twilight. And again he really didn’t want to be there. But yesterday the Foxes had played Breckenridge and had gotten crushed, and Kevin hadn’t been able to drown his sorrows in vodka with his father around, so he had saved all his moping for tonight. 

Sometimes Andrew really hated that the universe had stuck him with Kevin as a roommate their freshman year at Palmetto State. Since Kevin’s acceptance to PSU had been late with all the drama of his mother dying during his senior year of high school and finding out Wymack was his father and being shipped off to live with him, the athlete’s dorms had been full by the time Kevin’s position on the Exy team was finalized. So he had been regulated to the normal freshman dorms and Andrew had been graced with the great Exy prodigy Kevin Day as his roommate. Anyone else on campus would have been thrilled to live with the Exy star. Andrew couldn’t have cared less at first, but then cared enough to be ticked off about it when he realized how much of an annoying, arrogant, Exy-obsessed, anxiety-ridden idiot Kevin was. Those first few months had been torture, but then it had changed between them and now it was their senior year and Kevin was still around. Andrew was pretty sure they were Kevin’s only friends not involved in Exy, which was probably a good thing for him actually.

Currently Kevin was mumbling into his drink something about worthless striker subs and incompetent goalies and Andrew was content with pretending he had no idea what any of those terms meant. What the mumbling did mean however was that Andrew was probably going to be stuck dragging Kevin from the car into the house tonight. For someone with such coordination on the court he lost it all the moment alcohol touched his lips.

“Hey!” Nicky yelled, flailing his arms around and wrenching Andrew out of his thoughts by almost knocking his drink over. “Is that Roland? Why’s he on the wrong side of the bar tonight? Hey Roland! Over here!”

Andrew had his back to the bar tonight and didn’t bother to turn around to see what Nicky was yelling at. He honestly didn’t care that Roland had ended things with him. Sure it sucked that his convenient hook up was now gone, but eventually he might be able to find someone who would follow his directions. He was still annoyed that Roland had worried he was hurting Andrew’s _feelings_ over it though. He had thought Roland had known him better than that. 

It wasn’t until Roland appeared standing at the end of their table that Andrew realized what Nicky was yelling about when he said Roland was on the wrong side of the bar. He was dressed in flashier clothes than normal, as opposed to the simple black jeans and Eden’s Twilight shirt he wore while working. Instead he wore tight black pants and an equally tight blue shirt that brought out the blue of his eyes and looked great against his darker skin. 

Andrew didn’t realize how obvious he was being until he noticed someone shifting next to Roland. He glanced over to meet the man’s eyes and the man just raised an eyebrow as if asking what he thought he was doing. Andrew let his bored gaze wander away as he tuned back in to what Nicky was saying.

“I didn’t know it was your day off Roland! I didn’t even know you took days off! Andrew why didn’t you mention that Roland didn’t make our drinks tonight? I knew they didn’t taste as good as normal.”

Andrew just shrugged in response. Kevin mumbled as if agreeing with Nicky but considering his drinks were mostly vodka Andrew doubted they tasted any different than normal. 

“Pull up a chair! Here I’ll go ask for the extra one over at that table.” Nicky hopped up and surprisingly maintained his balance as he walked off to sweet talk the group next to them out of their empty chair. Aaron didn’t say a word but took his feet off the chair he’d been using as a footrest and kicked it over towards Roland. 

“Thanks,” Roland grinned, pulling the chair out further so the brown haired guy with him could sit down.

Nicky came back over dragging his pilfered chair and continued babbling. “So how have you been Roland? I didn’t get a chance to talk to you last week. And who’s your friend here?”

Roland flashed Nicky a smile. “I’ve been good Nicky! Sorry I missed you last week. This here is my boyfriend, Jake.”

The whole table seemed to freeze at the word boyfriend. Andrew saw Aaron go still from where he had been fidgeting with his shot glass. But thankfully he had more tact than Nicky, who couldn’t help but glance over Andrew’s way for a split second. Even Kevin seemed to pause in his drunken mumbling and frown as if he’d heard something wrong. A small part of Andrew wished he had told the others he and Roland were done so they wouldn’t react with this obvious confusion, but the other larger part remembered that the thing between them was inconsequential so why should he waste time informing them about it ending? Roland was welcome to date whoever the fuck he wanted and it didn’t affect Andrew at all.

“Oh,” started Nicky, recovering quickly. “How long have you been dating?”

Roland’s fingers tapped against the table. “Jake and I started talking about two months ago.”

More silence. Before it could become more awkward Kevin suddenly looked up at Roland with a confused expression and slurred, “Roland, I don’t think your replacement put enough vodka in my drinks tonight.”

The tension surrounding their table shattered as Nicky burst out laughing and Roland soon joined in. Even Aaron was trying to suppress a smile as he reached over to push Kevin’s shoulder and said, “You haven’t said the word Exy in five minutes, I definitely think there’s enough vodka in there.”

“What does Exy have to do with my drinks?” Kevin asked with a frown.

Nicky attempted to shush Aaron but it wasn’t very effective when he was still cracking up with laughter at the inside joke. 

Roland turned his smile towards his boyfriend once Kevin turned his attention back to his drink and explained in an undertone. “I once asked Andrew if he bought all of Kevin’s drinks because they were a thing and he told me the only reason he spends the money is because vodka is the only thing that gets Kevin incoherent enough to the point where he shuts up about Exy.”

Andrew ignored the laughter as it continued. It had been the third time they brought Kevin to Eden’s with them and he hadn’t meant it to be funny when he said it. He was just being honest.

The laughter eventually died down and the others moved on to different topics. But every once in a while Andrew would feel eyes on him and look up to see Nicky trying to catch his eye or Aaron giving him an odd look or Roland quickly looking away, probably worried that Andrew couldn’t handle sitting at the same table as Jake. Andrew had handled much worse in his life than an ex hook up’s annoying boyfriend and was getting really irritated that they were all acting concerned about him. 

And really the guy was annoying. Andrew was starting to think Roland had divulged some of his history with Andrew to him because Jake had already made more than one pointed comment about how close him and Roland were and how long they’d been talking. This only served to make Andrew angrier when he thought of Roland telling this random stranger about their time together. Did Jake know how it took years before Andrew let Roland touch him? Was he judging Andrew for not being able to do something that should be so simple? How much happier was Roland now that he didn’t have to worry about rules and boundaries every time he wanted to get off?

The thought of Jake knowing anything that personal about him made Andrew feel sick, but he knew Roland wouldn’t discuss it with him. Roland wasn’t a dick. He wouldn’t do that. 

Jake’s annoying voice saying Renee’s name brought Andrew back to the conversation around him.

“So Roland invited me last week to be his plus one to Allison and Renee’s wedding in January. The Reynolds family is pretty rich right? This wedding is going to be huge.”

“Yeah!” Nicky jumped in excitedly onto what had become his favorite topic in the past few months. “Wedding of the year for sure! Can you believe we all get to go to it? There’s probably going to be so many famous people there!”

“Roland explained he met them through you all. How do you know them?” Jake asked.

“Well both Allison and Renee played Exy with Kevin and graduated two years ago,” Nicky answered. “But Andrew is really good friends with Renee so her and Allison used to tag along with us to Eden’s sometimes. Remember how much Allison loved those special tequila drinks you would make her Roland? I bet if her family hadn’t already lined up the bar service at the wedding she would hire you to make that as the signature cocktail all night.”

Roland laughed. “Allison was always a good time when she came down here. I’m excited to see her again soon. Maybe she’ll sneak me behind the bar at the reception so I can make her one on her special day.”

“You’ll have to make that drink for me sometime,” Jake said. “So Nicky, Roland mentioned you have a boyfriend in Germany, right? Is he coming out for the wedding?”

“Yes he is!” Nicky exclaimed. “He actually saved up enough vacation time to get three full weeks off of work so he’ll be flying out for New Year’s and staying until the wedding! It’s the longest visit he’s had to the States yet so we have so many plans.”

“What about you Aaron?” Jake continued. “A girlfriend right?”

While Aaron slowly replied with Katelyn’s name Andrew realized what this prick was doing. He hadn’t been imagining that Jake must be holding a grudge against him.

“And Kevin is dating Thea Muldani, correct? She plays for that Exy team in Houston?”

Kevin perked up at either the mention of Thea or Exy and he gave a nod in Jake’s general direction.

Finally Jake turned to Andrew. “What about you Andrew? I haven’t heard any mention about your boyfriend. Surely you have a date to your friend’s wedding too?”

Andrew felt everyone’s attention land on him at once. He was used to being looked at with scorn, sometimes fear, sometimes unease. He had never had so much pointless pity and concern faced towards him. And he hated it. They were all looking at him as if he was some broken thing. Something undesirable no one would ever want. 

Nicky had that look in his eyes he used to get when he first came back from Germany to take care of him and Aaron after Tilda’s overdose. Like he was some lonely child who couldn’t survive in the world on his own. Aaron was trying not to look concerned with the line of questioning but was bristling with the need to lash out at this guy for pointing out what Aaron knew to be true: that Andrew didn’t have the capability to get that close to someone. And Roland was wearing that pitying look as if Andrew’s supposed loneliness was all his fault. 

They looked at him as if he knew these things and cared about them. But guess what, Andrew knew he was fucked up and he did not care. His life had sucked from the moment he was born and Tilda decided to throw him away and sure Bee was helping him move on and slowly reach recovery but it was never going to be perfect for him and he didn’t expect that. So why was everyone acting as if him not having a fucking plus one to this stupid wedding was the tipping point to whether his life was on the up or not? They could all take their “concerns” and “good intentions” and go to hell with them for all he cared. 

The problem was the damage was already done. This dick Jake that Andrew didn’t even know thought he was gaining something by making Andrew admit he didn’t have a date to the wedding. Nicky was going to feel so bad over his cousin being “lonely” that he was going to pester Andrew about setting him up with someone until the morning of the wedding, much like Allison had been doing until Renee had finally convinced her to stop a week ago. Roland was going to think Andrew didn’t have a date because Roland was the only guy he ever messed with. Aaron wouldn’t say anything but would continue with the misplaced concern and just make it awkward between them. And Kevin…well Andrew could count on Kevin to not do anything different since he’s always too busy with Exy to worry about Andrew’s personal life.

What Andrew really wanted was for everyone to leave him the fuck alone. But as that was impossible, he decided to shut them all up himself. He would give in to what everyone who had ever considered him a problem listed as their main bullshit concern about him: Andrew was just too unpredictable.

Nicky let out an awkward laugh, obviously not thinking Andrew would deign to respond to Jake’s question. “Andrew doesn’t really date, you see…”

Andrew ignored him and tightened his grip on his long emptied glass. “I already have a plus one,” he said in a slow bored tone, meeting Jake’s eyes. Andrew felt a brief flutter of amusement at the surprise he saw there.

The table descended once again into silence while the club roared on around them, as if their small pocket of space was the eye of a hurricane, a calm center waiting to shift and implode.

“Umm who would that be?” Nicky eventually asked.

Andrew sighed internally and decided he might as well dig his grave deeper. “A guy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks now. I asked him last week.”

No one said anything immediately and Andrew glanced over to see the confused look Aaron was giving him.

“I’ve never talked with you about my personal life before, why do you think I owe it to you to start now?” Andrew challenged.

Aaron accepted that with a shrug and went back to his drink. Aaron’s acceptance seemed to be all Nicky needed to jump right back into his enthusiastic mood from before. 

“That’s great Andrew,” Nicky said. “You’ll have to bring him by sometime!”

Andrew nodded even though he had no intention of doing that. 

Jake chose that moment to butt back into the conversation. “You should bring him by Eden’s sometime so we can all meet him before the wedding. It would be nice to know a few more people before I go.”

“It’s not really his scene,” Andrew replied.

Nicky knew Andrew well enough to realize the topic was over and redirected the conversation despite Jake’s best efforts. 

Andrew almost felt bad for lying to his family like this. They didn’t believe he would lie to them so he knew that even if they were confused they would take his word for it. But Jake didn’t know him, which made him the only one who seemed to get that Andrew wasn’t being entirely truthful. 

Andrew had really just fucked himself over. If he didn’t bring a stupid date to Renee and Allison’s wedding Jake would know he was lying and try to make this a bigger deal than it was. What was Andrew doing wrong to make everyone think he was jealous over Roland? 

Andrew set his glass down and looked at the time on his phone. It was just past midnight so there was no point staying now that it was Sunday and no more alcohol was being served. He looked over at Kevin to see him passed out on the table with his tattooed left cheek in a puddle of spilled vodka. Time to leave.

“Kevin,” he said. No response. “Kevin,” he said louder this time, adding a kick to his chair under the table.

Kevin jerked upright. “What,” he demanded, rubbing over his tattoo with his sleeve where his cheek was dripping with liquid.

Andrew was about to announce they were leaving when Jake decided to solidify his position on Andrew’s long list of hated people. “Are those rumors about how your tattoo is a cover up true? That you used to have the number two that you would have worn if you had played for the Ravens with Riko?”

Kevin and Nicky both flinched at the name, Kevin out of irrational fear and Nicky because someone had just violated the unspoken rule of not mentioning Riko around an intoxicated Kevin. Aaron just sighed and tossed back the rest of his drink.

“Time to go,” Aaron said, dragging Kevin out of his chair and getting him to his feet.

Kevin was still frozen and they needed to get him out of there in case he was about to have another Riko-induced breakdown. Andrew made his way to Kevin’s other side and didn’t say a word to Roland or Jake as they began to half lead half drag Kevin towards the front entrance. He heard Nicky saying something behind him but didn’t wait for him to catch up.

They made it out to fresh air and Andrew forced Kevin to sit on the curb with Aaron and keep his head between his knees as he left to go grab the car.

By the time they made it home and got Kevin calmed down enough to sleep, Andrew had almost forgotten about the stupid decision he had made earlier. It didn’t seem to matter as much in the face of Kevin’s panic over that dirt bag Riko. It really didn’t matter at all actually. Andrew didn’t care what the others thought of him. Having a date to Renee and Allison’s wedding was meaningless and he was stupid for letting that idiot Jake get him worked up enough to feel like he had to claim he had a date to stop everyone from worrying about him. 

But Andrew didn’t believe in regret so all he could do was move forward. Tomorrow he would figure it out but it seemed he had two options: either fake a break up with his imaginary date before the wedding and convince Nicky he didn’t need a replacement, or just bribe someone into being his fake date. How hard could it be?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my goal is to post a chapter every Sunday and Wednesday. with work and school picking up that may eventually change but I have enough chapters written so far that I think I'll be able to stick with it. thanks again for the comments and kudos, I love hearing what you all think!
> 
> also thanks again to Kit for the beta!

Andrew took a drag of his cigarette and slowly exhaled, watching as the chilly November wind outside the window to his right whisked the smoke up and away. 

He was sitting on one of the desks that had been pushed under the single window in the main room of the suite he shared with Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin. The only reason he was smoking inside right now was because Kevin was in class. Kevin was constantly on Andrew about his smoking habit and while Andrew didn’t care what he thought about it, it was annoying to have to get up and leave whenever Kevin started in on one of his lectures about the dangers of smoking and lung cancer.

Andrew only had two morning classes on Tuesdays, so he was done for the day. In a month’s time he would done with the semester, and a few months after that he would be graduating. Aaron would head off to med school, Nicky would fly away to Germany, and Kevin would have signed with one of the pro teams that have been courting him for months. And Andrew would be left behind as his family went off to bigger and better things. 

The thought made him feel… unsettled. He thought that would be the word Bee would use if he explained his thoughts to her. He had avoided the topic so far and she had let him get away with it, but he knew sooner or later it would get brought up and he wouldn’t be able to look the other way. It was inevitable and drawing closer with every passing second. 

The slam of the bedroom door down the hall made Andrew jolt, causing ash to fall from the end of his cigarette onto the windowsill beside him. Aaron appeared a second later with a pile of books in his arms that he rushed over to drop on the desk next to Andrew’s. 

Aaron didn’t even seem to notice Andrew as he continued muttering under his breath and frantically slammed open and close the desk drawers, rifling through papers and notes. Andrew looked over his shoulder to watch him for a few more seconds before speaking up.

“Did your desk eat your homework?”

“Fuck off,” Aaron responded, but without any heat. He didn’t look up or stop his searching as he continued speaking. “I have a meeting for this stupid anatomy group project that’s worth half our grade in thirty minutes and just remembered I’m supposed to be tutoring in the library in twenty. And I can’t even find the damn notes from the last tutoring session!”

Andrew transferred his cigarette from his right hand to his left and spun around on his desk so he was facing Aaron. “That sounds stressful,” he replied while stretching out his legs and propping them up on Aaron’s pile of books. 

Aaron shot him a dirty look for that and pushed the books farther away from Andrew so his heels fell back to the desk with a thud. “It is, not that you’d know.”

He was right. Andrew didn’t know how stressful balancing a demanding pre-med program and tutoring and med school applications was and he was content to never find out. 

“Not true,” he lied. “Sitting here smoking for the rest of the day only to get told off by Kevin is very stressful for me.”

Aaron started to roll his eyes but stopped as Andrew leaned forward to pluck out some papers stuck under a fat medical terminology book that had caught his eye. Sure enough they were labeled “CHEM 127 tutoring” on top and had last Thursday’s date on them. 

Andrew waved the notes in front of Aaron’s face and held them out of his reach when he tried to snatch at them. But instead of trying to grab them again Aaron looked from his anatomy project notes to Andrew to the tutoring notes to the clock on the wall that Nicky had hung up a year ago. Andrew could see the gears turning in Aaron’s head and realized what was going on a moment before Aaron spoke up.

“No,” he said, tossing the notes towards Aaron.

“Come on, Andrew,” Aaron said as he ignored the notes and let them fall. “Just this once. I get paid for tutoring and you can have today’s pay. I can’t miss this meeting but I can’t cancel the tutoring session last minute.”

“Not my problem,” Andrew replied, blowing smoke in Aaron’s direction. “And one session’s worth of pay is not even close to making pretending to be you for an hour worth it.”

“Stop being a dick and help me out for once. The kid is just some dumb jock. He’ll never notice it’s you and not me. And even though you don’t give a shit I know you’re smart Andrew. Teaching this brainless guy chemistry for an hour would be easy for you and you know it.”

Andrew just stared at Aaron in silence. He had no intention of making this deal when the tradeoff was so uneven.

Aaron crossed his arms and groaned as he looked at the clock again. “Fine. I’ll get Nicky to shut up about your new secret boyfriend. He won’t ask you another question about him until the wedding if you go to the tutoring session for me, deal?”

Andrew ground out his cigarette on the windowsill as he contemplated his answer. It had only been three days since he had foolishly claimed to have a date to Renee and Allison’s wedding and Nicky had not stopped with the questions since, no matter how creative Andrew’s threats to fuck off had gotten. Andrew was starting to think Nicky thought he was bluffing about what he would do if Nicky demanded to know all about Andrew’s date one more time. Andrew having to prove he didn’t bluff would not end well. Also, judging by Allison’s text this morning, Nicky had decided to spread the news too. It would be nice to get Aaron to shut Nicky up so he didn’t have to.

Andrew tilted his head and stared at Aaron, enjoying the way he kept fidgeting and glancing towards the clock. Just as Aaron looked ready to burst Andrew answered.

“Fine. Talk to Nicky by the next time I see him or else.”

“Thanks,” Aaron said as he rushed to collect the books and notes he needed for his group project. “Second floor of the library at noon, we usually sit by the tables near the windows across from the café. Just look for the guy with the fucked up face, you’ll know when you see him.”

Before Andrew could ask what the hell that meant, Aaron had run out the room, not even bothering to lock the door behind him.

Andrew got off the desk and reached down to pick up the notes Aaron had left on the ground. He flipped through them, skimming quickly to see what concepts Aaron was suppose to be going over with this jock. He sighed to himself, grabbed his backpack from under his desk to shove the notes in, and set off to waste an hour he could be spending doing absolutely nothing to instead help educate what was probably going to be an uninteresting, self-absorbed jock. 

It took ten minutes for Andrew to walk across campus and make it to the library. He hadn’t spent much time in here, so it took some wandering around before he found the second floor café Aaron had mentioned. He located the nearest set of windows and started walking over, scanning the people at the tables to find who he was looking for. 

He was halfway down the row of tables when someone at the table in the corner caught his attention. He was wearing a bright orange hoodie that Andrew recognized as being one the school’s athletes wore with their numbers on the back and had been leaning his elbow on the table with his face in his hand, but when he shifted in his seat and took his hand away Andrew realized what Aaron had meant by his earlier comment.

What looked to be burn scars covered his left cheekbone and Andrew thought he could make out scars across his knuckles too. The early afternoon light filtering through the library window lighted upon his hair, making the red shade look fiery and bright. As if feeling someone watching him, he glanced up and his icy blue eyes met Andrew’s. 

Recognition flitted across his features so Andrew went to sit at his table. 

“You’re late,” he said, looking away from Andrew and shuffling his papers around. Aaron may have been right about his face being fucked up, especially since Andrew had also just noticed three long scars running down his right cheek now that he was closer, but Aaron had obviously missed the more important part, like how underneath the scars his face was very much _not_ fucked up.

Andrew forced himself to look away and pulled out Aaron’s notes. He suddenly realized Aaron hadn’t told him what this guy’s name was. He busied himself with flipping through his notes as he snuck glances at the guy’s papers strewn across the table until his eyes focused on a homework assignment with the name Neil Josten written on top.

“So Neil,” Andrew drawled, testing the name out on his lips. Wait, Aaron wouldn’t do that. Andrew actually had no idea how Aaron would behave during a tutoring session. On one hand, he would be blunt and abrasive because he thought he was wasting his time with some dumb jock who couldn’t care less about the subject. Or he would suck it up since it was a paying job and act civil, which for Aaron would mean apathetic and bored. 

Andrew decided to play the latter. “Explain to me what we left off on last Thursday so I can see if you retained anything.” Close enough, he thought.

Neil leaned back in his seat and slowly released a breath. It seemed someone wasn’t a fan of chemistry. Or Aaron. Probably both. 

“We left off talking about sp hybridization and the orbital structure each leads to. Dr. Lechow said on the study guide a large part of tomorrow’s midterm would focus on that,” Neil said while sliding the aforementioned study guide over to Andrew.

Andrew looked between it and Aaron’s notes and was thankful Aaron was meticulous when it came to anything class related. He must have had a copy of the study guide somewhere because on the last page of notes he had outlined the most important topics from the study guide to review with Neil.

Andrew slid Aaron’s notes so Neil could see them and pointed to the top. “Let’s start here.”

Neil leaned forward to better see the paper and graced Andrew with a very unwanted, up-close view of his long eyelashes. Andrew decided right then he hated Neil.

For the next twenty minutes Andrew slowly went through the topics Aaron had outlined. For the most part he just listened to Neil try to reason his way through the concepts and corrected him when he got it wrong or elaborated when he didn’t seem to have a good grasp on it. 

It wasn’t until Neil had explained the concept of the VSEPR theory wrong twice despite his corrections that Andrew slipped up. “Stupid sports obsessed junkie,” he muttered in German under his breath. Before he could tell Neil to try again, Neil looked up from the paper and rolled his eyes at Andrew.

“And you’re an annoying midget. Can we get back to the teaching part now?”

Andrew didn’t care about the insult, but what he did care about was that it was said in German. Aaron was about to owe him double for his troubles today.

Neil must have caught on to his momentary surprise because he suddenly stilled. The way he looked at Andrew took on an assessing quality, like he was sizing up a threat in his midst. 

Fuck, Andrew thought. “Fine,” he said. “Try again. Try to remember that-”

“You’re not Aaron,” Neil interrupted, gripping the side of the table so hard his knuckles went white. “Aaron already knew I speak German.” 

Andrew thought Aaron had claimed Neil was just some dumb jock, not some overly suspicious scarred rabbit that looked like he was ready to bolt at anything that unnerved him.

Andrew leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. His day just kept getting better. “You’re right, I’m not Aaron.”

They sat there in silence until Neil broke it. “Then who are you?”

“Andrew,” he answered. Neil just kept staring at him with narrowed eyes so he supplied, “Aaron’s twin.”

Neil’s brow furrowed in confusion, likely trying to remember if Aaron had ever mentioned a twin, then his expression gave way to irritation as he began packing up his things, shoving them with little care into his backpack.

“Nice to know Aaron cares about his tutoring side job so much he’ll send out his twin when it’s too inconvenient to come himself. Last time I listen to my teammates about anything.” 

Andrew didn’t say anything as Neil packed up his things and left. Aaron had just said Andrew had to come as him to the tutoring session, he hadn’t said anything about making sure it lasted the full hour. 

Neil was interesting though. Between the scars on his face and hands, his fluency in German, and the way it only took a quick pause on Andrew’s part for him to realize Andrew wasn’t Aaron (something that most people never caught on to even when the twins didn’t put on an act), Andrew suspected there was more to the rabbit that he kept well hidden. Figuring out those secrets might be entertaining for a while, but Andrew wasn’t quite sure if it would be worth the trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for all the lovely comments and the kudos! I hope you enjoy this latest chapter :)
> 
> & thanks to Kit for the beta!

Andrew appreciated the normalcy of a routine. His typical Thursday routine went like this: wake up at five thirty, tell Kevin to wake up, get dressed, tell Kevin to get up again, make coffee, yank Kevin out of bed so he wouldn’t miss his stupid morning Exy practice, drink coffee, go to his seven to nine class, go to his nine to eleven class, come back to the suite and smoke, eat lunch, find some mind numbing TV show to watch or book to read, ignore Nicky’s ramblings when he got back from class, get dinner, go to the gym with Kevin, have a nighttime smoke on the roof, then sleep. Easy, simple, and like clockwork. Aaron staring at him during his first smoke break of the day and trying to make another deal with him was definitely not a part of this routine and as such was very unappreciated. 

“No,” Andrew repeated on his exhale, smoke swirling out of his mouth.

“Stop being so difficult and help me out for once,” Aaron replied, looking stressed out and frustrated. He seemed a second away from stomping his foot on the ground like a child.

Aaron’s ignorance sometimes made Andrew want to lash out. “Help me out for once,” he had said. As if Andrew hadn’t spent almost half of his life at this point trying to help Aaron out. But Andrew couldn’t begrudge Aaron his ignorance when he would never let him find out about Cass and Drake and his real reasons for being sent to juvie. Aaron would never understand all the things Andrew had done for him and Andrew didn’t need him to. But that didn’t mean Aaron’s careless words didn’t strike him sometimes. Andrew thought Aaron was the only one who could really get to him that way, and he didn’t know what to think about it.

“As if you’d do the same for me,” Andrew shot back, carefully maintaining his unaffected tone of voice. 

Aaron paused for a second, brow furrowing in confusion, as if trying to decipher the actual meaning of Andrew’s words. “What do you want?” he asked, the hesitation in his words betraying that he wasn’t quite sure this was the right response. 

Andrew thought this over. Honestly, he was surprised Aaron was even asking. He hadn’t told Aaron about how Tuesday’s tutoring session had ended, but he had assumed Neil would have mentioned it to him with the way he had stormed out of there. Andrew had been preparing for Aaron to come yell at him for it, not to beg him to go in his place again. 

Part of Andrew didn’t want to disrupt his routine further and deal with Neil’s ire at the wrong twin showing up again. The other part of him considered Neil’s flightiness, his scars, his eyes, his wary observance, and thought the answers might be interesting. He didn’t know why he kept getting distracted by thoughts of Neil, but he figured the distraction might be entertaining for a while.

Andrew took a last drag and stubbed his cigarette out on the windowsill. He stared at Aaron for a few more moments before speaking.

“Nicky wants us to get fitted for suits over Christmas break?”

Aaron nodded.

“Get mine for me. I don’t want to waste my time there.”

Aaron was silent and the expression on his face said he was surprised he was getting off this easy. Andrew didn’t want people touching him and taking his measurements though and figured him and Aaron were close enough in size that Aaron could manage getting him a suit for the wedding without Andrew needing to be present. 

Andrew hopped off the desk and silently held his hand out for Aaron’s tutoring notes. Aaron handed them over and Andrew packed them away. 

“Did Neil say anything to you after the last session?” Andrew asked.

Aaron shook his head, probably thinking Andrew was wondering if Neil had figured out their trick yet. “No, just asked if I was showing up on time today.”

Andrew was thankful Aaron didn’t realize that was Neil’s way of asking if the right twin was coming to the session. He just nodded and headed out the door, locking it behind him.

* * *

“You’re late again Andrew,” Neil said, all narrowed eyes and folded arms, practically radiating distrust and displeasure. 

That was… fast. Andrew had thought he might be able to pull off at least a minute or two before Neil realized who was sitting across from him. 

Andrew just raised a brow in response, silently asking Neil how he knew that was true. 

Neil flicked his eyes to where Andrew’s hands rested on the table in front of him. Sure enough his sleeves had slid back an inch, revealing his armbands underneath. Andrew fought the urge to pull his sleeves back down and hide them. Neil had somehow already noticed, messing with them now would just draw more attention to them. 

The tense silence was broken after a long minute by Neil standing up to leave.

“Where are you going?” Andrew asked unhurriedly.

Neil threw him an annoyed look. “Seeing as my tutor thinks I’m too stupid of a lost cause to waste his time on, I was leaving.”

Andrew sighed as Neil turned his back on him. “Sit down and stop running Neil.”

Maybe someone else would have missed the hitch in Neil’s step at those words, the tensing of his shoulders and slight faltering in his composure, but Andrew was too attuned to other people’s movements to overlook it. He wasn’t positive what caused it, but maybe that running comment had hit close to home. Interesting.

“It isn’t about you,” he continued when Neil didn’t move. “Aaron is busy with some huge anatomy project and the group refuses to schedule meetings at a time other than now. If you sit back down I could see if getting you to pass this class is feasible or not.”

Neil wavered for a few more moments before turning back towards the table and sitting down. He didn’t say a word to Andrew as he took out his chemistry notes and tossed them on the table.

Andrew waited to see if anything else was forthcoming, but when Neil remained silent he started in on the first concept Aaron had listed on today’s notes. 

Twenty minutes in Andrew got confirmation on what he had already guessed: Neil was smart. Maybe not Andrew’s perfect memory smart, and not Aaron’s dedicated and methodical smart, but smart in his own way. It just so happened his own way didn’t seem to be compatible with either the teacher’s approach to chemistry or Aaron’s approach. 

Thirty minutes in Andrew had worked out a better way to explain the chemistry concepts to Neil in a manner he could wrap his mind around.

Forty minutes in Neil’s hostility had disappeared as he began to breeze through the problem set he was working on. 

By the time the hour was up, Andrew was feeling pretty content with his unexpected teaching abilities and Neil seemed confused on whether or not he should be appreciative that Andrew had actually explained everything in a way that he was finally understanding. 

That confusion presented itself in Neil biting his lip as he slowly packed up his things and Andrew had to tear his gaze away. 

“So,” Neil started off, seeming unsure how to go on. “Will you be coming back next week then?”

That was… unexpected. “No,” Andrew answered, and didn’t miss the slight disappointment that flashed across Neil’s features. “I was under the impression you preferred Aaron as your tutor.”

“Well,” Neil started again. He finally glanced up to meet Andrew’s gaze. “In the two months Aaron’s been tutoring me, I haven’t understood as much as I did today with you. And I really need to pass this class. I’m not sure I did too well on yesterday’s midterm and if my grade drops anymore I’ll be in danger of getting benched for the season.”

“What team do you play for?” Andrew asked. It was meant to be a throw away question to give himself more time to decide if he wanted to go through with what Neil was implying. Andrew should have known his life was never that simple.

“I’m on the Exy team,” Neil said.

Andrew’s thoughts came to a startling halt. The Exy team? Of course he played Exy. Neil’s comment from Tuesday about not listening to his teammates suddenly made sense. Who else would have recommended Aaron as a tutor besides their own roommate?

“You play with Kevin.” It was a statement, not a question.

Neil answered it anyways. “Yes, do you know him?”

Oh Andrew knew Kevin. And he knew that if Kevin had sent Neil to Aaron for tutoring then he actually was invested in whether Neil played or not. Comments Kevin had made about strikers needing to pull their own weight and get their act together came forward in Andrew’s mind. Normally Andrew would brush any and all Exy related thoughts aside, but this meant that if Kevin found out Andrew could’ve prevented his protégé from getting benched and didn’t do it, Kevin would be absolute hell to deal with. 

Andrew spun his pen around his fingers as he contemplated the newest dilemma he had gotten into. While pissing off Kevin was always entertaining, this would be something Kevin wouldn’t let go for a long time. But if he said yes to Neil, what would he be getting out of it besides avoiding Kevin’s wrath? Neil was certainly interesting but…

Andrew’s thoughts clicked into place at the same time his pen slipped out of his fingers and fell to the table. Maybe he could solve both his problems with one deal. Making this deal with someone who knew Kevin, who probably knew the others depending how long he’d been on the Exy team, might not be the best idea. Andrew must not be as smart as he thought he was. 

“Yes,” Andrew said out loud.

Neil seemed to realize this yes wasn’t in response to his question about Kevin. “You’ll continue to tutor me?”

“If you make a deal with me.”

Neil’s wariness that had faded over the past hour, though it certainly never went away completely, made an abrupt reappearance. “And what deal would that be?”

Andrew picked up his pen from the table and began to spin it again. “I ensure you pass your chemistry class so you can continue to play your stupid stickball game with Kevin.”

Neil nodded and didn’t react to his dig on Exy. Bummer, Kevin was always furious when he or Nicky referred to it as that. 

“In exchange, I seem to be in need of someone willing to pretend to be my date for a wedding in January. You will do.” 

It took Neil a minute to register his words. “You are saying you want me to be your date to a wedding?” he questioned slowly, as if confused by this conclusion.

“Pretend to be my date,” Andrew clarified. “So everyone will stop bugging me about needing to find one.”

“When is it?”

“January 6th.”

Neil thought it over for a moment before agreeing. “Okay. That’s simple enough.”

Neil’s easy agreement inspired Andrew to push for a bit more.

“I hate the library,” he said. “If I’m continuing to tutor you we won’t meet here. And my place is too crowded as it is.”

“My apartment is a block from campus,” Neil supplied. “We can meet there from now on if you want. Or some place else if you have any in mind.”

Andrew reached into his backpack and tore off a blank edge of Aaron’s notes. He scribbled his number on it and slid it across the table to Neil. 

“Your place is fine. Text me your address and I’ll see you the same time Tuesday.”

Andrew got up and walked away before he could get himself into any more trouble. Sure, this deal would keep Kevin off his back, help Aaron have one less thing to worry about, and solve his fake date issue, but the look Neil had on his face, that look that said he was thankful for Andrew’s help but didn’t quite know how to accept it or express it, was too dangerous to keep looking at. Andrew had really thought he was smarter than this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the first chapter from Neil's POV! from now on I'll be switching between the two. hope you enjoy!
> 
> as always thanks Kit for the beta!

Neil Josten stood on his small balcony and inhaled the smoke drifting up from the cigarette he held cupped in his hands. He watched it burn to the filter without taking a drag, mesmerized by the way the fire hidden inside slowly engulfed everything and crumbled it all to ash. 

Cigarette smoke always made him feel an odd combination of lonely and safe, reminding him of his mother’s unique brand of protection while simultaneously dragging up the grief over her death that never quite disappeared. 

It had been just over three and a half years since he buried her on that beach in California. Three since he failed his mother and was found by his father, wasting her sacrifice. Three since he was burned and cut to pieces for their sick entertainment. But it was all worth it considering three years ago he also had the pleasure of witnessing his father and Lola be ripped apart by the Feds’ bullets right in front of his eyes. Neil knew his current teammates would never be able to look at him the same if they knew, but Neil considered that one of the best days of his life. 

Neil ground out his cigarette and tossed it in the corner of his balcony where he had thrown the others. He should probably move the growing pile to the trash soon before the wind scattered it everywhere. 

He left the cold and stepped inside his warm apartment. He surveyed the area, acting as if he was seeing it for the first time. He was standing in the small main room and the door to his bedroom was closed. Besides the couch along the wall to his left and the low table in front of it, the place was pretty bare. Dan had stuck a few pictures to his wall the times she had visited over the past year, but that was the only personal touch. Neil’s backpack and laptop sat on the table and a few dirty mugs were still on the kitchen countertop. Neil went over and placed them in the sink.

Neil didn’t know why he was feeling nervous about Andrew coming over. Well, maybe he did. Neil had let a total of three other people inside since he moved in. Well two, Dan and Matt. He didn’t _let_ Kevin in; Kevin had just barged in a couple times. 

But Neil knew them all. Matt had befriended him as soon as he joined the Foxes his second year at Palmetto State and when Dan came back to visit, she instantly decided to be Neil’s friend too. He didn’t quite understand their choice, but he was grateful for it. While Kevin had come over a few times mainly to yell at him for something Exy related, Neil mostly trusted him. He was the one who had convinced Neil to join the Foxes at the end of his first year after all. 

Neil didn’t know Andrew beyond the fact that he was a surprisingly good tutor when he wasn’t busy throwing out pointless insults about Neil’s intelligence. He didn’t know why he’d agreed so easily to letting the tutoring sessions take place at his apartment. This was the opposite of being careful. 

Even though Neil’s mother’s voice still haunted his thoughts with promises of not looking back and not trusting anyone, Neil knew, objectively, the past was behind him. He was safe here. He was officially Neil Josten, number 10, striker for the Palmetto State Foxes. He was also secretly in the Witness Protection Program, which was a fact known only by him and Coach Wymack, who had needed to know why Neil’s background didn’t make a lot of sense when he was filling out the paperwork for Neil to become a Fox. 

His father’s ring was disbanded, Jackson and Romero caught last year, and Neil was free to pursue his dreams of Exy. That didn’t stop him from being chilled right to the bone whenever a connection to his past was brought up though. He doubted that would ever go away. 

A loud knock on his front door made him jump and he quickly moved to get the door, grateful for a distraction from the dark turn his thoughts were taking. 

He swung it open and found himself face to face with Andrew. They were both silent for an awkward moment before Neil took a step back and gestured for him to walk inside.

Andrew stepped in and glanced around. Neil closed the door and walked over to the couch, trying not to think about how Andrew was noticing just how bare the place was. 

Neil sat on the couch then remembered he didn’t have any other seats to offer. He pulled his feet up in front of him and slid back so he was facing sideways with his back to the couch’s armrest. 

“You can sit here,” he gestured at the other side of the couch. 

Andrew didn’t say anything but he listened and sat down where Neil had indicated. 

Neil leaned over to grab his chemistry notes out of his backpack as Andrew did the same. He laid them out on the couch between them and watched as Andrew flipped through his. 

Andrew’s sleeves had again slipped down a few inches to reveal the black armbands underneath. They were how Neil had been able to tell it was him and not Aaron at the beginning of their last meeting. Now that Andrew had stopped trying to pretend to be Aaron, it easy to tell them apart by their attitude too. Aaron was brisk, all business, and tended to talk to him as if he was an idiot. He was pretty sure Andrew shared the same sentiment, but he didn’t speak to him the same way. He just spoke honestly, not afraid to tell Neil he was wrong but willing to explain how and correct his thinking. He also maintained a more blank, apathetic look while Aaron tended to let impatience seep into his from time to time. 

Andrew must have noticed Neil’s gaze because he pulled his arms in close and pulled down his sleeves. Neil wanted to ask, but Andrew hadn’t made one inquiry or disgusted look toward his scars, which was unlike most people, so Neil decided to swallow his questions in thanks. 

“So,” Neil started, leaning over his crisscrossed legs to tug out a paper and hand it to Andrew. “I got my last midterm back. It didn’t go too well.”

Andrew took the paper and glanced at the D written on top. “I can see that,” he said. “Not my problem.”

“You’re my tutor,” Neil replied. “It’s just a little bit your problem too.”

“No,” Andrew argued. “This grade was Aaron’s fault. I didn’t start officially tutoring you until after. I’ll calculate later what you have to get on the final to pass and I’ll get you there.”

“Okay,” Neil said, not sure what to do with Andrew’s easy confidence that Neil would pass the class no problem. “Should we go over what I got wrong on it now?”

Andrew shook his head and dropped the paper between them. “Considering what you got wrong is the majority of the test, that would take too long. We will continue with Aaron’s lesson plans for today and go over it before the final a different day.”

Neil ignored the insult and leaned his elbow on the back of the couch, resting his face in his hand. Andrew flicked his eyes up at him for a second before focusing back on Aaron’s notes. Neil had noticed that Andrew often glanced at him when he thought Neil wasn’t paying attention. He didn’t know what to make of it besides thinking that Andrew was almost as untrusting as he was. 

For the next hour Neil’s mind was filled with all things chemistry: from acids and bases to pH calculations to molarity problems. He didn’t quite understand how it happened, but Andrew had seemed last week to have figured him out enough to know how to present the information to Neil in a way he understood it. Being understood that easily, even if it was just his learning style, was a bit unnerving. He decided to push aside the feeling in the name of maintaining his position as a striker.

When the hour was up, Neil leaned into the side of the couch and rested his head on his arm. His mind was swimming with chemistry and he was thankful it was finally over for the day. 

He watched as Andrew glanced around the room, a question forming in his mouth. Neil was apprehensive for a moment, wary of what the question would be, but it was uncalled for and faded away once Andrew spoke.

“Why don’t you live in Fox Tower like the rest of the athletes?”

That was an easy enough question. Neil couldn’t tell the whole truth, such as the part where Witness Protection had set him up with this place, but a half-truth would do. 

“I didn’t know anyone when I started at Palmetto and didn’t want to share a dorm room with someone I had never met,” Neil explained. “So I rented this place instead. When the I joined the Foxes after my first year, I didn’t see a point in giving it up.”

In truth, Neil liked having his own space. Matt had offered him a place in his dorm once they had become friends in Neil’s second year, but Neil was too used to being on his own and had declined. It was lonely sometimes, but Matt had graduated and there wasn’t anyone left in Fox Tower he cared enough about to make moving in there worth it. 

Andrew nodded but made no move to leave. It should have bothered Neil, but he found he didn’t mind Andrew’s presence. 

“Ask me a question,” Andrew said when Neil remained silent.

Neil sat up straight and wondered what was going on but he decided to play along. He hummed, reaching for something, anything. His mind first went to the armbands, but for some reason instinct was telling him that would be too serious a question to start out with. He settled on something simpler.

“How did you convince Aaron you’d take over tutoring for him?” Neil asked. Andrew had notes from Aaron on what to go over and he was a bit curious as to how the switch had happened. 

“He’s too stressed right now to care about why I would agree.” Andrew answered. “I just told him I’d show up to the tutoring sessions if he continued to make his meticulous lesson plans on what to go over with you. He’s probably just glad I’m helping him out for once in my life.”

Neil didn’t comment on the slightly bitter edge Andrew took on as he finished that sentence. He figured it would be too personal a question to ask about. 

“Do you own a suit?” Andrew questioned. 

The question was so off topic that it took Neil a moment to put together why he would ask it. 

“Do you mean for the wedding?” Neil asked.

Andrew nodded.

“Yeah I do. Kevin made me buy one for the banquet last year, even though it really isn’t that formal of an event.” Kevin had badgered him into it, saying he needed to look the part if Kevin was going to invest his time into him. Neil didn’t really understand how his clothes would convince others at the banquet that he was serious about his seemingly late started Exy career, but he had stopped trying to get answers that made sense out of Kevin. 

Silence reigned again until Neil realized it must be his turn to ask a question. He decided to address something that had started to make him nervous as soon as he had actually sat down and thought about what he had agreed to last Thursday. 

“So when you say I’m pretending to be your date to that wedding, what exactly does that entail?”

Andrew just gave him an unreadable look. “I don’t know Josten,” he said with a rare show of sarcasm in his voice. “How do people who are dating normally act?”

Neil swallowed and fought the urge to hide from Andrew’s gaze. “I’m not sure exactly. I’ve never actually dated someone or been interested in someone that way before.”

It was never something he had cared about. Sure, people asked about it all the time. For some people it seemed dating and love and sex were always on their mind and they found it weird when it wasn’t someone else’s priority too. But Neil had never shied from clearly stating he wasn’t interested in any of that. Except he could feel Andrew’s questioning gaze on him and part of him worried that Andrew would cancel this deal now that he knew Neil had absolutely no experience in dating whatsoever. 

“Okay,” Andrew said, breaking Neil away from his worries. Neil looked up to meet his gaze but Andrew was looking down as he fidgeted with his sleeves. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. It’s not like my family expects me to show any type of affection to someone else. We don’t even have to touch. Don’t have to kiss. They’ll be surprised enough that someone is willing to claim to be dating me, you won’t have to prove it beyond just sitting there with me.”

“That sounds fine,” Neil said. He was slightly taken aback by Andrew’s words, considering that was the most Andrew had spoken to him at once on something not related to chemistry. But he already felt calmer about the whole thing. Neil had spent his whole life pretending to be other people and while he could probably pull off anything Andrew wanted him to, he preferred not having to act different than he normally would. Neil Josten had started off as another fake name, but over the past three years had become the most real person Neil had ever been. He didn’t want to compromise that any more than he had to. 

Andrew started to pack up his things and got up off the couch. With the questions game that had started Neil realized he had almost forgotten the question he had for Andrew from the beginning.

“Um Andrew?” he asked to get his attention. “Thursday is Thanksgiving, so I’m assuming we won’t have a session.” Andrew nodded at this. “But finals are in two weeks so I was wondering if you would mind if instead of cancelling it we just move it. Maybe to this weekend. Is that all right?”

Andrew thought for a second then responded with, “I’ll be back in town on Sunday. Does that work?”

“Yeah that’s fine,” Neil said. 

Andrew turned to leave and for some unknown reason Neil didn’t feel ready to be left in the silence of his lonely apartment. 

“Wait,” Neil called out.

Andrew turned around as he reached the door and raised a brow in question.

“Don’t you have another question yet?”

“Plenty,” Andrew replied after a pause, and slipped out the door.

Neil hoped that meant Andrew would start the question game again on Sunday. Learning about Andrew seemed a lot more intriguing than learning about chemistry did.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for all the comments and kudos and thanks Kit for the beta!

“Aaron move, move, move! Get out of the way, this is hot!” Nicky’s shrieking echoed throughout the house as he moved the turkey from the oven to the countertop. He had been frantic all morning preparing what he was calling “the best Thanksgiving dinner ever.” Andrew had chosen to hide on the couch with a book, hoping Nicky knew better than to try to rope him into cooking. 

They had driven down to Columbia last night and after a stop at Eden’s, where Roland had served them drinks while still not acting normal around Andrew, they had come home. Nicky’s home, technically, but it was as much theirs as his by now.

Kevin groaned on the other side of the couch where he was watching an Exy game on his laptop. Usually he spent Thanksgiving with his father and Abby, but Wymack was out of town this week so Kevin had tagged along with the cousins. 

Ever since Andrew found out Neil was on Kevin’s team, he had wanted to ask Kevin about him. But he had told everyone that night at Eden’s Twilight that he’d been seeing someone for a few weeks. Asking about Neil now wouldn’t quite fit into that story.

He knew he was going to have to tell everyone Neil’s name eventually. Neil had told him he officially joined the Foxes his second year, which had to be the beginning of last year, so Matt would have still been on the team. Which meant Matt knew Neil. And Matt was Allison’s “man of honor” in her and Renee’s wedding. And Kevin knew Neil. And Aaron knew Neil. Andrew had really fucked this up. Why did Neil have to be too interesting to avoid?

Kevin made another pained noise while gesturing at the players no doubt making a stupid mistake on his laptop. Andrew responded by taking the pillow next to him and chucking it at Kevin’s head.

“What the fuck Andrew?” Kevin complained.

“Quiet,” Andrew replied, without looking up from the book he wasn’t actually reading.

Kevin huffed and turned in his seat so his back was to Andrew and his laptop was balanced on the couch’s armrest. Andrew suppressed the amusement he felt at Kevin’s pettiness.

The fact that he and Kevin were still friends surprised him at times. If anyone who had lived on the same floor as them in the dorms the first semester of their freshman year were to see them now, they’d be surprised too. Andrew and Kevin hated each other back then.

It had gone like this: Aaron had received a scholarship to Palmetto State’s pre-med program. Nicky needed a college degree before he could get a job at the company Erik worked at in Germany. Andrew had no plans after high school except to find a way to burn Tilda’s life insurance money. Instinct had pushed him to waste the money on the most expensive car he could find, but then he realized Tilda had never believed he was worth much. That Andrew would never find his way out of the gutter she’d dumped him in. Some days he still believed he hadn’t, but spiting her memory by using her death money to put himself and Nicky through college, with the added benefit of being close enough to keep tabs on Aaron, seemed like a fitting idea. 

So Aaron, Andrew, and Nicky all ended up at Palmetto State. Aaron was annoyed at first that his twin and cousin were following him, and with no deal binding him to Andrew any longer, he avoided Andrew their entire first semester. Cruel fate had roomed Aaron and Nicky together so Aaron didn’t have the option of avoiding Nicky. 

Andrew had requested a room alone and had gotten it. At least until Kevin Day made a late decision to enroll at Palmetto and Andrew got stuck with having to share his room after all. Andrew was not happy and decided to show it by ignoring Kevin’s existence, but Kevin did not like to be ignored. Their first semester living together soon devolved into a war. 

Kevin found out Andrew had once played Exy in juvie. Andrew told Kevin he could shove his stupid stickball sport up his ass. Kevin told Andrew he was a worthless midget. Andrew threatened to cut out Kevin’s tongue. On and on it went. People on their floor yelled at them as often as they yelled at each other to just shut the fuck up for once. The RAs had to break up more than one fight between them that had gotten physical. 

Then one night, Kevin had a nightmare. His mumbling woke Andrew up and he listened in the dark while Kevin said sorry over and over again to someone named Riko. The fear in his voice set Andrew’s skin crawling until he couldn’t deal with it anymore. So Andrew had thrown his pillow at Kevin’s head to wake him up.

In retrospect, that hadn’t been one of his best ideas. It did wake Kevin up, but the sudden awakening from his nightmare by being hit with something sent him into a panic. Andrew knew they were on thin ice with the building’s RAs and didn’t want to get the blame for Kevin’s breakdown. So he talked Kevin down from his panic attack. Kevin calmed down and somehow they just kept talking. Kevin told him all about his ex-boyfriend Riko, who now went to Edgar Allen University, where Kevin had originally planned to go before his mother died. He told Andrew how Riko ridiculed him, belittled him, made him feel worthless. How Riko had gotten furious with him when he decided to go to Wymack after Kayleigh’s death. How Riko had tried to guilt him into staying and never once actually offered him comfort over his mother’s death. How what made him feel the most ashamed and angry of it all was that Kevin didn’t realize just how bad things were until he broke down and told Abby about it. How it took Abby explaining that a relationship could still be abusive without physical abuse for him to understand that Riko was toxic. 

Andrew hadn’t opened up much that night, because he was Andrew and even after being friends since then opening up was hard for him, but he told Kevin he understood. That he was no stranger to abuse growing up. From his foster parents to foster siblings to his “real” parent. Andrew had vowed to protect his brother from his abusive mother and now she was gone. As long as Andrew was around, Riko wouldn’t ever have another chance to hurt Kevin. 

The fights stopped after that. They still argued, but it was never as serious. Aaron eventually gave up avoiding Andrew, Kevin met the whole group, and he was somehow integrated in as if he’d always been there. Their second year Kevin had bargained with Wymack into getting the four of them a suite in Fox Tower even though three of them weren’t athletes. Andrew didn’t know why Wymack agreed, but maybe he saw how much better Kevin was doing around his unconventional group of friends. Maybe Wymack understood that Kevin could benefit from a break from his Exy obsession once in a while.

Andrew was shaken from his thoughts as Kevin snapped his laptop closed with a sigh. He stood up, stretching, and looked down at Andrew. “Dinner’s ready,” he said, nodding in the direction of the kitchen. Andrew got up and followed him out.

Dinner was a loud affair. Nicky served everyone and elaborated on each dish as he went, letting them all know how hard the potatoes were to make and how he almost dropped the turkey when Aaron wouldn’t move out of his way and how he had ate most of the stuffing already while cooking it. It was good and Andrew was feeling full and content afterwards and he should have known that’s when things would turn. 

“So,” started Nicky as he slid a huge serving of pumpkin pie with a side of ice cream to Andrew. Andrew didn’t like the look on Nicky’s face. That look always spelled disaster. “As much as I love spending time with you over the holidays Andrew, I have to wonder why you aren’t spending it with your new boy- OW, Aaron!” Nicky yelled as Aaron kicked him under the table.

“You promised,” Aaron said, glaring at Nicky. 

“I only promised not to ask _who_ his boyfr– OW god dammit Aaron, fine who the boy he’s seeing is. I didn’t promise anything else.”

Andrew ignored Nicky’s smug smile and concentrated on eating his dessert. Aaron and Nicky kept on bickering as Aaron lectured Nicky on promises and not sticking his nose in other people’s business while Nicky argued for his right to approve any significant other his family wanted to spend time with. Andrew knew he was going to have to tell them who he was bringing to Renee and Allison’s wedding, who he had claimed to be seeing for the past few weeks, but he had kept putting it off. Maybe it was like ripping off a band-aid, it would be less painful if he just did it quick and got it over with. 

“It’s Neil,” Andrew said.

Depending on the way you looked at it, Andrew had either great timing or horrible timing. Aaron was in the midst of taking a sip of water while rolling his eyes at Nicky’s tirade about needing to know about his cousins’ love lives, and when he heard Andrew’s words he promptly spit his water out. Beside Andrew, Kevin’s spoon clattered onto his plate, splashing gravy everywhere. He didn’t know if it was because Aaron had just spit water on him or because he realized Andrew’s Neil was also Exy Neil. Probably both. 

Nicky gaped between Aaron and Kevin’s shocked faces. “Wait who’s Neil? Do you know him? How do I _not_ know him?”

Kevin was the first to get his voice back. “Neil,” he said incredulously, turning in his seat to face Andrew. “Neil Josten? As in the Neil Josten who is as obsessed with Exy as I am? You should hate him on principle!”

Andrew didn’t look up from his plate and kept eating, content to let the disaster and realizations unfold around him without his help. Kevin would latch on to Exy as the one important fact here.

“But that doesn’t make sense,” Aaron said, brow furrowing as he tried to work it out. Andrew was as interested as Aaron to find out what he would conclude. “That means you knew him before you volunteered to tutor him in my place. But… you made a deal with me to tutor your own boyfriend! And to get half the pay from it! What the fuck!”

“What happened to not referring to him as Andrew’s boyfriend?” Nicky asked.

“That was before I knew he cheated me with this deal. He made a deal with me to tutor his own boyfriend in order for me to get you to stop asking about said boyfriend!”

“I thought Neil didn’t swing,” Kevin added, addressed more toward Andrew than toward the others. 

Andrew shrugged. Kevin leaned back in his seat, likely thinking about what else his Exy protégé was hiding from him. Andrew bet there was more.

He finally glanced across the table at Nicky and Aaron. “I’m still tutoring him. Just because I’m also seeing him doesn’t mean I’m not keeping our deal. God knows he needs it.”

Aaron nodded and got that expression on his face that meant he was thinking about something. 

“But how did you meet?” Nicky asked.

Andrew went back to his plate.

Nicky huffed and turned to Aaron. “So this Neil, he’s the one you were tutoring right? You told me about him I think. The ones with the scars? The fucked up face?”

“Don’t,” Andrew cut in sharply before Aaron could respond. It slipped out of him before he could reel it back in. Nicky and Aaron stared at him in surprise. He hadn’t meant to defend Neil, but he had seen the way he curled in on himself when people looked at him for his scars. The way he tried to disappear inside himself or ready himself to bolt like the rabbit he was. Andrew wouldn’t let his family make him feel like that when Neil met them at the wedding. 

“Okay,” Nicky said, quieter than before. “Sorry.”

Andrew got up and dumped his plate in the sink. He didn’t glance at the others as he made his way back to the couch and grabbed his book. He could hear whispering from the other room that was no doubt about his reveal and his reaction, but he didn’t try to make out the words.

After a few unsuccessful minutes of reading the same page, Andrew closed his book and pulled out his phone. He clicked on his texting conversation with Neil, which right now only contained the text Neil had sent him with his address. 

_A: Kevin found out you’re my date to the wedding. He might bring it up with you._

It was a full ten minutes before Andrew’s phone vibrated with an answer.

_N: That’s fine. How long are we pretending we’ve been talking for?_

_A: A few weeks._

_N: Ok. I’ll handle it if he asks._

Andrew typed out another message, and then deleted it. Nicky’s question didn’t matter, but it had somehow lodged itself in Andrew’s brain anyways. He wondered if Neil celebrated Thanksgiving. It hadn’t sounded like he planned to leave town to visit family. For a moment Andrew felt… unsettled, maybe, at the thought of Neil alone in that bare apartment of his. Even Andrew had his family, though they were annoying at the best of times and were always on his nerves. But they were there. 

One by one the others filtered into the living room. Nicky was the last to come in, and he brandished a DVD around before putting it in the player when no one objected. He sat down in front of the couch, leaning his back against it right next to Andrew’s feet. He glanced up at Andrew and gave a tentative smile. Andrew nodded back and Nicky’s smile grew wider. He knew better than to push it and got settled in as the movie started.

Yes, Andrew’s family was certainly too much at times. But they were still his.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! much thanks for the comments and kudos, hope you enjoy

Neil had just closed his balcony door behind him, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them up from the cold, when his laptop started making noise. He rushed over to see an incoming Skype call from Matt. He didn’t have much time until Andrew arrived for their tutoring session, but he answered regardless. He could never pass up talking to Matt.

After he hit the answer button, his screen went black for a second before dissolving into Matt and Dan’s smiling faces. 

“Hey buddy!” Matt called out while waving at his screen.

“Hi Neil! Happy Thanksgiving!” Dan chimed in with a smile. “Sorry we didn’t have time to call you on Thursday, but we were too busy cooking dinner all day with the girls.”

“It’s fine,” Neil said as he could feel a slight smile of his own start to form. He had figured Matt and Dan would be busy. They had visited Dan’s old stage sisters for the holiday and had told Neil all about how excited they were to cook up a Thanksgiving feast with them when they talked last week. “Was the dinner as amazing as you thought it would be?”

“Even better,” Matt answered as he groaned. “I’m still not sure I’ve recovered from the food coma completely.”

“Well you better soon,” Dan teased. “You’ll be back at practice by this time tomorrow and don’t want to fall behind on the court.”

“Don’t remind me,” moaned Matt, thumping his head down on the table in front of him and causing Neil’s view of the two to shake.

Dan and Neil both laughed until Dan regained her composure and fixed Neil with a sharp look. He sighed internally, knowing what question was coming. He could practically feel the concern from her radiating through his laptop. 

“What did you do for Thanksgiving Neil?” she asked, sounding curious even though she very well knew the answer. 

Neil knew better than to lie to Dan about this by now. “Nothing much. Watched the Sirens and Lightnings Thanksgiving Day matchup. Then spent some time reviewing the Hornets’ lineup for our game Friday.”

Neil was met with silence as Dan sighed. He could feel her concern increasing like a weight upon his shoulders. 

“Neil, we talked about this,” she said, and the slight disappointment in her voice along with the sad look in Matt’s eyes made his skin crawl. But even worse was the way he felt a bit ashamed for making them feel like this. “Being alone all the time can’t be good for you. You should move into Fox Tower, spend more time with the team. We told you we would’ve bought you a plane ticket to join us if you wanted. No one should be alone on the holidays.”

Neil knew they were like this because they cared for him, cared more than anyone else had since his mother died. But he wasn’t some child who needed parents to look after him. His parents were long gone, dead and murdered. He could take care of himself and didn’t need their overprotectiveness. He appreciated it, he really did, but sometimes it also made him feel trapped. For years too much concern from anyone other than his mother was a bad thing. It meant that it was time to run, to skip town, change his name, change his face, get the hell away. He knew those times were in the past, but the instinct was too ingrained in him to leave behind that easily. 

“I know you both mean well,” Neil started off slowly, wondering if this would be the time he finally got them to believe him. “But I’m fine. Really. I don’t mind being alone and I’ve never cared much for the holidays. You know that. And I spend plenty of time with the team. I see them at practice five days a week.”

Matt looked physically pained at Neil’s words. “Neil, we talked to Kylee the other day. She said you rarely even come to the weekly team dinners anymore. What changed? You went to every one last year.”

Of course he went to every team dinner last year. Matt was there. But Matt wasn’t here anymore. He did like his teammates; most of them were good people and were okay to be around during practice and discuss plays and upcoming games with. But without Matt there Neil didn’t really have anyone to pull him in when the team was getting together outside of practice. Kevin could when he decided to join in too, but Kevin didn’t go to all the team dinners either. He went to more than Neil, but not all of them. 

Matt had asked what changed, and Neil knew the answer even though he would never give it to him. What changed was that without someone to tether him directly to the team, he was drifting. Neil had always been alone. Even when it was just him and Mary he had been alone in a sense, just the two of them against the world. He was alone his first year at Palmetto until he caught Kevin’s eye while playing in that intramural Exy league one of his classmates roped him into joining. He hadn’t been alone once he joined the Foxes. He had had a place, finally felt he belonged somewhere with Matt at his side and Kevin controlling his game. But then Matt left and now he was back to being mostly on his own. He still felt like he belonged with the Foxes, felt the most real when he was on the court with a racquet in hand and running at the goal. Outside of the court… drifting. Drifting through life and living only for the moments he was playing Exy. Was that really a bad thing?

He knew saying as much to Matt and Dan would make their concerned looks worse, so he kept those thoughts to himself. “I’ve just been really busy with classes and things outside of Exy this semester. I’ll promise to go to the next dinner on Wednesday and hang out with the team more if it means that much to you though. Will that make you both stop worrying?”

He would bet that answer was a no, but Matt and Dan nodded their agreement anyway. They didn’t look like they completely bought his lame excuse but they seemed to know better than to push too hard. 

“So,” Matt began, brightening up as he found a topic to change to. “Have you bought your ticket to New York yet? Allison and Renee’s wedding will be here before we know it!”

“Oh, um, I kind of forgot about that,” Neil said sheepishly. More like kept putting off buying the ticket because even though he knew he had to go he didn’t particularly want to. The girls were fine the few times he’d met them, though Allison spent most of the time commenting on his looks, which he really didn’t like thinking about as they reminded him too much of his father, and his clothes, which he didn’t understand how they were apparently so bad, and Renee unnerved him a bit. Something about that far away look she got in her eyes on occasion that seemed so contradictory to her soft manner and ever-present cross necklace.

But Matt was Allison’s man of honor while Dan was Renee’s maid of honor and they had been helping plan the wedding for months. It was going to be big, on account of Allison’s family being so well known and her own status as an up and coming fashion designer with her own brand. Neil really didn’t want to be surrounded by such big fanfare but he would go for Matt and Dan. At least the wedding he had agreed to go to with Andrew couldn’t possibly be as big as this one was bound to be.

Neil minimized the Skype window so Matt and Dan’s faces only took up half his screen and pulled up a new tab to search for plane flights.

“When’s the wedding again?” he asked. “February, right?”

“Neil come on,” Matt whined. “We talk about the wedding plans with you every time we Skype! It’s January 6th, you should write it down or something.”

Neil’s fingers froze on the keyboard. It was only his years of running and lying that kept his face from giving anything away as his stomach dropped. It couldn’t be, but…

Neil cleared his throat and continued typing out his desired flight date. “Kevin’s going to the wedding, right? Maybe I should see what flight he’s taking.”

Dan hummed in thought. “He’s definitely coming, and I think he’s flying out a day or two before to meet Thea if I remember right. Him and all the monsters.”

The monsters. Neil had heard plenty about the monsters from Dan and Matt last year, Kevin’s friends who somehow hated Exy and lived in Fox Tower with him, but he had never asked to find out who they actually were. Well it seemed he had met two of them. And they were going to Allison and Renee’s wedding too. Just like he was. Even though he was suppose to be going as a fake date for one of them. Fuck. How was he going to explain this to Dan and Matt?

He could tell them about his deal with Andrew and get them to swear secrecy, but they weren’t the most subtle people and Neil would guess Andrew wouldn’t be happy if he found out Neil had told others about their deal. That meant he had to lie to them, tell them he had started talking to Andrew a few weeks ago and they had decided to go together since they were both going to be there anyways. Neil didn’t want to lie to Matt and Dan, but without Andrew he would definitely fail his upcoming chemistry final and then his GPA would be too low and he would be in danger of sitting out the championships in spring. Neil would not sacrifice his position for this. He had to lie.

“So about the monsters,” he started, his mind spinning as he tried to figure out how to go on. Suddenly there was a loud knock on his door. 

“Who’s that?” Dan questioned, a frown forming on her face. “You never invite people over to your apartment.”

“Oh that’s just Andrew,” Neil replied, hoping he sounded casual like intended.

Dan and Matt’s eyes went wide in sync, and it was so comical that Neil might have laughed if his mind wasn’t busy flying in all directions. “Andrew as in the monster Andrew?” Matt asked, surprise evident in his tone.

“Since when have you been friends with Andrew?” Dan said, surprise turning into suspicion. 

“Um we started hanging out a few weeks back.” Andrew knocked louder this time. “I should probably go let him in,” Neil said as he got up.

“A few weeks…” Dan trailed off as she looked at Matt with raised eyebrows. “Matt, remember what Allison told us a few days ago about a certain monster?”

“What are you talking about?” Matt asked. “Wait you don’t mean…” Matt’s expression turned even more incredulous as they both turned at once to look at Neil.

“Neil please tell me I’m crazy but you can’t actually be dat-”

“Neil, buddy, when you mentioned being busy with things outside of Exy-”

“Gotta go, bye!” Neil burst out as he slammed his laptop closed, ending the call.

Shit. _Shit_. He might not be running anymore but apparently the habit to turn tail and bolt hadn’t quite gone away yet. 

Neil took a deep breath to try to steady himself before he went over to let Andrew in. He turned and walked back over to the couch as soon as the door was open, barely sparing Andrew a glance.

He didn’t risk looking up at Andrew until they were both seated on the couch facing each other with their notes between them and he felt more composed. 

Andrew raised a brow at him in question, obviously noticing something was off. 

Neil jumped when his phone went off a second later. He reached over to where it was on the table to silence the call. Not even a second after that it started buzzing again. Neil grabbed it to see Matt’s number flash across the screen while Dan sent him a barrage of texts. He quickly turned it off and tossed it under the table.

Andrew was still staring at him when he looked up. 

“What?” Neil questioned.

Andrew waited a moment and looked pointedly at his phone where it now rested on the ground. “Are we going to talk about that?”

“No,” said Neil.

Andrew was silent for another minute, as if waiting for Neil to cave, before he shook his head and started them in on Aaron’s notes. 

It took a while for Neil’s heartbeat to calm down, to get his thoughts in enough order to understand what Andrew was saying to him, but he eventually got there. By the time the hour was up, Neil felt slightly more centered, but also infested with guilt over how he had shut Matt and Dan out like that so quickly. He shouldn’t have panicked. Sure, Andrew was the oddest choice of date to the wedding that they would have ever expected him to make, but they were still his friends. They would have gone along with it after a few minutes of disbelief and questions. He would have to call them back and settle things once Andrew left. 

Neil leaned back on the couch and let his eyes fall close, suddenly feeling exhausted. This is why he was better off alone. He wasn’t good around other people. It was so tiring.

“Tell me what happened to make you look like you were ready to bolt when I got here,” Andrew said in that blank voice of his, making Neil’s eyes snap open. When Neil didn’t reply right away  
Andrew continued. “It’s my turn. I ask, you answer.”

Neil let out a long breath. “I was talking to Matt and Dan before you got here. I think you might know them?” Andrew nodded. “Well Allison and Renee’s wedding got brought up and I had the realization that their wedding was the wedding I agreed to go to with you and then you knocked and they asked who was at the door and I said you and they said something about Allison mentioning something about you to them and then I think they started putting it together that we’re going as each other’s dates and then I hung up,” Neil finished in a rush. 

Neil stared at Andrew as Andrew stared back at him, as unreadable as ever. Well, maybe not totally unreadable. Neil noticed a brief flickering in his eyes and guessed it might possibly be something like annoyance. 

“Allison loves to meddle, doesn’t she?” Andrew said. From what Neil knew of her, he thought the answer was a yes. 

Wait, Neil thought. “You knew I was already going to their wedding?”

“Is that your question?”

“Sure Andrew, just answer it please.”

Andrew stilled so suddenly and unexpectedly at his words that Neil tensed up too. The room felt thick around them for a moment as Neil became hyperaware of their proximity. It took a few seconds before Andrew moved again, his right hand moving to grasp his left forearm where Neil knew his armbands were hiding underneath his sweatshirt. Then Andrew let out a controlled breath and continued on as if nothing had happened. 

“I figured you might know Matt after you said you were on the Exy team. I didn’t know for sure if you would be going to the wedding. I told you the date. How did it take you this long to put it together?”

Neil rolled his eyes at Andrew’s derisive tone at the end there. “I didn’t particularly want to go in the first place, so I wasn’t too concerned about remembering when it was happening.”

Neil watched as Andrew kept his eyes focused on his hands in his lap, fiddling with the edges of his armbands. Andrew ran a finger from wrist to elbow and back before looking up at Neil.

“You don’t have to go,” Andrew said.

“What?” Neil asked. “But our deal-”

“I’m not going to force you to go if you don’t want to,” Andrew said, and this time Neil could pick up on an edge in his voice.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Neil said quietly. “It’s just… there will be a lot of people there. I have to go for Matt and Dan, so our deal still stands. I’m just not good around crowds. Or people in general.”

“Me neither,” Andrew answered.

Neil huffed at that. “Really? I would have never guessed.” Andrew didn’t say anything but didn’t look very amused. “At least we can be antisocial together then. We can probably claim a table in the corner and scare people away from us all night. With your impressive glaring and my ugly scars no one will even bother trying to talk to us.”

Andrew gave Neil a weird look at that. “Sounds like I’ll have to be doing all the work like usual then.”

Neil was confused by that comment but when Andrew didn’t elaborate he decided to save his question for another time. 

“How do you know Allison and Renee?” Neil asked.

“You already asked your question, little rabbit. That means it’s my turn now.”

“But my question was because of the topic your question brought up,” Neil argued, deciding to ignore the rabbit comment. “It shouldn’t count. And if it does then you asked me a question after that so technically it is my turn.”

Andrew paused for a second as if replaying the conversation in his mind then crossed his arms and glared at Neil. “You are a nuisance.”

“Definitely,” Neil nodded sagely. “Now answer the question.”

Neil had been right about Andrew’s glare being impressive, as it didn’t fade when he started talking. “I met them first because they played Exy with Kevin. Allison can be meddlesome but Renee is more tolerable. We were sparring partners while she was here.”

Ah, Neil thought, there it was. He knew he had been right to be wary of Renee, especially if she had sparred regularly with Andrew during her time here. 

“You don’t like her,” Andrew observed. 

Neil shrugged. “Renee’s fine. She’s just…” He made a vague gesture with his hands, not knowing how to encompass it in words.

Andrew nodded as if he understood anyways. “Doesn’t add up,” he finished.

“Yeah,” Neil agreed. “Like there’s something more hiding underneath the surface.”

Neil met Andrew’s eyes and the look Andrew was giving him was so intense that part of him wanted to shy away from it. But another part of him didn’t. That part was whispering that they were no longer talking about Renee. 

Neil had spent his whole life keeping his own secrets hidden, keeping them close. He wondered what it would be like to let someone see them. He wondered what it would be like to be trusted with someone else’s. Did anyone have secrets as dark as his trapped inside them? The darkness in Andrew’s eyes said he might. 

It felt like that moment stretched between them for years, but it was only seconds before it snapped and Andrew moved to grab his notes and pack up. Neil felt jittery again, but he didn’t know if it was because of his thoughts, or because of Andrew, or because of the inevitable conversation he owed Matt and Dan. He decided to go with the last one for the sake of his sanity. 

Neil hadn’t moved an inch by the time Andrew was opening the door. Andrew looked over his shoulder before he left. “Tuesday?” he asked.

“Tuesday,” repeated Neil.

Andrew gave him one last lingering look before shutting the door behind him. 

Neil couldn’t help but wonder what he had gotten himself into.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to Kit for the beta! back to Andrew's POV with this chapter

Andrew had almost made it out the suite’s door without anyone noticing when Kevin came running out of the bedroom. 

“Wait, Andrew! Are you going to Neil’s?”

Andrew tightened his grip on the strap of his backpack and let out a breath without turning around. “Yes.”

“Ohh!” came the sound of Nicky’s voice from where he was sunk into a beanbag chair near the TV. “Tell the boyfriend I say hi!”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Andrew gritted out as he walked out the door, ignoring Nicky’s laughter. He wanted to be more annoyed with his cousin but Nicky had mentioned yesterday that Allison had texted him asking about Andrew and Neil. Nicky had only replied about it being old news. He guessed he owned Nicky one for not spreading more gossip for once.

The door didn’t slam close and he heard footsteps behind him but he didn’t acknowledge Kevin’s presence until they had made it down the stairs and out to his car. He stopped suddenly and turned around, causing Kevin to stumble as he tried to avoid running right into Andrew.

“I didn’t say you could tag along.”

“I don’t want to join in on your study date,” Kevin said, rolling his eyes. “I need a ride to the court.”

Andrew didn’t know why Kevin needed to go to the court when practice didn’t start for a few hours, but he assumed it had to do with Kevin’s moaning last night over how their starting striker had manage to injure herself over Thanksgiving break. Since it was Exy related he wasn’t going to ask, so he just turned around and got into his car.

Kevin seemed to take that as assent, because he hopped in too and Andrew got them on the road. 

Kevin was quiet at first, but when he started fiddling with his phone, turning it around in his hands, Andrew knew he was preparing himself to speak. 

“With Chen out for what may be the rest of the season we need to fill our starting striker spot. I’m meeting with Coach to discuss our options, but him and I both know it’s an obvious pick.” Kevin stared at Andrew, waiting for him to comment. When he didn’t, he continued, “Neil’s going to be announced as our new starting striker at practice today.”

The silence stretched on and Andrew could still feel Kevin watching him. “Why do you think I care?” he asked.

Kevin frowned, confused. “Well you are dating, right? Or talking? Whatever you choose to call it. I thought you’d be happy for him.”

“Just because I’m…” what was he calling this pretend thing with Neil? Dating? Fuck if he knew. “Just because I’m whatever with Neil doesn’t mean I suddenly care about stickball.”

Kevin let out an angry noise at that and crossed his arms tight over his chest. So predictable. “That’s hard to believe considering you do your best to surround yourself with Exy players.”

He wasn’t wrong. Andrew considered that mostly bad luck rather than choice though. 

Neither of them talked until Andrew pulled up to the Foxhole Court’s gate to drop Kevin off. Kevin grabbed the door handle, hesitated for a second, then spun around to face Andrew. 

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m… happy for you Andrew,” Kevin said, not meeting Andrew’s eyes directly. “Sure it was unexpected, and Neil of all people.” He shook his head slightly at that. “But you both deserve someone. You’ve been there for me these past few years so if you need anything…” Kevin trailed off, losing steam and no doubt his anxiety over what he’d just said battling its way up.

“Get out,” Andrew said. 

Kevin scrambled out of the car but before he could shut the door Andrew called out his name. Kevin looked back to see Andrew holding out the phone that Kevin had left on the seat. Kevin went to grab it but Andrew didn’t let go. He couldn’t make himself force a thank you past his lips, so instead he settled on, “Okay.” Kevin seemed to understand and nodded before he shut the car door and headed inside the court. 

Andrew waited a moment to collect himself before he put the car in drive and tore out of the parking lot. He knew Kevin meant well, that they understood each other better than Nicky or Aaron ever could, but ever since they put aside their fighting freshman year that understanding was usually a silent thing. Not always, considering the times Andrew had to talk Kevin down from panic when Riko tried to come back into his life, like when he’d been oh so angry to find out Kevin had started dating Thea. Or the time Kevin had kept Andrew from spiraling too far until Bee could get there when he had found out from Higgins just how many other former foster kids were stepping up to testify at Drake’s trial. No, not always, but it was rare enough. If it had been anyone else saying those things, he would have driven away the moment the words left their mouth. But Kevin was different. 

The confusing thing was it didn’t matter. Because this whole situation was fake, was just another reason for Andrew to wonder if the numbness was really that bad a thing. Feeling things was dangerous. It always ended in disaster for him.

Andrew forced those thoughts out of his mind as he pulled up at Neil’s apartment complex. He was on the second floor, corner room with the balcony, and it only took Andrew a few minutes before he was standing outside the door knocking. 

Neil answered quickly and unlike last time he didn’t walk away as soon as the door was open, but just like last time he seemed off. Nervous. Someone must not be as confident as Kevin as to what the decision on the starting striker would be. 

Andrew didn’t say anything as he walked inside and got settled on the couch in what had become his usual spot. The place was still so bare, all white walls and sparse furniture. He had avoided looking at the pictures on the wall the last two times he’d been over, but as Neil situated himself on the couch across from him Andrew took a moment to look. They were mostly pictures of Neil and the other Foxes: Neil sandwiched between a smiling Dan and Matt, him and Matt all wide grins and sweaty hair after a game, a team photo from last year, a few pictures at what looked to be various downtown restaurants. As most of them featured Matt, Andrew didn’t think any were from this season. 

Neil must have caught him looking because he spoke up after a while. “Dan put those up the few times she visited last year.”

Andrew nodded, remembering Kevin mentioned something once about his former captain being into photography. 

After a few more moments of silence, Andrew tore his gaze away from the Neil in the pictures and concentrated on the Neil in front of him. “What did Matt and Dan say when you called them back on Sunday?”

Neil shifted in his seat on the couch. “Don’t we usually play this game at the end?”

“Deflecting,” Andrew pointed out.

Neil huffed. “Fine. They weren’t too happy with how I ran away from the conversation like that. But they understood when I explained how new this is to me since dating is nothing I’ve ever shown an interest in before.” Neil looked up at Andrew. “I mean not that we’re actually dating. It’s all fake but you know what I mean.”

Sure, Andrew thought as he nodded and did not think about how Neil looked in front of him, all red hair and blue eyes and sharp cheekbones and crossed long legs. Everything about this was totally fake. 

“So should we start then?” Neil said, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Andrew cleared his throat as he pulled out Aaron’s notes. Then he froze as he saw what Aaron had written on top: “CHEM 127 tutoring notes for Andrew’s boyfriend.” Someone was still feeling a little petty, weren’t they?

Neil snatched the notes out of Andrew’s hand and read the heading. He snorted as he tossed them back. “Someone thinks they have a sense of humor, don’t they? I’m pretty sure I remember telling Aaron he should get one last month. Glad to know he listened to me.”

“Shut up,” Andrew responded. Then they got to work.

When they finished an hour later, Andrew started to slowly pack up as he waited for Neil to ask him a question. There were a few minutes of silence before Neil finally settled on one.

“When we first made our deal you said you needed someone to pretend to be your date so everyone would leave you alone about finding one.”

“That’s not a question.”

“I’m getting there,” said Neil. He continued to bite his lip as he slowly strung his words together. “You don’t seem to be the type of person who cares what others think. What changed?”

What had changed, Andrew thought. What had changed was that he had forgotten how dangerous letting himself feel was. Bee may think it was a good thing, that it meant recovery, but Andrew couldn’t stop thinking about how feeling things always ruined everything for him. He considered lying to Neil for a second, but then he realized that the semester was almost over and after this tutoring was finished and the wedding was in the past, he’d never see Neil again. It’s not like he ever went to any of Kevin’s Exy games. Neil would disappear and wouldn’t be able to hold any of these truths against Andrew, so what did it matter?

“What changed is that I realized I’m not as smart as I thought I was,” Andrew answered. “We were at Eden’s Twilight, a club in Columbia Aaron, Nicky, and I used to work at before we came to Palmetto, and our friend Roland who’s a bartender there brought his annoying boyfriend over. He wasn’t too happy to see me considering Roland and I had been hooking up until the week before that and decided to bring up the fact that everyone else at the table had dates to the wedding except me. I didn’t want to have to deal with everyone’s misplaced concern about my supposed loneliness so I lied to try to get them to leave me alone.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure it’s quite worked considering all they do now is pester me about you but it’s better than them trying to set me up with boring dates up until the day of the wedding.”

Neil hummed. “I understand,” he said. “Matt and Dan are always worrying about how I’m alone. They weren’t too happy to hear I spent Thanksgiving by myself but…” Neil shrugged. “That’s how it’s always been. I think that’s why it didn’t take much of an explanation to get them to accept that I’m dating you, they were just happy I’d at least found someone.”

Andrew quirked a brow at that. “Sounds like Matt and Dan don’t quite approve of me, do they?”

“Well,” Neil said. “They didn’t seem to understand how I could possibly like you, considering what they know about your hate for Exy and how you refuse to play anymore. Why is that?”

“Not your turn, little rabbit,” Andrew said while shaking his head. “Why is that how it’s always been?”

“What?” Neil asked, confused.

“You said Matt and Dan worry about you being alone. Then you said that’s how it’s always been. Why is that?” Andrew echoed Neil’s question. 

Andrew watched, fascinated despite himself, as Neil’s confused expression faded into total blankness. As he stilled but at the same time appeared to be trying to shrink in on himself, to disappear. Apparently Andrew had misjudged and it was too early to be asking this sort of question. 

Andrew waited for a minute, not wanting to scare him, before he quietly said, “Neil.”

Neil swallowed hard, loud enough for Andrew to hear it in the silent room. But Neil hadn’t pushed when Andrew had momentarily frozen up Sunday after hearing _that_ word so Andrew wouldn’t push now. 

It was another minute before Neil found his voice, his gaze fixed on where his scarred knuckles were white from gripping hard onto his ankles in front of him. “My father wasn’t a good man,” he started, his voice barely above a whisper. “My mother took me away from him eventually, and for a while it was just the two of us. Alone. It’s just- it’s just how it’s always been. I’m better off alone.” 

Andrew couldn’t tell if Neil believed that fact or was trying to convince himself of it. He nodded anyways and refrained from asking where that mother of his was now. He had a feeling that question would send the little rabbit burrowing deeper inside himself to a place Andrew wouldn’t be able to follow.

“Hell is other people,” Andrew said instead. “Being alone is safer.”

Neil nodded in agreement to that, though Andrew thought Matt and Dan wouldn’t be happy to see it. 

“Does your question from earlier still stand?” Andrew asked. He would prefer to ignore the Exy related question but felt after the truth Neil had just given him, vague as it was, he owed something big this time even if the topic bored him.

Neil nodded again, obviously not ready to talk yet. So Andrew just let him listen. 

“It sounds like someone spilled to you about my brief Exy career. I played it in juvie because there was nothing better to do. They said I was pretty good, which I always found funny since I never cared enough to actually try. Speaks a lot about the other’s skills doesn’t it? When I got out and went to live with Aaron and his mother, Aaron tried to convince me to join his high school team, but I refused. Sure it was less boring than the rest of life was, but I had other things to focus on then.” Like planning how to get Tilda out of Aaron’s life for good. Pity she took care of that all on her own with an overdose. Andrew had really wanted to see if his planned car accident would work or not. He hadn’t been completely sure he would survive it, but that fact hadn’t been of any importance to him. 

“I don’t understand how you could just give it up like that,” Neil said, of course having found his voice now that the topic had moved on to Exy, the junkie. “How can you be best friends with Kevin, arguably the best striker in Class I Exy, and not even care to watch the game?”

“I’m used to giving things up,” Andrew said, while giving into the urge to run his fingers along his armbands as he fought down thoughts of other things he had been forced to give up. “And Exy bores me. Annoying Kevin is always a nice plus too.”

That got a short laugh out of Neil. It was barely a huff of air but something inside Andrew clenched at it, though he refused to acknowledge it. 

“You’re on edge today,” Andrew pointed out, bringing the conversation back to Neil. “Does it have anything to do with the newly open starting striker position Kevin has been lamenting about?”

“Exy may bore you but you seem to listen well enough to know what’s going on with our team,” Neil remarked.

“Unfortunate side effect of living with the Foxes’ current captain,” he replied. “Kevin is hard to ignore when he’s in complaining mode.”

“Well it doesn’t matter,” Neil answered. “I may be the next oldest striker on the lineup but Jack’s been playing with the Foxes for the same amount of time I have and he played in high school too. There’s no way I’ll get picked.”

Andrew actually snorted at that, which resulted in Neil shooting him a weird look. “You’re an idiot.”

“So you like telling me,” sighed Neil, finally leaning back in his seat and loosening up a bit. 

Andrew hummed in agreement. “I should probably get going,” he said.

“You probably should,” Neil replied.

Neither moved. They sat in surprisingly comfortable silence for another minute until Andrew finally levered himself off the couch and headed to the door. Neil followed him, probably intending to lock it behind him.

Andrew stepped outside and then spun around. Neil was closer than he anticipated and the movement put only a few inches between them, Andrew looking up into Neil’s face. Neil blinked in surprise at the close proximity but didn’t move. 

“Good luck, little rabbit.”

“I’m a Fox,” Neil said, a crease forming between his brows. Andrew wanted to reach out to smooth it but buried that urge as quick as it formed.

“We will see,” was all he said before he turned around and left. If he didn’t hear the door close until he had walked down the hall and started down the stairs, he decided not to acknowledge it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all, I hope you enjoy this chapter! it was definitely one of my favorites to write so far. also thanks Kit for the beta :)

“Alright now I need those of you on the end to lean in a little more... now that’s better. Smile!”

Neil blinked as the camera’s flash went off, the bright light messing with his vision for a moment. The waitress handed Kylee’s cell phone back to her and the Foxes clamored to see how the picture turned out.

“Neil,” complained Kylee while shaking her head. “You call that a smile? I can’t tell if you’re in pain or just disgusted by how close to Kevin you are.”

“Shut it,” Kevin replied as he rolled his eyes.

“Sure thing Cap,” Kylee said, popping the p in “Cap” and handing the phone to Chelsea next to her so she could pass it to the others.

The phone eventually made its way over to Neil and he couldn’t find fault in what Kylee had said. It wasn’t that he was unhappy to be at the Foxes’ weekly Wednesday night team dinner; pictures just sometimes made him uncomfortable. He knew his father was gone, almost all of his people in jail or dead, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that one of them may still be out there searching for him. Someone like DiMaccio, who reportedly fled the country after Nathan’s death and hadn’t been heard of since. Neil knew that his face on national television when the sports channels picked up one of their Exy games was way more likely to get him recognized then a picture with his teammates, but he had been taught not to take chances. 

Kevin plucked the phone out of his hands and didn’t even glance at the picture before handing it off to Gino on his right. 

“For Friday’s game against the Hornets,” Kevin started, “everyone needs to keep in mind that-“

“Cap’s breaking the rules!” yelled Shaun as he slammed his fists down on the table, causing everyone’s waters and beers to splash and their silverware to clatter against empty plates. “No talking about upcoming games at team dinners.”

“But it’s a _team_ dinner,” Kevin stressed. “If we want to guarantee our first place position in the southeast district we need to prepare-“

“Overruled Cap,” cut in Kylee. “This rule was made by legendary former Captain Danielle Wilds and can’t be overturned by any future captains. You’re gunna have to save that lecture for tomorrow.”

Kevin crossed his arms and scowled across the table at Kylee. “I’m not sure why I picked you as my vice captain.”

“Sure you are,” Kylee replied with a smug smile. “Who else will keep you in line?”

As his teammates continued to squabble around him Neil found himself feeling more content then he had in a while. Maybe Matt and Dan had been right; spending more time with his team was a good idea. Sure they were often loud and talkative and could be a bit rough around the edges but the Foxes were his. They were the only other people who knew how it felt to come alive on the court and savor every moment of it, every win or loss, goal or miss. Most of Neil’s life may have been one long nightmare but the moment he joined the Foxes it had become a dream. 

“Next round’s on me,” called out Ollie. “Who wants one?” 

Every other senior and junior’s hands went up around the table and Ollie did a quick count while making sure to skip over one of the freshman’s raised hands. “You sure Neil?” he asked when seeing that as usual Neil didn’t raise his hand.

Neil shook his head but Kevin spoke up for him. “Neil’s birthday isn’t until March, Ollie.”

“Just keeping him honest,” Ollie said with a wink as he left to place the order at the restaurant’s bar.

Yeah, Neil thought, _March_. Just a random month along with a random day he had picked out to add to the jumble of lies that was Neil Josten. Well at least at first. Neil Josten was real to the people at this table. He was real to the Foxes.

Neil forced himself to tune back into the conversation going on around him instead of allowing himself to get sucked in to darker thoughts. 

“So have you talked with Thea yet about having time to meet with me?” Kylee was asking Kevin. 

“Can’t you just speak with her at the wedding?” 

“No! There’s going to be so many people at the wedding that I would be lucky to talk with her for ten minutes! Please see if we can go out for lunch or something the day before,” Kylee begged.

“We’ll see,” Kevin sighed. “I’ll ask her this week and if she’s available we will plan it, okay?”

“Yes thank you Cap!” exclaimed Kylee. Kylee had been pestering Kevin for weeks to get her time to talk one on one with Thea. Since Kylee was one of the Foxes attending Allison and Renee’s wedding, it would be the perfect time for her to get that chance. And who wouldn’t want a chance to ask their idol all about their career, their experience on Court, and how it was as one of the top women Exy players adapting to life on a pro team?

“Kylee, Chelsea, and I are all flying out on the fourth,” Gino said, turning in his seat to face Kevin. “We bought the tickets last week. When’s your flight leaving?”

“I’m leaving the third,” Kevin replied. “And…” he turned to address Neil. “Are you flying out with us?”

“What?” Neil asked, confused.

“Well I mean are you coming with us? Staying with Andrew or do you have your own room?”

“Oh,” Neil replied lamely. He hadn’t thought about that.

“Wait why would Neil stay with Andrew?” Jack spoke up from the end of the table with a sneer on his face.

“He’s Andrew’s date to the wedding,” Kevin said flippantly, not even glancing in Jack’s direction. “Andrew made Nicky book our tickets so he probably doesn’t even know when we fly out. I can get the details to you since he won’t bother to.”

“Andrew, really?” said Lindsey, one of the team’s sub dealers, with a concerned look on her face. “I saw Jonathan from the soccer team try to talk to him in the hall once. He had barely reached out to tap him on the shoulder and Andrew pulled a knife on him.”

“Maybe he shouldn’t have tried to touch him,” Kevin said coldly.

“Whoa did I hear Neil and the monster?” asked Ollie as he came back from the bar with a handful of drinks. “How can you date someone who doesn’t even care enough to speak to other people?”

Kevin shot Ollie a look even as he accepted the beer from him. “Just because he doesn’t acknowledge your presence doesn’t mean he ignores the rest of us.”

“Ah so Neil’s just special then,” Ollie said with a wink, which made Neil look away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“Great,” Jack muttered. “Just what we need. Another f-”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll cut your tongue out Jack,” Kylee snapped, making the table go silent. She smiled as if nothing happened and continued on a moment later. “Good for you Neil. Whatever makes you happy. Now what’s everyone’s thoughts about going to see that new horror film out this weekend?”

The team quickly jumped on the new topic and left talk of the wedding behind. That was why Kylee really was picked for vice captain. She wasn’t afraid to be rough with her team if needed to kick them into shape. It was a necessary trait to have when dealing with the Foxes. That and her valuable skills as an offensive dealer certainly helped too.

When Kevin tapped him on the elbow a few minutes later and motioned towards the door, Neil was grateful for an excuse to leave. He knew Matt and Dan would have wanted him to stay longer, but he didn’t want to risk more questions about him and Andrew coming up. Kylee would no doubt send the picture they’d taken to Dan so at least they would see Neil held up his promise to go.

They said their goodbyes and headed out the door into the cold. Neil shivered against the biting wind, wishing he had brought a warmer coat. He turned to start walking home when Kevin called his name out.

Neil looked to see Kevin standing in front of a black car idling in front of the restaurant. He had seen Kevin get picked up in that car before, but it wasn’t until the window rolled down to reveal Andrew that Neil realized whose it was. 

Andrew gave him a two-fingered salute. “Need a ride?” he called out while lighting a cigarette. 

Neil walked closer to Andrew’s window as Kevin hopped in the passenger seat. “I can walk. It’s not too far,” he said.

Andrew raised an eyebrow at that as he blew out smoke in Neil’s direction. “Walk in this weather and you’ll freeze. Unless you plan on running the whole way home, little rabbit.” 

Between the smell of smoke reminding him of his mother and the way that running comment made him tense, Neil almost did take off in the other direction. He was also hesitant for another reason though. When Andrew had departed yesterday Neil had been left feeling… off kilter afterwards. While what he had told Andrew about his past was barely half of it, it was the most truth he had ever willingly given anyone. Andrew took it without blinking and didn’t push him further, only offered his own truth in return until Neil was steady enough to speak again. He didn’t know what it was about Andrew, but it felt as if there was something drawing him towards the other man. It was confusing and new and unexpected and Neil wasn’t sure he liked it yet. But that antagonizing look in Andrew’s eyes despite his otherwise blank face did something to Neil and wouldn’t let him walk away.

Neil forced himself to meet Andrew’s gaze as he repeated himself from the previous day. “I’m a Fox.”

Andrew snorted and looked away as Neil opened the door to his right and climbed in the backseat.

Andrew pulled away from the curb but didn’t turn right which would lead him to Neil’s apartment. Neil was confused but didn’t speak up. A few minutes later they pulled up at Fox Tower and Andrew sent Kevin a look that had him hopping out. Neil took that as a cue to take the passenger seat and quickly got out and settled himself in the front.

The silence inside the car was thick as Andrew drove, only the headlights and dim streetlights lighting up the road in front of them. Andrew seemed to be taking the longer route from Fox Tower to Neil’s, but Neil didn’t comment. Instead he turned sideways in his seat so he could face Andrew. 

The silence continued a few more moments until Andrew finally spoke up. “Staring,” was all he said.

“Thinking,” Neil corrected. “About the question I have for you.”

“Don’t think, you’ll hurt yourself,” Andrew said as the passing streetlights enveloped his face in light before slowly sliding back into shadow. “Just ask.”

Neil thought about the way Andrew seemed to be apathetic to his surroundings but was actually very attentive to the people around him if one knew how to pay attention to it. He thought about Lindsey’s story tonight and Kevin’s response. How Andrew always maintained a careful distance between them, on the couch and even when passing papers to each other. “You don’t like others being close to you. Don’t like to be touched.”

Neil knew he was right by the way Andrew’s hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, his shoulders slightly more tense, his jaw clenched. “That’s not a question,” he said.

No, it wasn’t. But Neil wouldn’t ask why. He’d seen enough cruelty, met enough monsters over the years that he didn’t need an explanation on the ways someone could be made to hate others encroaching on their boundaries. “That was an observation,” Neil remarked. “My question is will you tell me if I make you uncomfortable? If I get too close?”

Andrew’s eyes flicked towards Neil and then back towards the road, the only indication of his surprise. But after Kevin’s comments on staying with them in New York and possibly sharing a room with Andrew, Neil wanted to make sure he wouldn’t cross a line. That Andrew would tell him if he got too close while they navigated this fake dating situation they had gotten themselves into. 

They drove another block before Andrew nodded. “Yes, if you do the same.”

“Okay,” Neil said quietly, leaning his head on the seat back while still watching the light and dark alternate across Andrew’s features as they drove along.

Andrew took another drag of his cigarette and let out his question on his exhale. “Why did you and Kevin leave the team dinner early tonight?”

“I don’t know about Kevin but…” Neil shrugged. “The team means well but they like to pry sometimes. Kevin brought up us maybe traveling to and staying in New York together and then the team was asking about us. Kylee quelled it for a bit but the Foxes aren’t people who let things go that easy.”

“Staying together?” Andrew questioned.

Neil felt himself go slightly red and was suddenly grateful that it was dark in the car. “Well Kevin asked if we were sharing a room. Which we don’t have to do. I haven’t bought a room yet but I’m sure Allison could still get me one if I asked.”

“Do you want your own room?” Andrew asked. His voice was so calm and even that Neil grew annoyed with himself over being affected by the topic.

“I don’t mind either way. I just didn’t want to intrude.”

Andrew remained silent and took another drag of his cigarette while they waited for the light to turn green. The red light shined in through the windshield and caught on the smoke Andrew blew out, tingeing it red before it wafted out the cracked window. 

“You already are an intrusion. What’s a couple nights in the same room at this point.”

Neil felt the tension drain out of him at that remark. “I thought I was a nuisance,” he countered, and backed it up by reaching over to snatch the cigarette out of Andrew’s hand. 

Neil cupped the cigarette in his hands and held it up to his face so he could inhale the smoke drifting from it. He could feel Andrew’s eyes on him and knew the question was coming, but for some reason he didn’t try to stop it.

“Why are you wasting my cigarette?” Andrew asked. He didn’t move to take it back though.

Neil took another deep inhale to center himself as he closed his eyes. “Reminds me of my mother.”

Andrew took this without comment and when Neil opened his eyes, Andrew’s were back on the road. He held out the cigarette and after a moment Andrew took it back. 

They were only a minute away from his apartment so Neil decided to ask one more question. It felt dangerous in here. In the dark, isolated from the rest of the world, just him and Andrew. As if secrets uttered here would never see the light of day, would never escape the space between them. 

“Yesterday you said you went to live with Aaron and his mother after juvie. Why is she only _his_ mother?”

Andrew didn’t speak until he took the turn for Neil’s building and pulled up right in front of the doors. Once the car was in park he unbuckled and turned in his seat, mirroring Neil’s position. He took one more drag from his cigarette while staring at Neil. Neil felt as if Andrew was searching his face for something. He didn’t know what, but whatever Andrew saw there must have been enough.

“Aaron’s mother Tilda didn’t want kids. She put us up for adoption. Then for some reason she felt guilty and came back. Not guilty enough to take us both back, but just to take Aaron. After the foster families and juvie I went to live with her and Aaron only to find dear old Tilda was right after all and didn’t deserve to be a mother to anyone. I warned her to stop hitting Aaron and told her what I would do if she didn’t. Luckily for her, she OD’ed on some pills before I could put my plan in motion.”

“Plan?”

“Car accident. Tampering with the brake lines. I was going to take Aaron’s place for one of her beatings and get Aaron’s uncle Luther involved so he could see something was wrong. Then surprise her that it’s me and not Aaron and cause her to crash. That way her instability would have a witness and no one would guess foul play.”

Neil was quiet thinking this over. The way Andrew was laying it all out for him, the way he was looking at him, was as if he was encouraging Neil to flinch away. Testing to see if Neil would run from his truth. But Neil had told himself he would stop running a while ago and someone keeping a promise to protect their family? Even if it was through violence? That was the type of protection Neil knew best.

“Seems like she found an easy way out then,” Neil shrugged. “But did you have a way out? A sure way out of the accident? Or was it chance you would have survived?”

They stared at each other for a long moment, that same dark understanding from last week between them. “It was an out either way,” Andrew said, his words stripped bare with honesty. “I didn’t care much which one it ended up being as long as my promise was kept.”

Neil didn’t quite understand that as his whole life had been about survival. Sure he had taken risks, many _many_ dangerous risks, but it was always that or death. A slim chance of survival to desperately hold on to in the face of an agonizing and slow death at his father’s hands. Not caring which way it went was never something he had experienced. He didn’t need to understand to accept it though. 

Neil got out of the car and walked around the front, but turned back towards Andrew. Andrew rolled down his window and flicked his cigarette out onto the ground. Neil stepped forward to crush it beneath his heel, then he took another step and leaned down to the window, folding his arms across it. 

“I’m glad it didn’t come to that,” he said.

Andrew didn’t say anything but stared at Neil in silence. Neil went to pull away and noticed how Andrew’s eyes quickly flicked downwards and back up. He smiled and gave a slight wave as he walked inside the building, listening as he heard Andrew’s car drive away behind him. 

Neil felt an odd thrumming in his chest, a giddiness he had never felt before. He passed it off as the nicotine from the cigarette running through his veins and quickly made his way up to his apartment, already contemplating what questions to ask Andrew tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so now that chapter 10 is posted we are about halfway through! I'm estimating 20 chapters for this fic but don't hold me to that because things could change. also when I say halfway I'm referring to the chapters, not word count, because after this one some of the chapters are starting to pick up a bit in length. anyways, thanks to Kit as always for the beta and enjoy! and feel free to come talk to me on tumblr (whenwordsflyoffthepage)!

“I don’t understand how I got this one wrong!” Neil complained as he scowled down at the old midterm between him and Andrew. “My answer makes perfect sense to me.” 

Andrew sighed. “That’s because your understanding of the concept is wrong. If you’d just listen-”

“I don’t have time to just listen,” Neil snapped. “The final is Monday and if I don’t figure this out now I’m going to fail this stupid chemistry final and then Coach is going to have to bench me and I’ll lose my spot as the new starting striker!” Neil leaned forward, putting his elbows on his crossed knees and burying his shaking hands in his hair. He took to swearing under his breath in a language Andrew didn’t understand but thought might be French.

Neil seemed on the verge of a breakdown and Andrew wasn’t quite sure what to do. They were over halfway through today’s session, which also happened to be their last session, and Neil had been growing more frustrated with himself the entire time. Andrew was confident that Neil would pass his final in four days and pass the class, but Neil kept getting caught up on the trivial details he’d gotten wrong in the past instead of focusing on how much he now knew. His idiocy and inability to calm down and see reason were starting to grate on Andrew’s nerves.

“Neil,” Andrew said. Neil didn’t respond, just kept his eyes shut and hands gripped tight in his hair. Andrew sighed again. “Neil,” he repeated a little bit louder. Nothing.

Andrew shook his head and tentatively reached out a hand. He paused for a few seconds with his fingers above the back of Neil’s neck before he slowly brushed them against the warm skin there. He felt Neil tense but he didn’t flinch away. Andrew leaned forward and firmly wrapped his hand around the nape of Neil’s neck.

“Neil,” he repeated once more, this time accompanied by a gentle squeeze of his hand. Neil’s eyes opened and he looked up to meet Andrew’s gaze. His face remained blank at first but then Neil slowly let out a long breath and lowered his hands back to his lap. 

Andrew gave his neck another squeeze. “Neil, if you would just calm down and listen to me everything will be okay. There is no way you are not passing this class and you are not going to lose your position.” Andrew held Neil’s gaze until he nodded, but Neil still didn’t look as if he believed Andrew completely. 

“Do I look like someone who breaks their promises?” he asked. Neil shook his head. “Exactly. And I’m not starting now.”

Andrew released his hold on Neil and leaned back out of his space. Neil went back to hunching in on himself.

“But-” Neil started.

“No,” Andrew interrupted. He crossed his arms across his chest, fingers tapping at his elbow as he thought about how to convince Neil. “You Foxes like making bets, yes?” Kevin had told him stories of the Foxes’ wide range of bets numerous times. Neil nodded. “Then I’ll make you one to prove how serious I am.” Andrew had a feeling he’d regret this, but he hoped by giving Neil this bit of control and incentive it would help him to get back on track and focus.

Neil regarded Andrew with a wary look until he realized Andrew wasn’t going to propose a bet, that it was Neil’s decision. He took to biting his bottom lip as he got lost in thought and Andrew resolutely kept his eyes on Neil’s instead of wandering lower. Which meant that he noticed when Neil’s eyes lit up at whatever idea had just crossed his mind. The way his lips twitched made Andrew suddenly nervous, though he trusted Neil not to take this too far.

“If I fail, then the deal is obviously off,” Neil said. Andrew nodded, as the deal they had made was contingent on Neil’s passing grade. “But if I pass,” Neil started, his hand coming up to cover his mouth as if he was trying to hide the smug smile twitching at his lips, “then you have to come to my game next Friday.”

Andrew blinked, and then felt slightly irritated about how Neil always managed to surprise him. “The point of this bet was for you to see how confident I am in you passing, not to trick me into something boring for upholding our deal.”

“But this is _my_ grade we’re talking about here, Andrew. Shouldn’t I be the one who needs motivation to make sure I pass?”

Andrew remained silent as he fought against the urge to shake his head and argue with the idiot about tricking him. But Andrew didn’t take back his word. He’d said he’d make a bet and had no choice now but to accept it. Especially as that determined gleam in Neil’s eyes said Andrew had accomplished what he wanted anyways, that Neil was calmed down enough to focus back on studying so he could pass this damn final.

“Fine. It is a home game, right?” Andrew asked as he settled on glaring at Neil, not that it did anything to curb the idiot’s smug look. Neil nodded. At least it wouldn’t be a trip anywhere. Aaron usually went to the home games, not for Exy but for his Vixen girlfriend, so he could just go with him. Kevin and Nicky were bound to make a huge deal out of it though. Andrew decided not to think about their reactions right now. “We have fifteen more minutes until I’m done dealing with you for the day. Are you ready this time?” Neil nodded again and they went back to going over his old midterms.

Andrew might have said fifteen minutes, but neither commented on the time when they finally finished up a half hour later. Andrew started to slowly pack up his things as usual as he debated over which question to ask Neil. 

Last night when Neil had asked about Tilda, Andrew hadn’t held back the truth. He hadn’t told anyone else, besides Bee, what he’d admitted to Neil last night. It had felt dangerous, in the dark, driving on the empty roads, Neil staring at him and seeming to stare _through_ him, as if Andrew’s secrets and past weren’t quite hidden from someone who had seen as much of the ugliness the world had to offer as he had. It made Andrew want to push further, to ask Neil about his own secrets, but he didn’t want to scare the rabbit into running. It was a fine line that Andrew was unwilling to cross but desperately wanted to learn the boundaries of.

Andrew brought his focus back to Neil. He was leaning against the side of the couch, head resting on his arm and eyes closed, which put his scarred right cheek in plain view. Andrew forced down the questions he had about those scars, even though his mind had been caught by Neil’s confession last night that cigarettes reminded him of his mother and kept wondering if that had any connection to the burn scars or not. 

Neil opened his eyes as Andrew began to speak. “Where did you learn German?” he asked. “And French, if that’s what language you were cursing in earlier.”

As always Neil seemed to digest the question for a few moments, then slowly chew on his words and debate which ones he wanted to spit out. “I travelled a lot when I was young,” Neil started off slowly. “When my mother and I left, we first went to Europe. She had family in England but we didn’t stay with them long. We ended up travelling all over. Learning the languages was necessary to-” Neil paused and focused on Andrew for a moment before he seemed to change what he was going to say. “To live there. I haven’t met anyone since I’ve been back that can speak either language though.”

“Well,” Andrew replied in German. “Aaron, Nicky, and I all speak it. Guess you can practice with us now.”

“Yeah,” Neil said in the same language, though he looked confused at something. “That might be nice.”

So Neil’s mother had taken him away from his father, someone Neil had said wasn’t a “good man,” and whisked him away to Europe for a few years. Was that decision solely based on his mother having family back there? Or was it because they needed a whole ocean’s worth of distance to escape the man’s influence? If it was the latter, Neil’s father must be powerful for his reach to be that big. But Neil was here now, visibly scarred and most likely hiding all sorts of others, and played a popular sport on a popular team. There’s no way the man could still be searching for him if he was okay with playing Exy and being in the spotlight by Kevin’s side. What had happened to Neil’s parents then?

Neil shifting on the couch drew Andrew’s attention. He had pulled his knees up in front of him with his arms folded on top. Andrew couldn’t tell if it was an attempt to get more comfortable or to put more distance between them. His head was tilted to one side as he studied Andrew, probably debating on whether to ask his newest question or not. Andrew just stared silently back, waiting for him to decide.

Neil stopped looking at Andrew and instead focused on his arms in front of him as he started to speak. “I was wondering-” he stopped to clear his throat before continuing on. “I was wondering when it was you realized you liked guys. Or how, I guess? How you knew you were gay?”

Andrew was so caught up in watching the faint pink color start to rise on Neil’s cheekbones that it took him a moment before he registered Neil’s question. Out of all the truths Neil could get out of him, it was this? Why would someone who didn’t swing care about that?

Neil started fidgeting, obviously uncomfortable about the silence following his question. Andrew decided to play along and answer. “I realized in juvie that I found other guys attractive. It took-” Andrew cut himself off from that line of thinking. He wasn’t going to mention how it took him a while to figure things out, how accepting that about himself was a challenge on top of all the past trauma. “Why do you care?” he asked instead.

Neil shrugged and didn’t look up. “I don’t really. I guess since I’m pretending to be your date that people will assume I’m gay and just wanted to know since I just… I just don’t understand it.”

Andrew watched as Neil continued to fidget, which he considered a better sign than that abrupt stillness of his when he was panicked over something. He didn’t believe Neil’s explanation was the full story, but did he really not know there was a gray space between being gay and asexual? That there were other options? 

“Neil,” he said, and continued on anyways when Neil didn’t look up to meet his gaze. “You do not have to be gay to be my date, you know that right?”

Neil finally looked up at him. “Well, yeah but if I have to pretend to be something I’m not going to pretend to be bi like Kevin or Allison.”

Andrew fought not to roll his eyes. “You do not have to be bisexual either. You do know that romantic and sexual attraction are different, yes? You can have one without the other? Or be somewhere on the spectrum in either?”

Neil’s brow furrowed as he frowned in confusion. “I’ve heard that, yes, but it’s never applied to me before.”

Andrew took that “before” to mean before Neil had to pretend to be dating someone because his mind wouldn’t be able to get past it otherwise. “Well considering you are only pretending to date me it really does not matter if it actually applies to you,” Andrew pointed out. “If anyone asks you can say you still have no interest in that so when the wedding is over you can go back to how everything was before with minimal questions. Just say you tried it and it still wasn’t your thing.”

Neil chewed on his lip for a second before he nodded. “Okay that’s- okay. Thanks.”

Andrew nodded back and got up to leave. “Let me know how the final goes.”

“See you at the game next Friday,” Neil called back, voice more steady now that his mind was back on Exy instead of having a mild sexuality crisis.

Andrew shut the door behind him and lit up a cigarette as he made his way to his car. He had two more while driving around before he felt ready to park the car and go back to the dorms. He hated how Neil could confuse him. Could confuse him and surprise him and cause that feeling in his chest to spark up as if what they were doing, this stupid fake dating situation he’d gotten them into, meant something. It didn’t. And it never would.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright who's ready for game day? thanks as always for all the kudos and lovely comments! & thanks to Kit for the beta

As Andrew followed Nicky and Aaron down the stairs to their seats, he tried to ignore the stadium around them. The seats were painted an obnoxious alternating orange and white and the crowd was dressed in much the same colors. Music from the Oranges Notes school band blasted around the enclosed space and he could even hear the cheerleaders chanting from down on the floor. He really, really hated Neil for tricking him into this.

Kevin had been disbelieving when Andrew asked him for tickets to the last home game of the regular season. Then he had been stunned silent. Then he suddenly flipped the switch into anger and ranted for a full half hour about how Andrew had never cared about Exy the entire time Kevin had known him and how furious he was that Neil had been the one to convince Andrew to attend a game. The only reason Andrew didn’t walk out mid rant was because he read that furiousness as jealousy and found it entertaining how worked up Kevin was getting.

In the end, Kevin gave in and got Andrew the three tickets he asked for: one for him, one for Aaron, and one for Nicky. He hadn’t intended to bring Nicky at first because he knew how annoying he would be, but Andrew would rather sit next to two people he knew than random strangers. 

Aaron continued down the stairs until he made it to the bottom then started walking down the row to find their seats. Of course Kevin got them first row seats, ones that happened to be closest to the home bench.

They settled in, Aaron with his fries, Nicky with his popcorn, and Andrew with the ice cream he had tracked down from the single booth outside that sold it. On Andrew’s right Nicky kept up a steady stream of commentary on the stadium and the band and the fans around them while Aaron on his left was too distracted by the Vixens to respond. Well one Vixen in particular Andrew would guess.

Andrew was neutral about Katelyn. She hadn’t crossed any lines with Aaron yet, seemed smart enough on her own that she wasn’t just there to leech off Aaron, and knew enough to leave Andrew mostly alone. So he tolerated her the few times she came over to their suite and didn’t say anything when Aaron would spend nights with her. Aaron was just lucky their deal ended after high school or Andrew wouldn’t have given Katelyn a chance to get this close in the first place.

Nicky suddenly jumped to his feet as the crowd around them started cheering loudly. Andrew’s attention was drawn by the orange and white clad figures coming out of the path from the locker rooms over to his right. 

The fourteen Foxes along with Coach Wymack and team nurse Abby Winfield filed out and grouped up around the home bench. Wymack seemed to talk to them for a minute before pointing at Kevin and gesturing. Kevin nodded and soon the Foxes took off running around the inner ring. As they passed the different seating sections the fans would cheer and wave, though only a few of the Foxes took the time to acknowledge it. 

When the Foxes completed their first lap and made it back to the home benches, Neil was at the front of the pack and took a moment to glance over at Andrew and flash that smug smile of his before continuing on for more laps.

Andrew really hadn’t wanted to come to the game, but he also wasn’t one to break a deal. This had made the bet between them a lose-lose situation. Still, he couldn’t deny that odd feeling in his stomach when Neil had called him on Wednesday with the results from his Monday Chemistry final. Neil had been excited to tell Andrew about the B he had earned, which landed him a C+ in the class and allowed him to keep playing his stupid stickball. Then Neil had been smug about winning the bet and making Andrew attend his first Exy game. Andrew could practically hear that smug smile in Neil’s voice over the phone and wanted nothing more than to kiss it off his face. He had hung up on a gloating Neil after that but made sure to text him that he always honored his bets and promises.

While the Foxes were running laps, boos started echoing through the stadium. The Blackwell University Jackrabbits came out and ignored the Palmetto fans with practiced ease. Soon enough both teams were let on the court for warm up drills. 

Andrew watched as the team’s four uninjured strikers, Neil, Kevin, Jack, and Isaiah, took shots on Chelsea in goal. Neil feinted right then got his shot past her by aiming at the bottom left of the goal. Andrew started to think about how he would have been able to tell Neil was going to feint from that half step he took, but quickly pushed the thoughts out of his mind. Being here was bad enough, if he started thinking like a goalie Kevin would probably sense it and drag him to the next practice.

The players soon filed off the court and took to stretching around the home bench. Aaron stood up and walked off, probably to talk to Katelyn, while Nicky took to waving at some of the Foxes he knew from living in Fox Tower. Kevin began to walk over Andrew’s way but Wymack called out his name and gestured to the court where the referees were waiting for the captains to decide first serve.

Andrew was trying not to watch Neil stretch but he still noticed when Neil straightened up and started walking his way. 

“That’s Neil?” Nicky asked. “He’s so hot! I can’t believe I’m the last to meet him. Poor boy’s had to put up with you three grumps. I’m surprised he’s still around.”

“Behave, Nicky,” Andrew warned, while not telling him how Neil probably wouldn’t be around for much longer.

Neil made it to their seats and crossed his arms over the railing in front of Andrew. Some people behind Andrew in their section started cheering but Neil didn’t even glance away from him.

“So are you excited for your first Exy game, Andrew?” he asked, that smug smile again making an appearance.

“Excited to see you flattened by one of those Jackrabbits? Definitely.”

“They’d have to catch me first.” Neil’s smile turned up a fraction and gained an edge-like quality for a moment before settling back down again. Andrew felt his heartbeat pick up at the danger it promised.

“What’s one little rabbit to a Jackrabbit, I wonder?”

“Well good thing I’m-”

“God Andrew, is this really how you flirt?” Nicky interrupted. “I really shouldn’t be surprised by now.”

Andrew sighed as Neil looked inquisitively over at Nicky. “Neil, this is my cousin Nicky. Ignore him.”

“Hey!” Nicky squawked as Andrew followed up his introduction with a shove.

“Hi Nicky,” Neil said politely, ignoring their antics. “Nice to meet you.”

“Very nice to meet you too, Neil. I’m looking forward to all our future chats on what you think of my cousin’s _fine_ attributes and-”

Andrew cut Nicky off with another shove. “Leave him alone and go retrieve Aaron from the Vixens.”

“Fine, I’ll leave you be with your boyfriend,” Nicky huffed, thankfully leaving a second later.

Andrew was happy to be rid of his cousin until he realized this left him alone with a confused Neil.

“Boyfriend? Is that what we’re calling our pre- ah, relationship now?” Neil asked, catching himself mid sentence, though no one they were pretending with was around to catch the almost slip.

“Just dating has been my answer so far,” answered Andrew. “Ignore Nicky. He is too excitable about these things.”

“Alright,” Neil hummed. He looked ready to say something else but just then the warning buzzer went off. “Gotta go. Don’t enjoy the game too much.”

“Maybe if you actually manage to score some goals I will,” Andrew responded as Neil jogged away.

“Just for you,” Neil threw over his shoulder with a smirk.

“Wow your boy’s a flirt!” Nicky said as he passed in front of Andrew and plopped down in his seat. Aaron sat down a second later but only raised an eyebrow when Andrew glanced his way. 

Neil was a nuisance. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe a very attractive nuisance but a nuisance who didn’t swing all the same.

Andrew sat back in his seat as the Foxes lined up to walk onto the court. Captain Kevin Day was called out first to the enormous cheers of the crowd. Neil was next as the new starting striker, then the rest of the starting line up followed: Kylee the offensive dealer, Shaun and Ollie the backliners, and Chelsea the goalie. Since Kevin had won the Foxes first serve, they would start the game on the away side of the court while the Jackrabbits took home court for the first half. The Jackrabbits were called on to the court next and soon enough the buzzer was going off.

Kylee started off the game with a powerful serve up the court that was caught by one of Blackwell’s backliners. The man only had the ball for a few seconds before Kevin caught up to steal the ball with a quick pop of his racquet and toss it to Neil. Neil took his ten steps but was forced to pass back to Kylee when he couldn’t get a clear shot to Kevin or at the goal. Kylee caught it but within seconds was trying to keep her footing as a Jackrabbit collided into her and stole the ball back. 

The ball traveled back down the court where the Fox backliners managed to bat it away before the Jackrabbits could take a shot on goal. They passed it forward to Kylee, who shot it towards Kevin before she could get hit again. Kevin tossed the ball so it would rebound off the wall a few yards in front of Neil. Neil sped up and was steps ahead of his backliner when the ball bounced off the wall and right into his racquet. He used its momentum to carry his swing and before Andrew could blink the goal was lit up red. Cheers went up around the stadium at the first goal of the night, but Andrew was silent as he watched Neil run alongside the wall closest to the benches on his way back to half-court. He couldn’t quite make out Neil’s sharp smile under his helmet, but he knew the two-fingered salute Neil gave was just for him.

After that the game dissolved into a series of quick plays, dirty checks, short-lived fights, and impossible goals scored mainly by Kevin and Neil. Aaron made a few comments here and there since he had played Exy the most recently out of the three of them while Nicky cheered on each of the Foxes by name. He only tried to get Andrew to cheer once when Neil made a heart-stopping goal with five seconds left in the first half but after the look Andrew shot him he didn’t try again. In the end the Foxes won 10-6, with Kevin and Neil scoring four goals apiece and the two striker subs getting one each.

After the teams met on the court to shake hands they slowly filtered out into the inner ring while the stands started to clear. Wymack hauled Kylee and Ollie off to handle the press while Kevin and Neil made their way over to the cousins.

“What’d you think?” Neil addressed Andrew as he came over to lean on the railing, still slightly out of breath from playing the last ten minutes of the game. Andrew noticed a bead of sweat slide down his neck and forced his eyes elsewhere.

“Stickball is still a stupid game,” he replied.

Kevin moaned and dropped his sweaty forehead onto the railing. Nicky reached forward to give him a consoling pat on the head while snickering.

“You’re still here,” Neil pointed out while gesturing to the emptying seats around them. “Must be something about it worth staying for if you didn’t leave the first chance you got.”

Aaron snorted but schooled his expression by the time Andrew looked over to glare at him.

“Something or someon-” Andrew turned his glare on Nicky and cut him off before he finished the word. 

Kevin straightened up and looked down at Neil. “Good thing you aren’t as oblivious on the court as you are in real life,” he said condescendingly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Neil demanded.

Before anyone could enlighten him, two of Neil’s fellow Foxes came running up to interrupt their conversation.

“Hey guys,” said one of them with a wide grin. Andrew thought he must be their sub dealer Gino. 

“Chelsea and I were just talking with a few of the Vixens. Anyone interested in celebrating our last game before playoffs back at Fox Tower?”

“We got plenty of alcohol to go around,” Chelsea supplied. “You should come too, Neil. I’m sure we could find you a ride home or you can crash on one of our couches.”

“That sounds like fun!” Nicky chimed in. “I’m down and I know Aaron will be if the Vixens are planning on going. Andrew?” he asked.

Andrew shrugged, undecided since Neil hadn’t given an answer to Chelsea’s offer yet.

“Cool, we’ll see you in the basement study rooms in an hour!” Gino called out as he started walking towards the locker room.

Aaron and Nicky stood up to leave and Kevin and Neil started following Gino and Chelsea. Before Neil could get too far Andrew leaned over the railing and snagged the sleeve of his jersey so he would turn around.

“If you want to go I can give you a ride back to your apartment after. You wouldn’t have to stay long,” Andrew offered.

Neil hesitated for a second before nodding. “Maybe just for a bit then. I’ll get a ride over with one of my teammates.”

Andrew nodded back and let go of Neil’s sleeve. He turned to walk away to find Aaron and Nicky staring at him. He ignored their looks and pushed by them to head out of the stadium so he could get to Fox Tower and the promised free alcohol.

* * *

Andrew was sitting on a table pushed into a corner of the basement study room and nursing a beer when Neil finally entered the room with a group of his teammates. It was already noisy with all the Vixens and the music they had turned on and with the rest of the Foxes showing up the volume increased. Andrew longed for the quiet of his room upstairs, but he had told Neil he would give him a ride home so he remained where he was.

It took a few minutes for Neil to extract himself from his teammates - still thrilled over their victory - and to make his way over to Andrew.

“I’m surprised you’re actually here,” Neil said as he slid onto the table next to him, leaving a few inches of distance between them. Andrew fought not to think about that, how after and even before Neil pointed out Andrew’s dislike of being touched he was so careful not to crowd him or get to close. It made Andrew wonder if Neil would be good at respecting those boundaries at other moments, but that wasn’t a good place for his thoughts to go when thinking about his _fake_ date.

“Free alcohol,” Andrew responded. He grabbed the unopened beer sitting next to him on the table and held it up for Neil. Neil looked at it for a moment before shaking his head.

“I don’t drink.”

Andrew took that without comment and finished his own beer so he could crack open the second one.

“Aren’t you giving me a ride later?” Neil asked with a pointed look at the beer Andrew was sipping.

“I know my limits,” he replied.

Neil hummed and looked away. A couple minutes passed in silence before Andrew broke the tab off his can and tossed it at Neil’s scarred cheek.

“What?” Neil asked while reaching up to rub where the tab had bounced off him.

“Why does Jack keep looking over here with that disgusted look on his face?”

“You mean his natural look?” Neil quipped. When Andrew remained waiting for an answer he sighed. “Probably because he’s a homophobic asshole. Or because he’s jealous I got picked as the starting striker over him. Which, by the way, you knew about didn’t you? That’s why you called me an idiot after I told you I doubted I would get it?”

Andrew huffed while glancing over at Neil. “You’re still an idiot. Yes, Kevin told me. But anyone with eyes could see how much better you and Kevin played together tonight than he played with Jack.”

Neil looked about ready to make a comment on Andrew freely giving his opinion on something Exy-related so Andrew silenced him with a flat look. Neil turned away but Andrew could tell by the way his lips twitched that he was trying not to smile. 

Andrew stood up and put his beer aside.

“Where are you going?” Neil questioned.

“Cigarette. Want one?” Andrew said as he pulled a pack out of his pocket. 

Neil nodded and got up to follow him out of the room. No one commented on them leaving except for a snicker from Nicky that was quickly silenced (probably by Aaron) and Kevin, who started to say something to Andrew about not letting Neil be like him and ruin his lungs with smoke before Andrew let the door fall closed behind them.

Andrew led the way up to the roof and lit two cigarettes as soon as they hit open air. He sat down on the edge with his feet dangling over the side and passed one to Neil when he got settled beside him. 

Andrew blew out smoke as he took in the view, from the headlights moving down Perimeter Road, the students walking in the distance headed downtown, to the sparse lights coming from the campus. He pulled his sleeves down further over his fingers to help ward off the cold and wished he’d brought a coat. 

Andrew was halfway through his cigarette by the time Neil spoke up. 

“I like it up here. It’s…” Neil trailed off and frowned down at his cigarette as he searched for the words. “Calm?”

Andrew nodded his agreement as he watched Neil. Much like last time he had shared his cigarettes Neil wasn’t smoking it but instead cupping it in his hands and holding it in front of him. Otherwise he seemed relaxed, loose, comfortable. Andrew took a long drag as he debated whether to ask his question and held the smoke in his lungs. He blew it out on a slow exhale and decided yes.

“What do your teammates think your parents do?”

Neil stilled slightly at the question and kept regarding his cigarette. After a moment he actually brought it to his lips and took a drag. 

“I told my teammates they’re divorced,” he said on his exhale, smoke spilling from his lips into the space between them. “That I don’t get along with my father and my mother was happy to send me off to college to get me out of her house when I turned eighteen.” He shrugged. “Makes it easy enough that way to explain why I don’t bother talking to them anymore.”

“They’re dead,” Andrew stated.

Neil closed his eyes and swallowed as if to steady himself. Without opening them he took another drag. “Yes,” he said simply.

Andrew had figured as much with the way Neil talked about them. With the past tenses and with the sad note in his voice when he admitted that cigarette smoke reminded him of his mother.

“Why did you tell me different?” he asked. It was the biggest unknown about Neil he hadn’t been able to come up with a plausible answer for. Why someone as skittish and wary as Neil had admitted anything different to him than he had to his teammates. To the people he spent the majority of his time with.

“It’s not your turn Andrew,” Neil chided as he met Andrew’s eyes and the corner of his mouth quirked up the slightest bit. “Why did you tell me about your plan for Aaron’s mother? That you didn’t care either way if you survived it?”

Why indeed, Andrew thought as he ground out his cigarette and tossed it off the roof’s edge, leaning forward to watch it fall the long way down with a faint hitch in his heartbeat. He turned to face Neil and watched as he too threw his cigarette over the edge, though Neil ignored its arc through the air and inevitable crash down to the hard ground below. The catch in Andrew’s heartbeat remained.

“From the truths you had given I suspected you would not be bothered by mine. I guessed right.” Andrew knew it was true. Part of him had hoped Neil would flinch away, that he wouldn’t handle the truth well and put an end to this fake thing between them before, at least on Andrew’s part, it evolved into something else. Too late. Andrew felt like their abandoned cigarettes, tossed out into open air with no hope of a safe landing. The fall may be scary, but the crash was inevitable. 

“You answered your own question,” Neil said. “My teammates have gone through their own hardships, some I know of and plenty others I probably don’t. But it’s like we said the other day about Renee. Sometimes you just get a feeling when someone has experienced the same type of darkness you have. You can tell it’s there inside them, part of them, even if you don’t know the exact nature of it.”

Andrew nodded. The space between them felt charged and he knew if he stayed here, in the dark, on the roof, his favorite place on campus, a place where his heartbeat fluttered and jumped regardless of whether any complicated and scarred rabbits were present, he would do something he couldn’t take back. So he stood up and motioned for Neil to follow him. “Let’s get you home.”

Neil got up and followed him off the roof, and the drive back to Neil’s apartment was mostly silent.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! so I know in canon the winter banquet was at the end of finals week, but in order for the bet in the last chapter to happen it got pushed back a week. not a big change but I felt like mentioning it in case anyone had the thought. anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter and thanks Kit for the beta!

Despite the Foxes technically being on winter break at the moment, a week after their game against the Jackrabbits found them practicing at the Foxhole Court. The rest of the school had mostly gone home for the holidays and the campus was oddly quiet, but the southeast district’s winter banquet was tomorrow so the Foxes had remained behind for the week.

This didn’t bother Neil at all, considering he planned to spend all of winter break practicing anyways, but some of the others were annoyed at the messed up schedule. Their obvious irritation and uncooperativeness were definitely bringing down the mood of the entire team.

“Are you even trying?” Sheena yelled at the freshman goalie Carlos as he let yet another ball past him. “Do you seriously think you have a chance to replace Chelsea as starting goalie when she graduates if you play like this? You’re pathetic.”

“I’m not the one letting the strikers run right past me,” Carlos shot back, but Neil could tell Sheena’s comments had hit from the way he shuffled on his feet and gripped his racquet tighter. 

“Yeah well maybe if you weren’t so-”

Everyone on court jumped as Wymack banged his fist against the wall in a clear sign to knock it off and get back to practicing. 

Sheena huffed and gave Carlos another glare before getting back into position. Kylee waited for Carlos to give her a nod before she served the ball. 

The scrimmage lasted for another few minutes before Neil saw his chance. He could have put on a bit more speed to catch the ball before Sheena snagged it out of the air, but instead he slowed himself down slightly. As soon as the ball was in her net Neil sped up and didn’t stop himself from barreling her over. Sheena’s racquet flew out of her hands as she hit the ground hard, but Neil held onto his and used his momentum to roll back onto his feet. He scooped the ball off the ground and quickly fired off a shot at goal that Carlos missed only by a few inches. 

Shaun and Ollie’s jeers and laughter from the other side of the court echoed as Neil turned around to find Sheena marching over to him.

“What the fuck was that Josten?” she demanded as she stopped right in front of him. She had a few inches on him but Neil wasn’t intimidated by some bad tempered loser with an inflated ego. “Protecting a player as undeserving of the starting line up as you in a show of solidarity or is this part of your whole liking guys thing now? Think Carlos will give your fucked up face a chance after the monster gets tired of it?”

Neil could feel his father’s smile pulling at his scars and threatening to take over but before it could gain a hold hands suddenly reached out to push him and Sheena further apart.

“Off my court Sheena,” Kevin commanded from where he was now standing in between them and glaring down at her. 

“What for?” she asked, disbelieving.

“Your attitude has no place here,” Kevin said. “Off. _Now_.”

Sheena threw her hands up in frustration and stomped off the court, followed by muttering from Jack and snickering from some of the others.

Kevin turned towards Neil but Neil spoke up first. “Why’d you do that? I could have taken her down myself.”

Kevin ran a gloved hand through his hair as he sighed. “I know what it means when you get that look on your face. Whatever you were about to say would have done more damage to her already fragile ego than Andrew could probably do with his knives. If we want to make it to finals this year we need everyone in one piece.”

“Even Sheena?” Neil complained.

“Even Sheena,” Kevin repeated. He looked around the court and took in the sight of everyone leaning against the walls or their racquets, no one making a move to continue the scrimmage. He turned towards Wymack and gave him a pleading look through the plexiglass wall but Wymack just shook his head and jabbed his thumb towards the locker rooms. Kevin didn’t look happy but he didn’t seem in the mood to argue with Wymack.

“Practice is done for the day since no one here seems to be in a mood to concentrate. Change out,” Kevin finished as he started walking to the home court door. Everyone leapt at the chance to leave practice early and soon enough they were all crowded into the locker room. 

Neil grabbed a towel and a shirt and headed for the showers. Once done, he pulled the shirt on and wrapped his towel around his waist so he could grab the rest of his clothes from his locker and finish changing out in a bathroom stall. Neil had been with the Foxes for a year and half now but he hadn’t changed more than his pants in front of them. He could never work up the courage to face everyone’s judgmental stares and bare his scars when he already got enough looks for the ones on his face he couldn’t hide. The ones he had to avoid looking at in the mirror for long unless he wanted the ghost of his father to haunt his mind for the rest of the day. Sheena’s comment had already brought those memories uncomfortably close to the surface and he wasn’t in a mood to let them break through even more.

Kylee and Gino both offered Neil rides back to his apartment when he came out of the locker room but he declined in favor of running home. Since practice had let out a bit early he figured he still had some energy to burn.

That was why, when his phone rang fifteen minutes later, Neil wasn’t home in his apartment but was cutting through the library’s parking lot on the edge of campus. He stopped running and pulled it out of his pocket, expecting to see either Matt or Dan calling, maybe Kevin. Instead the number that flashed across the screen made him freeze, ice filling his veins. 

Neil took a few steadying breaths before answering the call. “Hello.”

“Neil Josten?” asked the man, who Neil recognized as US Marshal Sturn.

“It’s me,” Neil answered. 

“Good,” Sturn said. “How have you been kid? I haven’t talked to you in a while.”

“Fine, sir.”

Sturn gave a weak laugh on the other end of the phone. “You never change, do you kid? Still hate talking to us as much as you did when I first met you.” 

Neil remained silent. Sturn and the others were decent people. But his mother had taught him to never trust the authorities and going against that rule to enter the Witness Protection Program had been hard enough. Neil didn’t have the time to make friends with them and further disappoint his mother. Not that she could do anything about it now though.

“Still playing that game of yours, right? Caught a couple of your games and saw you made the starting lineup,” Sturn continued. Neil could hear the edge in his voice at that. The Marshals had not approved of his decision to play Exy, saying his fake background as Neil Josten was solid but not impenetrable. In the end enough of his father’s people were dead or behind bars that it didn’t really matter though and the choice had been his. Neil didn’t have it in him to say no. 

“Why are you calling?” Neil asked. He knew this wasn’t a casual call. The routine calls to check up on him were scheduled. 

Sturn sighed. “Let’s just cut to the chase then. You alone?”

“Yes.” Campus was silent and no one had any reason to be in the library since finals were over.

“Alright,” Sturn said, obviously debating on how to break the news. He let out another loud breath. “We caught DiMaccio.”

“Oh,” was all Neil could force out. He had been expecting terrible news if Sturn was taking the time to contact him. Like his father had risen from the dead, or Neil needed to be relocated and give up the Foxes, or someone new had appeared to take over the Butcher’s hunt of Nathaniel Wesninski. DiMaccio was the final loose end that had always tugged at Neil’s mind. Those “what ifs” circling on his bad days that DiMaccio might regret fleeing the country and come back to finish Nathan’s job. “What country was he hiding out in?”

“Not sure yet. We didn’t get a chance to ask him before we took him down.”

“Wait but…” Neil trailed off as the implications of what Sturn had said hit him full force. His knees suddenly felt weak from something more than the run he had been on and he sat down on the closet curb. “Where was he?” Neil asked, his voice sounding shaky to his ears. When Sturn didn’t answered right away Neil gritted out with more force, “Where was he found?”

“Charleston,” Sturn said, and the ice in Neil’s veins was so cold he thought he would never be able to move again. “Flew in from Europe but we’re sure it wasn’t a direct flight so we’re backtracking his movements right now. Overestimated himself there and got recognized. We went to pick him up and he was quick to pull a gun. His mistake.”

Neil knew Sturn continued talking but he couldn’t make out the words over the rushing in his ears. DiMaccio had been in Charleston. In South Carolina. Only what? Two or three hours away from Neil? From the new life he’d made here? What had he planned to do? Kill him quick to get it over with or avenge Nathan and all the others Nathaniel had helped place behind bars by drawing his death out long enough to make Nathan proud? He knew DiMaccio could do it. The man had spent years watching Nathan rip people apart piece by piece; Nathaniel wouldn’t have been a challenge at all. DiMaccio would probably have enjoyed it.

Neil’s attention was drawn back to the loud buzzing in his ear. “Are you there? Neil?” Sturn called out. 

“I-” Neil’s voice cracked but he forced the words out. “I have to go.”

“Don’t do anything stupid now you hear-” 

Neil hung up and dropped his phone in his lap. He anchored his shaking hands in his hair and willed himself to think past the panic. Instinct was telling him to run. It didn’t matter that DiMaccio was dead. He had gotten too close. Neil should’ve never stayed in one place for so long. He had been so incredibly stupid for thinking he could have a life here. That he could have friends and a team and a place of his own, a place where he finally belonged. His past would never stop calling. Didn’t his mother sacrifice enough to teach him that?

In the end it was her voice echoing through his head that brought him back to reality. His mother was dead. Mary had sacrificed herself for him, so he could live. His father was dead. He had witnessed it himself so he knew it was true. Now DiMaccio was dead. And, more than anything, Neil wished Nathaniel was dead. He wished for that part of him to be dead and buried and to never be brought back by a phone call and bad news. Because Nathaniel could never have a family and friends. But Neil could and as long as they didn’t know about Nathaniel, he wouldn’t let them go. 

Neil took a deep breath and picked up his phone. He might believe these thoughts but that didn’t mean the urge to run wasn’t still there. Neil knew himself well enough by now to know it wouldn’t take much in this state to set him off running for good. He needed something, someone, to stop him.

His first thought was to call Matt or Dan but they were too far away. Hearing their voices might steady him but he also didn’t want to worry them when they weren’t close enough to really do anything. There were his teammates, but that would bring too many questions. They were a curious bunch and Neil reaching out for help wouldn’t be something they’d leave alone without questioning until he caved. Wymack knew about him being in WITSEC, but Neil didn’t think he could handle being around a man his father and DiMaccio’s age at the moment. Kevin’s solution would be to play Exy and that might be a good distraction later but not right now, when Neil felt too shaky to stand and yet so tempted to run and never stop. Who did that leave?

Neil opened his recent calls and saw Andrew’s name near the top of the list. He paused. Would Andrew help him? Neil knew with an odd certainty that Andrew wouldn’t shy away from his panic. He would ask questions but Neil was also sure he wouldn’t push when he refused to answer them. But was Andrew even in town? Neil hesitated for a full minute as he stared at Andrew’s name on his phone screen before the panic threatened to overwhelm him again and he hit the call button. Andrew answered on the fourth ring.

“Neil,” he said in greeting.

Neil tried to speak but his voice caught in his throat.

“Neil?” Andrew said again, this time a bit louder.

“I-” Neil started before his voice gave out.

“Where are you?” Andrew asked.

Neil took a deep breath that felt like it was tearing his insides apart. “Are you on campus?” he managed to force out. The words sounded broken and pathetic even to his own ears.

“Tell me where you are, Neil,” Andrew demanded.

“Library,” he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t- I cant-”

“Stop talking. And don’t move.”

Neil heard a click as Andrew hung up.

He dropped the phone back to his lap and closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands as he fought to control his breathing. _Don’t run, don’t run, don’t run,_ was chanting through his head, trying to outweigh the other demands echoing in his mind. 

Neil flinched some indeterminable amount of time later when a hand closed around the back of his neck. He looked up to see Andrew jerking away from him as if burned. 

“Sorry,” Neil mumbled, though the word was unrecognizable with how dry his throat had gotten.

Andrew shook his head as he backed away. “Get in the car.”

Neil made it to his feet with minimal stumbling and all but fell into the passenger seat. As soon as the door closed behind him Andrew took off. Neil curled his knees against his chest and leaned his head against the cold window, not caring where they were going as long as it was away.

Neil concentrated on anything other than his spiraling thoughts after that. He watched as the road flew by, read the signs they passed even though the words didn’t stay in his mind for long, took in the bare trees with their leaves stripped away by the cold, counted Andrew’s even breaths as they drove without stopping. Anything to keep himself in the present. 

Neil didn’t know how much time had passed when Andrew said his name. He guessed it had been a while since the sun was starting to set. He turned to look at Andrew to see him holding out his pack of cigarettes. Neil grabbed it and then grabbed the lighter Andrew held out next. He put one between his lips to light it and took a drag before passing it over to Andrew, who rolled down his window a crack. He lit a second one and cupped it in his hands.

They smoked in silence as Andrew drove past a few more freeway exits. Eventually he spoke up.

“You know what my question is,” Andrew stated.

Neil nodded without looking away from his cigarette.

When he didn’t respond, Andrew asked it. “What happened?”

Neil brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled, wanting a distraction from his thoughts. But soon the burning sensation in his throat provided the opposite as he coughed out smoke and quickly tossed the cigarette out the window. He fought to ignore the scorched feeling and rubbed at his burn-covered cheek. He was fine. He was fine.

He heard the sound of Andrew’s window rolling down more and watched as he mimicked Neil and tossed his out of the car too before rolling it back up. 

“I-” Neil tried, then took a deep breath and started again, eyes on the road and not on Andrew. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t,” Neil said wearily, shaking his head. “If you want an answer it’ll be a lie. I can’t give you the truth on this one. I don’t want to lie to you Andrew, so pl- so don’t make me.” Neil didn’t want to lie to Andrew. He hadn’t willingly told anyone as many small details about his past as he’d told Andrew and he didn’t want to ruin that. Sometimes he felt that lying was so second nature to him by now that all his words were tainted by untruths. If he let his lies poison the honesty him and Andrew held between them, what reason would Andrew have to believe that Neil was telling the truth at all in the first place?

Andrew was quiet for a few minutes before speaking. “Okay. Then answer me this instead. Why did you call me?”

Andrew’s tone didn’t change at all but Neil understood him anyways. He didn’t mean _why_ did you call me. He meant why did you call _me_.

Neil wrapped his arms tighter around his legs where he held them against his chest and shrugged. “You’re the only person I knew that wouldn’t push about what was going on if I asked you not to. And…” Neil trailed off for a moment, not sure if he should continue on, but something he didn’t quite understand urged him to. “And you’re safe.” Neil glanced over at Andrew to catch his eyes flicking towards him. “I don’t know. I just knew you would be calm about it and I trust you.” Neil leaned his forehead on his knees and closed his eyes. Why did saying these words make him feel as vulnerable as he did when giving away a hidden truth?

No one spoke again for a while; the only sounds the humming of the engine, the buffeting of the wind outside, the noise of other cars along the freeway. Eventually Neil picked his head up and started paying attention to the signs. They must have turned around at some point because they were headed back in the direction of Palmetto State, probably about an hour out. Neil didn’t feel ready to go back though, didn’t feel ready to be holed up alone in his apartment with his thoughts. But he couldn’t force Andrew to drive him around the rest of the night when he’d already wasted his afternoon on Neil.

To distract himself from the inevitably of being alone tonight, Neil turned in his seat to face Andrew, much like he had the last time Andrew had driven him. 

“Staring,” Andrew said, same as last time, after a few silent minutes of this.

Unlike last time, Neil didn’t deny it. He wasn’t quite sure why he was staring, what he was really looking for, but he felt more settled doing it. 

Andrew huffed and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Neil questioned.

“Like you actually meant what you said. Like you think I’m _safe_.” The derisiveness Andrew put behind that word confused Neil.

“I can’t help how I feel,” he said. “You are. And I trust you.”

Andrew shook his head, the movement sharp and somehow conveying his frustration even though it didn’t show on his face. “Then ask me.”

“Ask you what?”

Andrew tugged down his sleeves a few inches to expose his armbands and placed his hands back on the steering wheel.

Neil had a faint feeling where this was going but refused to let it show on his face. “Why?” was all he said, knowing he didn’t need to elaborate.

Andrew braced his right arm on the steering wheel to keep the car in a straight path while he slid his fingers beneath his left armband. He pulled out a knife. 

Neil’s insides tightened at the sight. Kevin had mentioned something about Andrew’s knives and Neil had expected he carried them somewhere. But knowing he had them on his person and seeing it were two different things. Phantom pain ran through his body along his scars and he resisted the urge to touch the ones on his cheek. 

But this was Andrew, he told himself as he dragged his gaze away from where Andrew was flipping the knife over in his hands and up to Andrew’s face. Andrew wasn’t his father and he wasn’t Lola. From what he had learned over the past few weeks about Andrew, his knives meant protection, not danger. 

“Feeling safe now, Neil?” Andrew asked, something almost mocking in his tone.

“Yes,” Neil said. But he wasn’t going to lie so he also added, “No.”

Andrew stopped fiddling with the knife and turned his head to look at Neil straight on for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. 

“One of those is a lie.”

“No, they’re both true. Knives make me uncomfortable for obvious reasons,” Neil admitted with a vague gesture to himself, wondering if Andrew would pick up that he wasn’t only indicating his face. “But… your knives aren’t _their_ knives. I know you wouldn’t turn them on me. Or anyone who didn’t probably deserve it. I’m not scared because it’s you.”

Andrew continued driving for a couple minutes before he put the knife back into the sheath in his armband. “I hate you.”

“That’s fine,” Neil replied quietly. “Was that the full truth though?”

“The full truth of what?” Andrew asked.

“Are the knives the only reason you wear the armbands?”

Andrew was quiet for a minute before he said, “They are a half truth. The rest of it would cost you.” He looked over at Neil and glanced pointedly down at his shirt, or more specifically indicating what he guessed might lay beneath, before looking back up to meet Neil’s eyes. 

Neil swallowed and looked away, which was as good as an admission. Andrew seemed to be all about equality with their exchanged truths though. Neil couldn’t help but wonder if that meant Andrew was hiding scars of his own, and if so what kind.

The rest of the drive back to Palmetto remained silent after that. But the silence wasn’t a tense or awkward one. Despite the serious truths that had been confessed in the isolated vehicle Neil felt fine, content, safe. 

By the time Andrew took the exit for campus and braked for the red light, night had fallen. “Where do you want to sleep tonight?” he asked.

Neil couldn’t make sense of that question. “What?”

“Where do you want to sleep tonight?” Andrew repeated. “Fox Tower or your apartment? Unless you’re ready to be alone and promise not to run off, little rabbit.”

Neil sighed at the nickname. “I’m not going to run,” he insisted. “Not now anyway. But I wouldn’t mind not being alone tonight,” he added in a quiet voice. “Fox Tower is fine.”

Andrew nodded and turned on his left blinker.

A few minutes later they had parked the car and headed up the stairs to the third floor. Andrew pulled keys out of his pocket to unlock the door and they headed inside. 

Kevin looked up from his spot on the couch and started to say something until he caught sight of Neil. “Oh,” he stumbled, “hi.”

Neil gave a slight wave but ignored Kevin’s curious expression in favor of following Andrew into the kitchen. Andrew was digging in the fridge and turned around to toss an apple at Neil. “Eat. Do you want something more?”

Neil shook his head. His appetite hadn’t returned yet and he felt exhausted. He just wanted to sleep. Except when he was done with the apple and Andrew put back the ice cream he’d taken out of the freezer to snack on, Andrew led him to the bathroom and gave him a slight push inside. 

“Can’t I just-”

“No,” Andrew cut him off. “I picked you up from a run earlier. Wait for me to grab you some clothes and then you can shower.”

Andrew walked off without giving Neil a chance to argue. So what he had a panic attack earlier and had been tempted to run away from his life? He could still take care of himself even if Andrew didn’t think so.

When Andrew came back he seemed to sense what Neil was thinking and shoved the clothes at his chest before quickly turning away again. Neil huffed at that but took the shower anyways. It wasn’t until afterwards when he put the clothes on that he realized they were definitely Andrew’s: the pants ended just above his ankles and the long sleeved shirt kept sliding down one shoulder since his were narrower than Andrew’s. 

Neil opened the bathroom door and wasn’t surprised when Andrew appeared a moment later to continue directing him around. They walked into the bedroom and Andrew gestured to the bunk beds on the right side of the room. “Take your pick,” he said, before grabbing a pile of clothes and leaving Neil behind. 

Neil hesitated for a second before climbing into the top bed. He guessed this meant Nicky and Aaron weren’t here if he wasn’t sleeping on the couch. Why had Andrew stayed behind with Kevin?

He pushed the question, along with all his other thoughts from the long day, out of his mind and closed his eyes. 

About twenty minutes later Andrew finally came back in and he climbed up to the top bed on the other side of the room, directly across from Neil. He didn’t acknowledge him, just got himself settled with his back against the wall and closed his eyes to sleep. 

Neil found himself wanting to say something. Maybe goodnight? Andrew probably wouldn’t respond though. Instead he settled for staring at Andrew for a few minutes, ensuring himself he wasn’t alone and that he was safe here, before he finally closed his eyes and managed to fall into a fitful sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's ready for the longest chapter I've written yet? hope you enjoy! thanks to Kit for the beta

When Andrew woke up and opened his eyes to the sight of someone who was not Aaron sleeping in Aaron’s bed, it took a moment for his sleep-addled brain to remember that he had let Neil spend the night in their dorm. Neil was still asleep, red hair bright against the white pillow, faint breathing undetectable over the louder sounds of Kevin snoring on the bed below Andrew’s. 

Andrew was suddenly grateful for more than one reason that he’d convinced Kevin to let Nicky and Aaron take his car down to Columbia after finals while they remained on campus with Andrew’s car. The first was because Nicky would have been annoyingly joyful at Neil spending the night in Fox Tower with them. The second was because if Aaron had been here, Andrew wouldn’t have gotten to wake up and see Neil like this, so vulnerable and almost peaceful-looking in his sleep. Upon further thought, he decided that was actually a horrible reason to entertain in his head and forced himself to get up and stop thinking about it. 

Andrew left the warmth of his bed and quietly descended to make his way over to the door. Then he hesitated. Instead of slipping out, he climbed halfway up the rungs to Aaron’s bed and stared down at Neil.

“Neil,” he whispered. 

No response.

He leaned forward a bit more, closer to Neil’s ear but not close enough to risk touching, and said again louder, “Neil.”

Andrew jerked away as he watched Neil tense and his breathing halt. His eyes remained closed. After a moment Neil let out a slow breath and opened his eyes. He blinked a few times before sitting up and looking at Andrew.

“Morning,” he yawned.

“Come on,” Andrew replied as he stepped down and walked over to the door. 

He didn’t wait for Neil to head to the kitchen and was getting the coffee pot ready when he entered. Andrew ignored him in favor of rifling through the cupboards until he decided on pancakes for breakfast. He grabbed the mix and poured it into a bowl while Neil watched him. 

He didn’t know why Neil kept staring at him like this. Why he thought watching him drive was worthwhile or, as Andrew poured the pancake batter into a pan and watched it cooked, what Neil found so intriguing that he was content just standing there leaning against the counter and _staring_. If anyone was worth taking the time to stare at, it was Neil. Not that Andrew would let himself, but he could still see in the corner of his vision how Neil’s hair looked mussed from sleep, how his ankles were exposed from wearing Andrew’s shorter sweatpants, how he kept having to pull the shoulder of Andrew’s shirt back up every time it slipped down. 

The coffee maker beeped, signaling that it was done, and Andrew reached up to grab two mugs from the cabinet above his head and held them out to Neil. Neil came over to grab them and set about pouring them coffee.

Andrew flipped a pancake and gave Neil a look when he set the black coffee down near his elbow. “Cream,” he said. “Sugar.”

Neil picked it back up and headed to the fridge. Andrew put the finished pancake on a plate and poured more batter for another. 

Neil came back with Andrew’s now lighter colored coffee as Andrew got out the sugar from the cupboard. He stirred a generous amount into his mug and was slightly amused at the incredulous look on Neil’s face.

“That’s disgusting,” Neil said, looking appalled. “You aren’t even drinking coffee anymore, that’s just straight sugar.”

Andrew took a sip and pointedly looked at Neil’s plain black coffee he held between his hands. “Mine’s good. Yours is vile.” He went back to making pancakes and ignored Neil’s sound of disbelief. 

Ten minutes later Andrew had a huge stack of pancakes made and divvied out onto three plates. He poured maple syrup all over his but only poured a small amount on Neil’s since if he took his coffee that bitter, Andrew doubted he knew the right way to eat pancakes. He handed Neil his plate and walked over to the couch to eat his own.

Neil joined him, sitting on the opposite end of the couch, and tentatively took a bite of his pancakes, as if afraid the small amount of syrup was going to ruin them. He chewed thoughtfully for a moment before seeming to deem them acceptable and continued eating.

Neil finished his first and put his plate down as Andrew was using his last few pieces to mop up the leftover syrup on his plate.

“Thank you,” Neil said, looking down at his hands. “I- just thanks for coming yesterday.”

Andrew nodded as he finished the rest of his meal and placed the plate on the floor too. “Are you doing better?” he asked.

Neil gave a slight shrug. “A little. Still a bit shaken but I’m fine.”

“What you were yesterday was not fine,” Andrew bit out. Neil was an idiot for trying to play off whatever had happened to him yesterday. Whatever had him in that bad of a panic. Whatever he couldn’t tell Andrew or anyone else the truth about. “If you are not up to going to this stupid Exy banquet today, just say so. I can make Kevin leave you alone about it. Pretend you’re sick or something.”

Neil shook his head and ran a hand over his face. “I can’t just skip it, no matter how much I want to. I have to be there. Exy is my future. I can’t skip on events like this.”

“Are those Kevin’s words or yours?”

“His, but they’re still the truth.”

Andrew really hated these exy junkies he surrounded himself with. “It’s just one event,” he argued.

“I know,” Neil said. “And I’d rather not deal with crowds and new people and all the socializing that’ll be expected but I’m going. I can handle it. But…” Neil trailed off and started fidgeting.

“But what?” Andrew questioned, knowing Neil had something on his mind.

“Well,” Neil started, still avoiding his gaze. “Having you there yesterday helped me to calm down. It might not be as bad today if you were there.”

It took Andrew a minute to find his voice. “What are you asking?”

Neil finally looked up at him, biting his lip and looking unsure of himself. “We are already pretending to be dating for the wedding, right? What’s one more event?”

“You want me to be your date to the banquet today?” Andrew asked.

Neil chewed on his lip more while moving to fix his shirt where it had fallen down his shoulder once again. Andrew had a hard time not looking, and not because of the quick view of a scar he caught. “Only if you want to. It’s a long drive, takes about six hours to get there, so if you don’t I understand.”

Andrew knew he ought to say no. He shouldn’t give himself more excuses to be around Neil. It was only going to make these irritating feelings he was having worse. It felt like falling right then, meeting Neil’s blue eyes and getting sucked in, not being able to catch his words before they tumbled out of his mouth. “I’ll go.”

Neil’s eyes widened slightly. “Really?” he asked, obviously not expecting Andrew to actually agree.

Andrew shrugged. “It’s a long drive. Can’t have you getting tempted and running while you have the chance.”

Neil rolled his eyes but he seemed to think Andrew was joking because a slight smile formed on his face. “Thanks Andrew. You’re-”

The bedroom door opening cut Neil off from whatever he had been planning to say. Kevin walked out, still looking half asleep on his feet, and stopped when he saw them. He stared at them, as if trying to remember when Neil had gotten there, and continued into the kitchen. The sounds of the fridge opening and closing followed and then Kevin appeared with his plate of pancakes, now covered also in strawberries, and settled in one of the beanbag chairs near the couch. 

As Kevin started eating, Neil shot Andrew a mischievous little smile that he did not like one bit. 

“Morning Kevin,” Neil said as he turned in his seat to face him. “Guess what?”

“What?” Kevin mumbled around his bite.

“Andrew’s coming to the banquet with us today.”

Kevin froze mid-bite to stare at Neil. Then he turned his stare on Andrew as he forced down the food in his mouth. “I cannot believe,” he started, ready to lecture Andrew about never accompanying him to any Exy-related events or games. 

Andrew tuned him out as he watched Neil lean over and snag a few strawberries off Kevin’s plate. He then sat back in his seat on the couch and munched away on them while smirking over at Andrew. Maybe Neil was more of a devil than a rabbit, he thought. 

“Kevin,” Andrew interrupted after a few more seconds of this. “Are you trying to talk me out of coming?”

“No,” Kevin said.

“Then shut up.”

Kevin huffed and went back to eating, still peeved he wasn’t the one to convince Andrew to come. It wasn’t like he was coming because of Exy though, which is what Kevin wanted him to be interested in. He agreed because of Neil, though he wasn’t sure that was any better.

With breakfast over, Andrew drove Neil back to his apartment so he could change into his own clean clothes and grab his dress clothes for the banquet. They went back to Fox Tower so Andrew could grab clothes and Kevin, then they drove to the Foxhole Court. 

Wymack was standing next to the Foxes’ bus when they hopped out of the car. 

“Hey Dad,” Kevin said as he walked over to toss his bag in the compartment underneath the bus. 

Wymack grunted in acknowledgement as he stared at Andrew. “And what are you doing here?” he asked.

“He’s my date,” Neil spoke up.

Wymack looked back and forth between the two of them before sighing. “Of course he is. I don’t get paid enough for this. Get in the damn bus.”

Neil grabbed Andrew’s bag and stored it with his before following Andrew onto the bus. Andrew led the way to the very back, ignoring the stares of those already on board. Kylee had a big smile on her face but didn’t make a comment as Chelsea whispered in her ear. Jack and Sheena, sitting together in a row halfway down, glared at them and started talking lowly amongst themselves after they had walked past. 

Andrew took a seat in the last row and Neil slid in besides him. Kevin sat in the row in front of them and was napping within minutes of leaning his head against the window. Soon enough the rest of the Foxes arrived and settled in for the ride.

The bus was noisy as Wymack turned onto the freeway, everyone up front arguing about some movie they had recently seen while others talked about their plans for winter break. The noise filtered back to them and made a question rise in Andrew’s mind.

“What are you doing for winter break?”

“Nothing. Practicing. Don’t have anywhere to go,” Neil shrugged.

Andrew thought about that, an idea rising in his mind, but he quickly squashed it down. He had to stop forgetting that whatever _this_ was between him and Neil, it was fake. Just a deal, nothing more. 

“And you?” Neil asked. “What are you doing?”

“Spending it at the house in Columbia,” Andrew supplied. “Aaron and Nicky are already there and Kevin and I are going down tomorrow. They have his car so he’ll drive it back to Palmetto next weekend to spend Christmas with Coach and Abby. Nicky’s boyfriend Erik arrives on the 29th and Kevin’s coming back for New Year’s. Then we’re heading to the wedding. Kevin said he had Nicky send you our flight details; did you buy your plane ticket?”

Neil nodded. “I bought it last week.”

They were quiet while Andrew got lost in thought. If Neil was flying out with them, he would need a ride down to Columbia to get to the airport. Everyone thought they were dating. It wouldn’t be odd for him to have Neil stay in Columbia with them the night before the flight. But he remembered how Neil talked about being used to being all alone, how he was alone on Thanksgiving, how Matt and Dan’s concern made it clear he was alone on every holiday. What would Neil say if Andrew asked him to come down earlier? Maybe for New Year’s? He’d probably say no, Andrew thought realistically, forcing his mind to be reasonable. Neil wouldn’t want to spend time around people he really didn’t care much about in a place he’d never visited before. It’d be too far from the Foxhole Court for him anyways. 

Neil attempting to stretch his legs into the aisle distracted Andrew. He looked over to watch as Neil tried to get comfortable enough to stretch out and lean his head back to nap, all while carefully avoiding getting too close to Andrew. 

“Stop moving around,” Andrew said.

“I’m still tired from yesterday. And there’s no open rows anymore.”

“Then lay down,” Andrew said simply.

Neil froze and stared at Andrew. “What?”

“Lay down,” Andrew repeated, gesturing to his lap.

“I-” Neil started. “You sure?”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t mean it,” Andrew replied.

Neil nodded and slowly lowered himself so his head rested on Andrew’s thigh, legs stretched out over the seat and sticking a bit into the aisle. He stared up at Andrew with a questioning look on his face. Andrew just gave a slight nod and took to staring out the window. 

He could feel Neil’s eyes studying him for a while before he finally closed them. Andrew’s hand itched to reach out and thread his fingers through Neil’s hair, but he forced the urge down until it mostly disappeared. Andrew had thought Neil was stupid for trusting him, for thinking he was _safe_ of all things. But with Neil’s head resting on his thigh, his breathing evening out, he thought he might feel the same way. 

Andrew trusted very few people in his life, namely Kevin, Aaron, Nicky, Bee, and Renee. Maybe Wymack on a good day. It should concern him how Neil had weaseled his way in these past few weeks, how with every truth given and taken Andrew had let him closer and closer until he didn’t even mind Neil being close to him like this. Trust was not something he gave lightly, but he couldn’t bring himself to find fault in his trusting of Neil. No matter what angle he looked at it from, he couldn’t find a good enough reason to push him away. The thought made him angry and unsettled and buzzing with some feeling he was desperately trying to ignore all at the same time.

A couple hours passed with them like this, Andrew trying not to stare at Neil too much while Neil remained still in his sleep. Eventually he woke up around the same time Kevin did and they got to talking about the upcoming playoffs and what other teams were likely to qualify behind the Foxes. 

The Foxes were in a good place this year; even Andrew had seen it from their game against Blackwell. Last year they had made it to semifinals before being knocked out by the Trojans and the year before they were in the finals but lost to the Ravens. Kevin may be annoyed with Andrew for never going to any Exy games or events with him, even though he had a better understanding of the game than most, but he couldn’t say Andrew hadn’t come through that day. Kevin had been a mess over the prospect of playing his first game against Riko instead of at his side. Wymack knew this and that’s why he hadn’t made a comment when Andrew strolled in to the Foxes’ lounge with Kevin the day of the game and claimed a couch to himself. Andrew may have not cared enough to watch the game, but Kevin knowing he was inside the building if Riko tried anything, along with his father watching Riko like a hawk from the sidelines, gave him the confidence to play that day and not fall to Riko’s taunts. Andrew thought the Foxes probably had a chance to face Riko and the Ravens in either the semifinals or finals this year and wondered if Kevin was strong enough to hold his own against Riko yet. Andrew wouldn’t be there for him in the pro leagues so he had to learn to stand his ground soon. 

Neil and Kevin stopped talking when the first sign to Belmonte University appeared. It wasn’t long before they reached the campus and found their way to the stadium. Wymack parked the bus and directed everyone to hop out and grab their bags. The Foxes and their dates were then led into the stadium by security and brought to the away locker rooms to change and store their bags.

It had been a couple years since Andrew had last played Exy and had to get used to changing out in front of a bunch of other people, but he knew everyone would be too focused on themselves to pay attention to anyone else. He started to change into the black slacks and black button up shirt he had found in Aaron’s closet, leftover remnants from an interview or internship probably, when he noticed Neil walk out of the room with his clothes. He didn’t say anything but noticed when Neil came back in a few minutes later, now dressed. 

He took in the way Neil smoothed down the blue shirt he was wearing and checked to make sure the sleeves went far enough down so as not to reveal anything past his wrists. “Okay?” he asked in an undertone.

Neil looked up but before he could respond, Jack snorted from a few feet away. “If Neil can’t even change out in front of us with his boyfriend here, how do you think they manage when they’re in bed? Have to keep the lights out so he doesn’t see all the ugly you’re hiding Neil?” Jack seemed proud of his little statement and looked around as if waiting for someone to back him up. No one did.

Andrew sent a bored looked over Jack’s way but just looked past him. “Did someone say something Neil? I could have sworn I heard some whining from a jealous sub. Must be my imagination.”

“Well you are crazy, aren’t you Minyard?” Jack shot back with a sneer.

“Nope, can’t hear anything,” Neil added in before Jack could start. “Maybe it’s the wind?”

Shaun snorted at that and Jack looked indignant as he tried to speak up again. But before he could Gino turned around. 

“Leave it the hell alone Jack,” he said. “Sheena isn’t here to back up your bitching and none of us give a damn so just shut it.”

Jack stared at him with wide eyes as his mouth hung open at the admonishment before he stormed out of the room.

Andrew raised an eyebrow at Neil. “He is pathetic.”

“He really is,” Neil agreed, reaching up to rub at his scarred cheek. 

“Don’t,” Andrew said, grabbing his wrist to stop him. “You look fine.”

Neil gave him a doubtful look at that but before Andrew could figure out what to say Kevin walked up to them. 

“Let’s go,” he said.

Andrew released Neil’s wrist as he realized he was still holding it and they followed Kevin out to store their bags. Wymack locked the door and pocketed the key so no one could mess with their stuff, then led them through the door to the court.

The Belmonte University Terrapins had a stadium that same size as the Foxhole Court, but instead of orange the place was filled with green. Green seats filled the stadium and green lines marked the court. However, the people in charge of decorating had gone with the winter theme for the banquet so the court was now also full of blue tables and white chairs, along with flower arrangements and streamers in the same colors. There was even a Christmas tree in one corner that Andrew couldn’t help but notice both Kevin and Neil glaring at as if wondering who had allowed it onto a precious Exy court. A man announced the arrival of the Foxes as they walked through the court door. Wymack pointed them towards their table and then soon took off, probably to associate with the other coaches. 

Andrew followed Neil and Kevin as they made their way over to the table. Kevin sat down in a seat towards the middle and Andrew grabbed the seat next to him with Neil taking the one to his right. Andrew didn’t know which team was sitting across from them, but they seemed to at least not have a rivalry with the Foxes as chatter soon started up and down the table.

Kevin was talking to the girl across from him about the season when the guy next to her spoke up. “I don’t think I recognize you,” he said, addressing Andrew. “Are you new to the Foxes?”

“No,” was all Andrew said in answer. The guy kept staring at him and Andrew just stared blankly back, not in the mood to have a conversation with some stranger. 

“Andrew doesn’t play Exy,” Neil spoke up. 

“Oh, you here as someone’s date then?” the guy asked. He looked up and down the table as if searching for someone.

Andrew didn’t answer, partly because he didn’t care about this conversation and partly because he wasn’t going to force Neil out in front of these people he didn’t know. Not that it would be true, because Neil didn’t swing, but still. 

Before the guy could repeat his question, Kylee leaned forward in her seat on Kevin’s other side. “Hey,” she said, drawing the guy’s attention. “Mark, right? Tornadoes’ dealer? I’m Kylee, nice to meet you.”

Mark reached out to shake Kylee’s hand and they began talking, his attention drifting away from Andrew and Neil. Andrew didn’t know if that was convenient timing or if she’d been listening, but he wasn’t going to complain either way.

Next to him Neil was staring down at his plate with a frown as his leg bounced under the table. Andrew reached out and lightly pressed down on his knee to stop it. Neil looked up to meet Andrew’s gaze and slowly blew out some air before settling back in his seat. Andrew took his hand away after a moment.

With the Tornadoes across from them distracted with other conversations, Neil took to quietly telling Andrew about how bad their loss to the Foxes was earlier on in the season. As food was served and they ate Andrew might have actually enjoyed the insulting but honest remarks Neil made about the other team’s mishaps on the court during that game. 

Once dinner was finished, it was time for the announcement of which teams were headed to the spring championships. Andrew saw Wymack get up and start in their direction before one of the other coaches grabbed him by his sleeve and gestured for him to sit down. Wymack glared at the man before relenting and shooting Andrew a look. He didn’t know what it meant, but something in Wymack’s face put him on alert. 

Neil seemed to notice when Andrew straightened up in his chair and felt for his armbands underneath his shirt because he gave him a questioning look that Andrew ignored for the time being. 

The Terrapins’ coach thanked everyone for coming and said the usual pleasantries before introducing the ERC official in attendance tonight. Kevin and Andrew both stiffened as none other than Tetsuji Moriyama was called to the stage. They both knew that wherever Tetsuji went, Riko was usually never far behind. 

Andrew immediately scanned what he could see of the court but he couldn’t spot Riko anywhere. He hoped that meant the bastard hadn’t come, but he couldn’t see Riko passing up the chance to be somewhere Kevin was when he had an excuse like simply tagging along with his uncle. 

Tetsuji had raised Riko from the moment he was born. His father Kengo was a powerful and influential businessman with ties to many different industries, as Kevin had explained to him once. With so much money and power, Kengo had gotten it into his head that he only needed one heir to his empire because he didn’t want to risk a split in the fortune. So when his wife gave birth to a second son, Kengo handed him off to Tetsuji and washed his hands of him. Kevin said Riko had gained some small amount of consideration from Kengo and his brother Ichirou over the years with his lucrative sponsorship deals and Exy fame, but just enough to keep him thinking he had a chance of gaining their favor, not enough that it seemed to mean anything to anyone else. 

Everyone began clapping and Andrew realized Tetsuji was done announcing the top four teams in the district. The Foxes were cheering, which most likely meant they had clinched the first rank as they had expected to. Neil wasn’t cheering along with his team though. He was looking at Andrew and Kevin with worry lining his face. 

“What’s going on?” he asked.

Andrew shook his head as they were asked to get up so the tables could be moved. “Just stay close to me,” he said.

Neil nodded and listened to Andrew without complaint. Now that Andrew thought about it, Neil wouldn’t have met Riko yet, as the Foxes hadn’t played the Ravens last year. He had to have heard from the other Foxes about Kevin’s dislike of Riko, but he may not realize what Tetsuji’s presence meant for them tonight. 

The Foxes and their dates started to split up. One group went to the impromptu dance floor while the other headed over to another area of the court where they were setting up some type of game. Andrew and Neil followed Kevin as he made a beeline to Wymack.

Wymack grabbed Kevin’s shoulders and gave them a quick squeeze. “I haven’t seen him yet,” he said. “If I do I’ll warn you. There’s nothing he can do to you, Kevin. You have no need to worry.” Wymack let go of Kevin and turned to Andrew. “Don’t kill the prick all right? I don’t have time to bail you out of jail. If he does show up to stir up trouble, come find me.”

Andrew nodded even though he knew it was pointless. Wymack yelling at some rival Exy player would not look good and would bring up too many questions. No one knew about Kevin’s relationship with Riko except a handful of people. Renee, Allison, Matt, and Dan all knew, as they were around when the Foxes last played the Ravens and had agreed to keep Riko from taunting Kevin out on the court as much as they could during the game. Andrew thought Kylee might know too, from the way he could see her worried glances from across the court every once and a while, but he doubted anyone else on the team knew. No, if Riko decided to come over it was Andrew who had the pleasure of dealing with him. He couldn’t say he was too put out by the prospect. 

Kevin took a deep breath to steady himself before thanking Wymack and heading off in the direction of the other teams standing around. 

A few minutes into this and Andrew was really regretting coming to this stupid banquet. No one seemed to know how to hold a conversation that wasn’t centered around Exy. At least most people just ignored him when they realized he wasn’t on the team. Kevin led most of the conversations with Neil chipping in more and more as they went along and he grew more comfortable. Neil seemed to have mostly recovered from yesterday, though sometimes Andrew would catch him fidgeting or glancing around the room as if nervous someone had their eyes on him, but Neil’s looks drew lots of attention so Andrew wasn’t too surprised. Neil seemed oblivious to the fact that not everyone stared at him for his scars though, that some people were noticing him for his blue eyes or his sharp cheekbones or his lean body. Part of Andrew wanted to enlighten him, but he couldn’t imagine how that conversation would go.

Kevin had just led them over to the drinks table, finally allowing them a break from socializing, when Andrew heard the murmurs around the court grow. He put his cup down on the table and turned around to step halfway in front of Kevin, arms folded across his chest. A second later Riko stepped out of the crowd to approach them.

He was dressed in typical Raven colors: black clothes with accents of red. He was also wearing that trademark Raven sneer that showed so much of the hate and possessiveness that lingered in his eyes. Andrew had no idea how dumb the media could be to see Riko and think of him as a good person, someone worthy of having actual fans.

Andrew felt Kevin shrink beside him as he always did when confronted with Riko’s presence, whether it was through a screen or in person. Neil tensed up too, probably in response to Andrew and Kevin’s reactions.

“Why hello Kevin,” Riko drawled with a gleam in his eyes as he looked Kevin over. “You seem to be looking… well, I guess.” 

Andrew knew that condescending dismissal would have hit Kevin and his anger grew but he resisted pulling out his knives. At least for now. He couldn’t justify using them until Riko did more than just talk, but the problem with Riko was that was what he seemed best at. 

“I see you brought your… friend, is it? Guard dog? Whatever you deem to call him. Odd choices in friends, Kevin. I’ve never understood your fascination with Doe here,” Riko said with a shake of his head.

Aw, it seemed someone had done his homework after Andrew shut him down last time. When Kevin had gone public with dating Thea last year, Riko had not been happy. He had tried getting into contact with Kevin multiple times about it until Andrew had finally threatened him into stopping and had Kevin change his number. He had gone so far as to show up to an interview Kevin was scheduled to give, but luckily Andrew had driven him to that one since Wymack was unavailable to take him and had gotten the pleasure of driving Riko out of there before he could talk to Kevin. Someone must have been pretty upset to go digging in the meantime.

“Try again Riko. Everyone here knows my story,” Andrew said, gesturing to Kevin and Neil beside him.

Riko scoffed. “Do they really Doe? Because I’ve found some very interesting things out about you over the last few months. That’s the thing with having lots of money and a powerful name, not that you would know how that feels, but paying people to look into matters for you can be very fruitful. One of these people informed me of your name being purposely left out of some high trial case out in California about two years ago. Something about you not wanting your name involved in the court case of – oh, what was his name – Drake Spear?”

Andrew forced himself not to react that name, to not allow those thoughts to take hold when he was supposed to be standing between Riko and Kevin right now. But he heard Kevin make a small sound beside him as he recognized the name. Riko’s smile grew wider at the noise.

“It seems Kevin here knows the name. Tell us Kevin, what do you know of Andrew’s favorite foster brother that was convicted of-”

Riko stopped talking as Andrew suddenly took a step forward, hand reaching for a knife. Before he could pull it out he was stilled by Neil lightly touching his arm. Andrew looked to Neil, who shook his head. 

“Someone like Riko isn’t worth it, Andrew,” Neil advised with a dismissing look towards Riko. “All talk no bite. His words mean nothing.”

The scathing look Riko threw Neil would have made someone else flinch, but Neil barely acknowledged it. 

“Who are you to talk to me like that?” Riko spat. “You’re just some worthless striker Kevin chose to have on the line up out of pity. You’ve barely played Exy for two full years.”

“I don’t need to play Exy for two years to know you’re scum who isn’t worth the ground he walks on,” Neil shot back. “I practice every day with the best striker in the sport. Why should I give a damn about what you have to say?”

“Kevin has never been the best and he never will be,” Riko sneered. “What are you? Just another guard dog needed to keep Doe in line?”

“You know, I get it,” Neil said as a sharp smile grew on his face. The danger it promised Riko if he kept talking almost made Andrew shiver. “Unlike us normal people, you must not know what friends look like. Never had one, I presume? It’s all right, I can’t blame anyone for doing their best to stay away from you once they got a glimpse behind that fake mask you present to the public that makes them think you’re a worthwhile player and person. If the media could see you now? It would be hilarious to see everyone’s opinions of you crushed within seconds. No one wants to deal with an arrogant fuck like you Riko. I believe I once heard rumors of how your own father doesn’t care to deal with you either. What? Did he have a five second conversation with you and see what the rest of us do? He probably regrets the day you were born, if he even cares to waste time thinking about it. I think we’re done here so why don’t you leave us alone, okay? Go bother someone else with your delusions, maybe they’ll even pity you enough to listen for a full minute.”

Kevin let out strangled sound that matched the look on Riko’s face: complete and utter astonishment. Andrew noticed the moment it transformed into pure, untempered hatred. He was just fast enough to pull Neil behind him as Riko lunged forward. Andrew shoved Riko, who went stumbling backwards. Before Riko could lash out again Kylee and Gino appeared out of nowhere to grab his arms and haul him back. Wymack and the coaches rushed over a second later to demand to know what was going on.

Andrew remained silent and Kevin, pale with shock, couldn’t get himself to give an answer. 

Neil’s sharp smile didn’t fade as he glanced over at Wymack. “Coach, I just told him the truth. If he can say rude things to Kevin and Andrew I’m allowed to give him my opinions too, right?”

Wymack shook his head. “You and your foul mouth can get off the court right now and wait for me in the away lounge. Andrew, watch him and take Kevin too.”

Andrew nodded, for once fine with what Wymack commanded him to do. Riko was still glaring at Neil. He had shaken Kylee and Gino off and everyone around him had taken a step back, not wanting to get near him when his unchecked mood was on full display. Andrew gave Riko a quick two-fingered salute as he herded Kevin and Neil away. 

Riko let out a frustrated noise and started to say something until Wymack cut him off with a “cool it now, Riko.” Andrew admired the man’s restraint as he knew what Wymack would rather be doing to the guy who’d hurt his son.

The second the three of them had made it to the away lounge Kevin collapsed on one of the couches. “You,” he started, shaking his head as he stared at Neil. “Why did you say that? _How_ did you say that? Don’t you know who Riko is?”

“Yeah, he’s a prick,” answered Neil, sitting down on the other couch. “He deserved Andrew going at him with his knives but I thought it was a little too public for that unfortunately.”

Kevin gaped at Neil, then turned to Andrew. “What did you do to him?”

“Me?” questioned Andrew. “Have you listened to the comments Neil makes half the time? I’m not that surprised he has such a sharp tongue.” That was partly a lie. Andrew had definitely heard enough of Neil’s quick remarks and insults to guess he could do some damage with his words if he wanted to do. He just hadn’t expected him to do it where it would draw so much attention to himself. Especially not to some Exy figure as well known as Riko.

“No, I know about that,” Kevin said, gesturing weakly to Neil’s still sharp smile. “But to Riko of all people.”

“Not all people are terrified of him like you are,” Andrew said. Kevin looked a bit sick at that comment and Andrew realized that was a bit harsh. Yes, he had hoped Kevin would be better able to deal with Riko by now, but it was understandable that he wasn’t. 

He sighed. “You have nothing to worry about Kevin. Everyone on the court just got a glimpse of the real Riko back there and they are all going to be thinking of how unhinged he seemed. He has his own problems to worry about now.” Andrew turned to Neil. “You, on the other hand, probably just replaced me on Riko’s most hated list. Congrats.”

“Do I get a prize?” Neil asked.

Kevin groaned and buried his face in his hands.

Andrew walked over to Neil and crouched in front of him. Neil seemed okay enough on the surface, but Andrew could tell something more was going on. Neil held his gaze for a few seconds before his hand slowly came up and covered his mouth. He pressed it so hard against his smile it began to shake. 

Andrew lifted his hand up and when Neil didn’t react, grabbed the back of his neck. He slowly pulled Neil forward so he was leaning over his knees. “Breathe Neil,” he whispered into his ear.

Neil took one shuddering breath and slowly let it out. He took a few more before he could force that smile off his face, but when he did he straightened up and lowered his hand. Andrew gave his neck another squeeze before letting go and standing up. 

Andrew turned to find Wymack had entered the room and both him and Kevin were staring at them. 

“Yes?” Andrew questioned.

Wymack shook his head at him and looked over at Neil. “Do you enjoy causing trouble for me?”

“When have I ever caused trouble for you before?”

“Well let’s see,” Wymack said gruffly. “How about earlier this season when you ripped that reporter to shreds for coming at Kylee in that interview? Or last season when you went on a five minute tirade about the dirty playing style of the Bearcats? Or the other week when-”

“Fine, I get it Coach,” Neil muttered, crossing his arms. “But Riko deserved it.”

It sounded like there were a lot of videos Andrew had to look up and watch. 

“I’m not saying he didn’t,” Wymack replied. “But that was one hell of a way to go about it. I don’t know what you said but I’ve never seen him that furious before.”

Neil shrugged, obviously not caring about Riko’s newfound ire for him and not regretting his words one bit. 

Wymack sighed again. “All right, go get changed and get your things. I’ll round up the others and then we’re getting out of here tonight. No point staying when that prick and his uncle are in town.”

Andrew nodded his agreement with that decision and followed Wymack to get their stuff out of the locked room. They quickly changed out, Neil heading to the bathroom again, and Wymack tossed them the keys to the bus as the rest of the Foxes arrived to change.

A few of the older Foxes cheered when they saw Neil and high-fived him for tearing into Riko. Some of the freshmen seemed confused but Andrew guessed they would be filled in about what little the team knew of Kevin and Riko’s issues by the time they got back to Palmetto.

Andrew and Neil once again settled in the back row of the bus while Kevin claimed the row in front of them. None of them spoke until the rest of Foxes were seated and Wymack had the bus back on the road.

Andrew turned to Neil, who had his knees pulled up on the seat in front of him. “Do you like making enemies?” he asked.

Neil huffed out a humorless laugh as he shook his head. “One of my many talents it seems. Always trying to find something to run away from, right?”

Andrew didn’t respond to that, his mind instead busy making new connections. Was that why Neil panicked yesterday? Some type of “enemy” coming to haunt him and tempt him into running away?

Either way, taunting Riko was not a smart decision on Neil’s part, especially after what he heard Riko claim about paying people to look into Andrew’s past. Did Neil think Riko wouldn’t turn the same tactic on him? It seemed Neil had much more to hide than Andrew did.

“Riko may look into your past like he did mine now that you’ve insulted him. Are you prepared for that?”

Neil shrugged, but Andrew could tell he wasn’t quite as confident as he was trying to sound. “Let him. People more dangerous than him have tried and failed when it comes to getting dirt on people like me.”

Andrew didn’t quite understand what that meant, but he put the comment in the back of his mind to try to make sense of later. 

“Besides,” Neil started, staring at his knees in front of him, his voice a whisper. “It was worth it for the way he was looking at Kevin. And for what he said to you. I don’t know what he meant, and I’m not going to ask, but if he says something like that to you again I’m not going to hold back.”

“Are you saying that was you holding back?”

An echo of that sharp smile from earlier appeared on Neil’s face for a moment. “Just because I don’t like knives doesn’t mean I don’t know how to use them Andrew.”

Andrew couldn’t decide if he ever wanted to see Neil wield a knife or not. He didn’t doubt he could though. “Doesn’t matter,” he said instead. “I do not need anyone’s protection. It will never come to that.”

Neil looked at him with something akin to annoyance on his face. “So you can risk yourself to watch our backs but I can’t watch yours?”

“I don’t need you to,” he pointed out.

“Even the strongest people can fall Andrew,” Neil said in a quiet voice, curling in on himself. The faraway look in his eyes said he was thinking about someone in particular. Andrew hated how vague Neil was at times, but what he hated even more was how intrigued he was over everything he hinted at. 

“Neil,” Andrew began without thinking, wanting to chase away that haunted look. Neil looked back over to him in question, that loneliness and exhaustion written all over his face. With just one look Neil completely flipped everything Andrew had decided on earlier sideways. “You shouldn’t spend the holidays alone. Not right now.”

Neil sighed. “You sound like Matt and Dan. What do you propose I do then? Ask to join in on Kevin and Coach’s family time?”

“No,” Andrew said. “Come to Columbia.”

Neil’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. “But… really? With you, Aaron, and Nicky?”

“Yes,” Andrew said simply, keeping his tone unaffected. “And Erik once he gets here. Come for Christmas. Or New Year’s. Or both. You will need to come down for the trip soon enough anyways.”

Neil chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments while thinking. “Okay,” he said hesitantly, still seeming confused by the offer. “I wanted to practice some over break though, so many next weekend? That way I can get some time at the court in.”

Andrew sighed. “Junkie. Fine. I can get you next Saturday.”

“You sure?” he asked. “I can find a ride down so you don’t have to drive back.”

“No.”

“Um all right,” Neil said. 

Andrew nodded and looked away from Neil and out his window. This was bound to be a mistake, having Neil spend almost two weeks straight with his family. Andrew was still caught in the fall though, helpless to stop it and knowing that inevitable crash was coming. Might as well accept it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is part 1 of the holidays! also so much thanks to my beta Kit for the help on this chapter

Neil tossed his duffel in the trunk and went to hop in the passenger seat of Andrew’s car. He shut the door behind him and Andrew tore out of the parking lot, driving as fast as always.

It was finally Saturday, the 23rd of December, and Neil was headed to spend the holidays with Andrew and his family. The whole situation was decidedly odd and he didn’t quite understand why Andrew had invited him in the first place. They were pretending to be dating partly to get Andrew’s family to stop pestering him about needing a date to Allison and Renee’s upcoming wedding, so why Andrew wanted to have Neil around now and spend even more time having to fake this thing between them, he didn’t know. 

Matt and Dan had been equally surprised when they started in on their customary “no one should spend the holidays alone” speech only for Neil to tell them he wasn’t, that he was spending it with, as they liked to call them, “the monsters.” He had to admit seeing Matt and Dan stumped like that was a bit funny. He was finally listening to them but only for his holidays to be spent with the least likely of people, at least from their perspective. Neil had only met Nicky once and had only spoken to Aaron during their tutoring sessions, but Kevin and Andrew were both his friends. Neil thought this was a pretty good choice on his part if he was going to spend the holidays with anyone. 

That didn’t mean he wasn’t slightly nervous though. The last time he had celebrated Christmas would have been back in Baltimore, and he wouldn’t exactly call that “celebrating.” Once when he was young his mother had bought him a stuffed rabbit as a Christmas gift (not that he would ever share this fact with Andrew). His father had sneered at him when he refused to let go of the thing. Most of the memories of his oldest scars from the house in Baltimore had all jumbled together by now, but he knew exactly which one had come from his father deciding to cut the rabbit in half while he was still holding it. 

So yes, Neil didn’t really know what to expect from a proper Christmas. He just knew that people usually got together with their families, ate and drank a lot, watched horribly cheesy Christmas films (he would be happy to never watch one again after Matt had forced him to watch some last year when he realized Neil had never seen any), and exchanged gifts. 

It was the gift exchanging that unnerved Neil the most. He’d never bought anyone gifts before but after the embarrassment last year of receiving gifts from Matt and Dan and Kylee and even a few other Foxes without having anything to give in return, he was determined to not relive that experience this year. He had spent the last week piling up a collection of gifts to send out: that movie series collection Matt wanted, new film for Dan’s old camera, a Fox necklace he found for Kylee, even a small watercolor painting he had seen in a store downtown and had the feeling both Allison and Renee would like. He had found something small for Andrew too, but he was still undecided if he was actually going to give it to him.

When he had asked Matt and Dan if he should get something for Andrew, they had given him odd looks for asking such a question since they assumed the answer was obvious. But Andrew and Neil weren’t actually dating, everything between them was fake, so would it be weird if he gave him a gift? And why he did want to anyways? Sometimes Andrew confused him, made him feel odd inside and sort of jittery. And sometimes Andrew would look at him in a way that made Neil think he might feel that way too. It was a ridiculous thought and Neil blamed it on having never swung for anyone before. Pretending as if he did now must be messing with his brain. In the end it didn’t matter; their deal would be over in two weeks anyways.

The drive down to Columbia took over an hour and Andrew and Neil didn’t talk much, both content to sit in silence as Andrew sped through the traffic and Neil watched the scenery flash by them. It wasn’t until Andrew had pulled the car into the driveway and shut it off that he turned to Neil.

“If Nicky gets to be too much, let me know.”

Nicky had seemed fine when Neil met him at that game, if not a bit excitable, so Neil wasn’t too worried. “All right,” he replied.

Andrew waited a second for Neil to say anything else and when he didn’t, got out of the car. Neil went around to grab his duffel from the trunk before following Andrew inside.

The house was silent as they entered. Neil gave Andrew a questioning look over that, expecting Aaron and Nicky to be here.

“I told them to pick up dinner tonight. They must not be back yet,” he said. 

Neil nodded as he followed Andrew down the hall. On the left it opened up into a living room with a TV, couches, and chair. To the right was the entrance to the kitchen and further ahead was a door to a bedroom and a set of stairs. Andrew led Neil up to the second floor and opened the door to the first room on the right.

“You can put your bag in here.”

Neil had just placed it next to a desk along the closest wall when they heard the front door open. 

“We’re home!” sang out Nicky. “You better be decent!”

Andrew rolled his eyes and started back down the stairs. When they reached the bottom a beaming Nicky walked out of the kitchen.

“Welcome to the family, Neil!” he said, arms open. “Tell me you’re a hugger, with those two for cousins I’m starved for familial affection.”

Neil didn’t mind hugs from Matt and Dan, even Kylee at times, but he barely knew Nicky and was still reeling from the fact that apparently “dating” Andrew for a few weeks was enough to be considered part of the family. His discomfort must have shown, because Andrew warned, “Nicky,” on his way by to the kitchen. 

Nicky’s face fell as his arms did, and Neil shot him an apologetic look as he hurried after Andrew.

Aaron was unloading take out containers from their bags onto the kitchen table when they walked in. Andrew went over and started opening all the lids until Aaron tried to smack his hand away and shoved a container he had just taken out towards him. Andrew grabbed it and sank down into a seat to start eating.

Aaron sighed and held one out to Neil. Neil hesitated briefly before taking it, Aaron staring at him in silence the whole time. He felt like Aaron was judging him or analyzing him or something. It was completely different than the way Aaron had looked at him with impatience or annoyance during their old tutoring sessions. 

Neil sat down in the chair next to Andrew as Nicky started talking about some annoying couple at the restaurant who had been complaining about their food loudly to their waiter. He opened his box to reveal some type of pasta.

“Do you not like Italian?” Andrew questioned as he watched Neil stare at it.

“No, it’s fine,” he insisted as he began to eat. 

It was good, some type of tomato based sauce. Neil was just stuck wondering if he should offer money to Nicky for it, and who had picked it out for him.

Neil listened as Nicky and Aaron talked, Andrew occasionally chiming in with a comment here or there, before Nicky turned the full force of his attention on Neil and he had to stop himself from trying to huddle down in his seat. 

“So Neil,” Nicky started, and Neil braced himself for whatever was coming. “Andrew refuses to answer any question I ask about you and Aaron doesn’t have anything to say outside of you sucking at chemistry. Kevin will only tell me about convincing you to join the Exy team and nothing else. It’s not fair that I know so little about my favorite cousin’s boyfriend.” Aaron gave Nicky a shove at that but he only snickered. “So tell me a little about yourself.”

Neil took to playing with the hem of his shirt as he debated whether coming here had been a good idea after all. What could he even say about himself? He played Exy and was going to the wedding as Andrew’s date. Why did Nicky want to know anything else?

In the end he just shrugged, at a loss of what to say. 

“That’s a horrible question to ask,” Aaron spoke up. “Tell me about yourself? Worst interview question ever.”

Neil nodded his agreement as Nicky huffed.

“Fine,” he said. “Neil, Allison told me you know Matt and Dan pretty well, right?”

“Yeah,” Neil replied, feeling less awkward when his friends were the topic being brought up. “Matt and I became friends last year when we were playing Exy together and I met Dan when she came to visit him a few times. I still talk to them every week.”

“That’s great!” Nicky enthused. “Matt and Dan are good people. Besides Allison and Renee they were the ones I got along with the best in Fox Tower.”

Neil nodded. “I’m excited to see them next week.”

“Me too. I can’t wait to see everyone, it’ll be like a mini reunion! Kevin said even Jeremy was going to come. Have you seen he’s been working with Allison to promote her new line of sportswear? Those ads are so hot. Apparently he’s bringing some French guy he recently starting dating though, which is slightly disappointing, but I’ll live.”

“I’m going to tell Erik you said that,” Aaron claimed. 

Nicky flipped his hand in dismissal. “I sent Erik a picture of the ad. He knows.”

“Erik’s your boyfriend?” Neil asked, hoping to keep the attention off of himself. 

Neil noticed Andrew give him a look out of the corner of his eye, probably knowing exactly what Neil was doing, but he ignored it. 

It worked. Nicky spent the rest of dinner talking about Erik and how he met him in Germany and how excited he was to be moving out there once he graduated. At one point he brought up how the twins should visit him once he’s all settled and that Neil could come too. He almost admitted he’d already been to Germany before catching himself at the last moment. Andrew knew, but that was risky enough. He couldn’t allow anyone else to learn these bits of his past. Anyone putting it together and figuring out who Neil really was would end in disaster. What would Nicky or Aaron or even the Foxes say if they knew he was the son of a crime lord? That his father was the notorious Butcher of Baltimore who’d killed so many? They would never be able to look at him the same again.

Neil was mostly quiet the rest of the night, his thoughts about his father making him worried that Nicky would ask more personal questions of him and he would slip. But surprisingly no one seemed to mind. After dinner they retired to living room, Andrew and Neil taking one couch, Aaron taking the armchair and Nicky sitting on the ground with his back to the couch. Aaron turned on some video game and Nicky tried to teach Neil how to play. Neil found he didn’t really have the patience for it.

He was sitting with the controller held limply in his hands as his on-screen character was once again out of lives when he felt Andrew shift on the other side of the couch. Neil looked over to see Andrew silently holding out the pint of ice cream he had retrieved from the freezer a few minutes ago. His eyes travelled from the offering to Andrew’s face, but Andrew had his gaze fixed on the TV. 

Neil reached out to take it. He unstuck the spoon from where Andrew had jabbed it into the middle and carefully dug around the chocolate swirls and brownie pieces to get a bite that was solely vanilla ice cream. The sugary taste coated his mouth but he took another small bite just because Andrew had offered to share. He licked the spoon and looked up to see Andrew watching him.

“What?” he asked, stabbing the spoon back into the ice cream so it wouldn’t tip over and handing it back over to Andrew.

Andrew took it and seemed to noticed the small ice cream only bites Neil had carved out. 

“Boring,” he said.

“I don’t like sweets,” Neil shrugged. “But boring?” he hummed. “You’ve never called me that before.”

Of course Nicky wasn’t paying enough attention to the video game to not overhear them.

“What does he usually call you?” Nicky asked excitedly, tilting his head back on the couch to look at them. “Pet names? Babe? Oh, sweetheart? What about- ow, Andrew! That’s disgusting!”

Neil stifled a laugh over Nicky’s indignant screeching about the ice cream covered spoon Andrew had just thrown at his head. Nicky ran off to rinse it out of his hair while Aaron sighed before turning off the TV and also leaving the room.

Andrew got up and left with his ice cream, returning a moment later with empty hands. He inclined his head towards the hall and Neil took that as a cue to follow him. 

They climbed the stairs and walked into Andrew’s room. 

“You can use the bathroom first,” Andrew said.

Neil nodded and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt from his bag along with his toothbrush. A few minutes later he walked back through Andrew’s door only for Andrew to brush past him without a word. Not knowing what to do and not knowing if sitting on Andrew’s bed was okay, he sat down on the chair at his desk. 

Andrew had a few scattered books stacked on it, along with what looked to be old abandoned class notes. Neil quelled the urge to nose through any of it. Instead he looked at Andrew’s bed; it wasn’t small but it wasn’t that big either. Neil was a still sleeper on account of years spent sleeping in the same bed as his mother and the both of them needing to be able to awaken at the slightest out of place sound. But when he had pointed out that Andrew didn’t like to be touched, Andrew hadn’t denied it. He highly doubted Andrew would ever do anything he didn’t want to, but he was still didn’t want Andrew to offer to let him sleep here just because Nicky and Aaron might expect it. 

So when Andrew walked into the room a minute later, Neil clumsily jumped out of the chair in his hurry. Andrew stopped and stared at him. 

“I, um, I’ll sleep on the couch. Okay?” Neil said before Andrew could speak. 

Andrew just continued to stare at him for a while before slowly nodding. Neil nodded back and went to leave the room, but when he passed Andrew and reached the doorway he was stopped by Andrew calling his name. He looked back only to have a pillow tossed at his chest and he reflexively caught it before it could drop to the floor.

“Close the door behind you,” Andrew said before turning back towards his bed.

Neil nodded once again even though Andrew wasn’t looking and headed downstairs. He found a threadbare blanket that he hoped would keep him warm enough and laid down on the couch. It look him longer than normal to fall asleep and part of him was disappointed in himself; it was a sign he was getting soft. He used to be able to fall asleep in all sorts of places: ones that were loud with tons of strange sounds or ones that were eerily and sometimes dangerously quiet. This quiet house with its unfamiliar creaks and soft noises and a person he trusted upstairs shouldn’t be a problem for him. But Neil had learned by now that it was often the most commonplace things, or familiar people, that had a habit of surprising him. 

* * *

Neil awoke the next morning to the front door slamming shut. He remained still, eyes closed, remembering where he was, the habit ingrained in him from his time on the run, before he slowly allowed his eyes to open and sat up. 

He heard a loud yawn sound from the kitchen, along with the noise of mugs being dropped onto the countertop, and went to investigate.

Neil entered the kitchen to find a still half asleep Nicky filling a mug with coffee. Nicky turned around and jumped, coffee sloshing over his hands. 

“Neil!” he exclaimed while setting the mug back down and rushing to the sink to rinse the coffee off his hands. “I didn’t see you there! You’re so quiet.”

“Sorry,” Neil mumbled as he blinked sleep from his eyes.

Nicky wiped his hands on a towel and poured another mug of coffee. He brought both mugs to the table and sat down, gesturing to the seat across from his. “Sit down, Neil.”

Neil did what he asked and took the mug in his hands, enjoying the warmth seeping from it. He blew over the top of it before taking a small sip.

They drank their coffee in silence for a few minutes, Neil slowly and Nicky as if downing it all at once would help to wake him up faster. Nicky had just sat down with his second cup when he seemed awake enough to start talking.

“So Neil, I heard you really gave Kevin a shock the other day.”

Neil stared at him over his mug, not knowing what he was referring to.

“When you stood up to Riko,” Nicky supplied when he realized Neil’s confusion. “When you - and I quote, ‘tore into Riko and called him out on all his insecurities because Neil has a death wish.’ Kevin’s drunk words, if you were wondering.”

Neil froze up momentarily at the mention of Riko, then forced himself to act uncaring and shrugged. “I said it then and I’ll say it again. I don’t know what’s going on between him and Kevin and Andrew but I won’t sit back and listen to him speak about either of them like that.” 

Nicky shook his head slowly but the expression on his face wasn’t one of disapproval. “Leave it to Andrew to find the one other person willing to talk back to Riko. Kevin didn’t mention Riko saying anything about Andrew though. What’d he say?”

Neil hesitated, not knowing if he should repeat it if Kevin had purposely left it out when telling Nicky. He settled on the part he knew Nicky would already be familiar with. “He called him Doe and mentioned his time in the foster system.”

“Oh,” Nicky said, expression falling. “That’s kind of a forbidden topic with Andrew. He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

Neil didn’t say anything, instead thinking about how Nicky must not know about whoever Drake Spear was if Andrew didn’t talk about his past in foster care with him. Judging from both Kevin and Andrew’s reaction to the name, Nicky would have reacted more if he knew anything about Andrew’s time there. 

“Why does he hate Riko so much?” Neil asked, wanting to move the conversation in a different direction. “I’ve heard from the team about Kevin and Riko’s rivalry. And the media mentions sometimes about how Kevin’s mother was friends with Tetsuji and Kevin and Riko grew up playing Exy together until he came to the Foxes. But what I saw was more than just an on court rivalry.”

“They didn’t tell you?” Nicky questioned. He tapped on the handle of his coffee mug in thought a few times before coming to a decision. “Alright, if you’re here than Andrew obviously trusts you and you’ll find out about this soon enough anyways. But Kevin and Riko used to be a thing.”

Nicky paused, as if waiting for Neil to react, but Neil didn’t get it. 

“What do you mean they were a thing?”

“I mean they were dating, Neil. You know that thing you do with Andrew?”

“Oh,” Neil said. “Really? Matt had mentioned Kevin was bi but _Riko_? How could he have ever liked him?”

“Beats me,” replied Nicky. “Kevin certainly regrets it now though. Riko was awful to him. Not that anyone noticed. Say what you want about Riko but he knows how to act charming on the surface when certain people are around. Who knows how long he would’ve kept Kevin at his side, too scared to leave him, if Kevin hadn’t found out Wymack was his father when his mother died.” Nicky shook his head. “It was sad, but at least it resulted in him escaping Riko.”

Neil nodded, even more confident in his defense of Andrew and Kevin at the banquet now despite how nervous he was that Riko might remember him. 

He pushed that thought from his mind and finished his coffee. Nicky grabbed his mug and got up to pour him another. 

“You know,” Nicky said as he leaned against the counter and looked back at Neil. “Kevin, Aaron, and I, we were surprised when Andrew said he was dating someone. Andrew is… well you know how he is. He doesn’t really let many people in. Or even give them a chance in the first place. I was starting to think he wouldn’t ever find someone. I’m glad he has you now though. He’s been… happier isn’t really the best word to describe Andrew, but he’s been better, maybe, the last month or so? Whatever you want to call it, it’s been noticeable.”

Neil didn’t know how to respond to that. Nicky must be seeing things if he actually thought their fake dating was affecting Andrew in any way. He almost felt bad in that moment, wondering what Nicky would think of him once the deal was over and Andrew and Neil no longer had to pretend to be together. Would Nicky hate him for “leaving” Andrew, just when he thought Andrew had finally found someone? He hoped not, but he also knew he would. 

Just then the front door opened, saving Neil from having to comment. Nicky jumped slightly and looked around guiltily as Andrew appeared in the doorway, probably worried that he’d almost been caught talking about him. Andrew raised a brow at Nicky but decided to ignore him in favor of setting the bag he held on the table. Nicky came over to fish the box of doughnuts out of it and grabbed one before thanking Andrew and leaving the kitchen. 

Andrew watched Nicky leave and turned to Neil. “What’s wrong with him?”

Neil shrugged, not willing to throw Nicky under the bus for saying something he, albeit falsely, thought was true.

Andrew interpreted Neil’s silence however he wanted and poured himself some coffee to go with his mug of mainly sugar. Neil tried not to say anything this time but by the look Andrew gave him as he sat down and dipped a doughnut into the monstrosity, as if daring Neil to speak, his disgust must be written all over his face.

Aaron came out shortly after and grabbed some doughnuts and coffee before leaving the kitchen to turn on the TV in the other room. Andrew ate a few more while Neil picked plainest one he could find. They eventually joined Aaron in watching mindless TV shows - thankfully not Christmas movies - and Nicky joined in too. 

The rest of Christmas Eve wasted away like that, snacks and drinks in front of the TV, reality game shows giving way to more video games as the sun descended beyond the windows. Neil hadn’t known what to expect but he thought he preferred this type of laid back holiday celebration. It was nice just being able to relax and not have any obligations to think about for once. 

When midnight came around, everyone besides Neil slowly filtered to their own rooms and he fell asleep a lot quicker than the night before.

It felt like only a few hours had passed when Neil was abruptly woken up the next morning. 

“Merry Christmas!” a voice called out way too loudly from nearby, accompanied by the movement of the couch as someone slapped their hands down on the back of it. Instinct had Neil hurrying to get up and get away at the sound of something so loud and so close, but the blanket got tangled around his legs and he ended up tumbling off the couch. 

He looked up to meet Nicky’s wide eyes and immediately remembered where he was.

“Nicky,” he hissed, rubbing his elbow where it had slammed against the coffee table in front of the couch. “Was that really necessary?”

“Sorry,” he said quickly, coming around the couch to help Neil up. Neil refused his hand and untangled himself from the blanket as Nicky babbled on.

“I’m used to Kevin sleeping on the couch and I could jump on it and he still wouldn’t wake up! I wasn’t thinking. And why are you down here instead of in Andrew’s room anyways?”

Neil stood up to see Andrew leaning in the doorway.

Nicky followed his gaze. “Andrew! Merry Christmas! I promised I wasn’t trying to injure your boyfriend, I didn’t mean to startle him.”

“Startling him into running is not hard to do,” Andrew said.

Neil could see Andrew wanted to add a rabbit comment in there but apparently Nicky’s talk of pet names the other day had him second guessing saying that when other people were around.

“Shut up,” Neil muttered anyways. 

Andrew turned and Neil and Nicky followed him to the kitchen. They sat at the table while Andrew silently went about collecting mugs and pulling what looked to be hot chocolate mix out of the cupboards. Aaron appeared yawning a minute later and slumped down in a chair.

Nicky looked over at him and smirked. “You look tired Aaron. Up late wishing Katelyn a happy holiday?”

Aaron glared at Nicky but couldn’t hide the slight blush that rose on his cheeks as Nicky snickered. Neil wondered if Andrew could blush like that too, but then quickly turned his attention away when he felt heat rise on his own face at the thought. 

Of course Andrew noticed and raised an eyebrow at Neil as he came over to set four mugs of hot chocolate on the kitchen table. Neil grabbed a mug and forced himself to take a sip of the sweet drink.

Andrew pulled out a can of whipped cream and put so much on his drink that it was threatening to tip over at any second. He passed the can to Neil, who passed to right on to Nicky, who added a more moderate amount to his drink before trying to spray some in Aaron’s face. Aaron grabbed it from Nicky and only added a dollop on his drink as he wiped some from his cheek. 

Neil drank half of his before setting it down in front of him. 

“It’s Christmas tradition,” Nicky said when he saw Neil was done. “You have to finish it.”

Before Neil could protest, Andrew reached over and slid it towards himself. He added whipped cream before starting to drink it.

“Or not,” Nicky mumbled into his mug. 

Aaron snorted and got up to put his mug in the sink. Once done with Christmas “breakfast” (Neil was glad Kevin wasn’t here to see how much sugar he was being forced to eat) Neil went to the living room while the others briefly disappeared to their own rooms before joining him, now each holding boxes or bags. Andrew sat on the other side of the couch while Aaron took the armchair and Nicky sat facing them with his back to the TV.

“I’ll go first,” Nicky said while tossing one wrapped package at Aaron and another at Andrew. Then he reached behind him and tossed one to Neil too. 

Neil caught it on instinct as that same guilty feeling from last year came over him. “Nicky, I’m sorry I didn’t-”

“Hush,” smiled Nicky. “Don’t worry about it. Andrew told me not to but I felt bad and did anyways. You couldn’t have known I’d get you something.”

Neil nodded, still feeling bad as the sounds of wrapping paper being ripped apart filled the room around him.

Aaron got his open first and pulled out a shirt that had MUSC written on the front.

“Nicky-” Aaron started.

“No,” Nicky interrupted. “Stop doubting yourself. Your grades are perfect and you are going to get in and so is Katelyn and you’ll be stupidly happy being nerds in med school together. And when you get in I expect you to say ’Nicky told me so’ and wear that shirt.”

Aaron rolled his eyes but Neil noticed how he carefully folded the shirt in his lap.

Andrew opened his next and immediately shoved the bright orange jersey back into the wrapping as best he could and dropped it off to the side of the couch. 

“Aww come on,” Nicky complained. “You’re officially a fan of the Foxes now, there was no way I couldn’t get you a jersey!”

“If we had a fireplace I would burn it,” Andrew stated.

“Neil, open your gift, quick,” Nicky said.

Neil did as asked and pulled out two matching black coats.

“See? Don’t hate me Andrew, the jersey was just a joke.”

Andrew reached over to grab both coats and placed them on the ground with the jersey. Then he threw one of his bags at Nicky and handed Neil the other one to pass over to Aaron.

Aaron passed his gifts out next after flipping through the books Andrew had gotten him and soon the gift giving was over.

Nicky ran to his room to put away his presents then came back to kneel beside the TV and rummage through a collection of DVDs. 

“Neil do you have a preference?” he called out.

“A preference for what?” Neil asked. 

“For a movie. Part three of our Christmas tradition, after hot chocolate and presents, dictates a movie marathon. Last year was Lord of the Rings.”

Neil gave a slight shrug. “I don’t watch many movies.”

Nicky turned to look at him. “Really? None?”

“Well,” Neil started. “Matt made me watch Christmas movies last year. I don’t like those.”

“That narrows it down,” Aaron scoffed from over on the armchair. 

“It’s okay,” Nicky sighed as he sorted through a few more DVDs and held one up. “You’ve seen Harry Potter though, right?”

Neil shook his head.

“Neil,” Nicky groaned. “You haven’t truly lived until you’ve experienced Harry Potter. Even Andrew has read the books.”

Neil looked over to Andrew but he was ignoring them all and staring out the far window, wrapped in the blanket Neil had been using the night before. 

“We’ll just have to start with the first one and see how many we can get through today,” Nicky declared as he put the DVD in. He walked over to the couch but didn’t sit on the ground like yesterday. “Move,” he said.

Neil started to get up, not minding giving up his spot, when Nicky tsked.

“You don’t have to sit on the ground, just scoot over.”

Neil looked to Andrew and when he didn’t acknowledge them, he slid over so he was sitting between him and Nicky. Nicky hit play on the remote and the movie started. 

When Nicky got up to put the second movie in, Neil pulled his knees up to his chest as he debated whether it was worth it to go upstairs to grab one of the sweatshirts he had packed. Andrew tapped his knuckles to Neil’s knee to get his attention. He offered the edge of the blanket and after a moment Neil nodded, pulling it over himself so they could share it. 

At the start of the fourth movie Nicky disappeared into the kitchen. The smells of taco seasoning and Spanish rice soon drifted in and half an hour later Nicky came back with burritos for everyone. By the time they had finished eating and the room had become dark as the sun disappeared, Neil was feeling very sleepy. He told himself it was okay to close his eyes for only a moment and the next thing he knew someone was saying his name.

“Neil,” came Andrew’s voice from close by. 

Neil opened his eyes and was met with the darkness of the room. And a view of Andrew’s neck. He jolted back from where he had fallen asleep with his head on Andrew’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, feeling awkward for falling asleep on Andrew like that. 

“I don’t care,” Andrew replied as he stood up. “Come on.”

Neil followed Andrew as he walked outside, hitting the hallway light switch on the way. 

The neighborhood was quiet, probably exhausted from celebrating the holiday all in their own ways. The only light was that of the moon and the faint glow coming from the window behind them. 

Andrew leaned against the porch railing and pulled out his pack of cigarettes that he always seemed to have on him. He selected two and then grabbed the lighter that he had placed inside the pack. Before Andrew could use it, Neil plucked it out of his fingers before he could second guess himself. 

Andrew turned to look at him, waiting for an explanation. Neil’s hand went to his pocket where he’d stashed his gift for Andrew that morning in case he worked up the courage to give it to him. He told himself it wasn’t a big deal and handed it over to Andrew.

Andrew held the black lighter in his palm and stared at it. It really wasn’t anything special, though still sleeker and more reliable than the cheap gas station lighters Andrew always seemed to have on hand. It had caught Neil’s eye when he’d been shopping for the others and it had reminded him too much of smoking in Andrew’s car for him to pass up.

Andrew flipped it open and lit it, watching the flame burn bright in the cold air around them. He lit both cigarettes with it and passed one to Neil before snapping the lighter shut and shoving it in his pocket. Neil felt his lips tug up at that but he turned his head away so Andrew wouldn’t notice. 

After a few silent moments, Neil spoke up. “Is it your turn or mine?”

“Mine,” Andrew said. Neil didn’t know whether that was true or not but he found he didn’t mind. He trusted Andrew enough now that the prospect of being asked any question he could come up with no longer unnerved him. He knew Andrew wouldn’t push if it was one he had to refuse.

“How did Kevin find out you were good enough to recruit to the Foxes?” Andrew asked.

Neil was surprised Andrew was wasting a turn on this when he could’ve just asked Kevin. “During the first semester of my freshman year, I overheard one of my classmates talking about how one of her friends dropped out of their intramural Exy team last minute. They needed to find someone willing to play as a striker or they’d have to forfeit before the league even started. I-” Neil took a breath of the smoky air as he pondered how much of the truth he wanted to give Andrew on this. He glanced over to see Andrew exhale, smoke trailing from his lips, the light from the window behind them casting his face in shadow but causing his hair to light up gold. Neil cleared his throat and turned away. “I haven’t even told Kevin this, but I’ve played Exy before.” He felt Andrew turn towards him at this admission and knew that he had picked up how this part of the story was very much a secret. His heart was beating so loud at giving away this information, at the faint possibility that Andrew might put his connection to Riko together, or, even worse, Riko would remember the red headed child he’d played with in Exy little leagues years ago, that he was surprised Andrew couldn’t hear it. “I played on a little league team years ago, back when- back before we left. The thought of getting to play again was too much to say no to. I caught up to the girl after class and told her I could fill in until they could find someone better. In the end they couldn’t find someone better and kept me on the team. It wasn’t until the spring semester that Kevin caught wind of it. I later learned that someone on the team was dating a football player and he had come to one of our games. Kevin overheard him in Fox Tower talking about some short striker who played as if there was much more than some pointless intramural scrimmage on the line. Kevin found out when our next game was and showed up to watch. He cornered me after and asked if I had any experience on a real team and when I said no asked if I would every consider it. It took him a while to convince me but eventually I said yes.”

“I’m surprised Kevin hasn’t figured out you’ve played before,” Andrew said.

“I didn’t play as a striker back then,” Neil admitted. “I was a backliner.” The truth of his past felt too close as those words left his mouth. But it’s not like anyone besides possibly Riko could figure out his name from that admission. He didn’t go by Neil Josten when playing on that little league team. He’d been Nathaniel. 

“Your turn,” Andrew said after another minute of silence. 

Neil spun the cigarette between his fingers and watched the thin trail of smoke coming off of it. He’d had this question for Andrew for a while now. “Why did you get sent to juvie?”

The only tell Andrew gave was in how his fingers momentarily stilled from where he was bringing the cigarette to his lips. The stillness didn’t last long and he flicked the stick with his thumb to shake ash off the end.

“Breaking and entering,” he said.

Neil couldn’t help but let confusion color his voice at that. “Breaking and entering? You don’t seem like the type to have gotten caught for something as simple as that.”

“I didn’t,” Andrew said.

“Didn’t what?”

“I didn’t _get_ caught. I let them catch me.” Andrew stubbed his cigarette out on the railing. “There’s a difference between why I got sent to juvie and why I went to juvie. You asked the wrong question.”

Andrew turned abruptly and went inside after that but Neil remained outside for a bit longer. He couldn’t help but wonder if Andrew would have answered him truthfully if he’d asked the “right” question, the one that mattered. He had a feeling this truth was a bigger one than any of the others. 

Neil headed inside when he started to shiver. He had just resigned himself to being cold throughout the night as he didn’t want to bother Andrew so he could get to his duffel upstairs when he noticed the black sweatshirt laying on the couch on top of the blanket. It was the one Andrew had just been wearing. Neil pulled it on and felt instantly warmer. He fell asleep that night to the scent of cigarettes and something else that was distinctly Andrew.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter is being posted so late in the day (at least my time). I had a crazy weekend and haven't had access to my laptop until now. with all the stress this weekend I didn't have any time to write and I also won't have time to write this coming weekend unfortunately. because of this I'm going to skip posting Wednesday and instead post ch. 16 next Sunday so I have more time to edit it and finish writing the last half of ch. 17 that has been giving me a tough time for some reason. thanks for your patience and I think this chapter will make up for it ;) now for what some of you have probably been waiting for...

Andrew stared down at the black lighter in his hand as he sat alone on the front steps of the porch in the dwindling light of the afternoon sun. A cold winter breeze whipped through and he could feel his hair ruffling against his forehead. His mind wandered to the coat Nicky had got him for Christmas, or, he corrected himself, the coats Nicky had got _them_. He should’ve expected nothing less from Nicky. 

He flicked his thumb down on the lighter, causing the small flame to pop into existence. He took his thumb off and then did it again. Again the flame flickered into being. 

Andrew had no idea why Neil bought him a Christmas gift, because he knew that’s what it was even if Neil hadn’t said it. Neil was just a bundle of lies and mixed signals at this point. The lies Andrew was slowly unraveling, exchanging truths and making sense of Neil’s strange past. But the mixed signals? Andrew was at a complete loss in dealing with those. Neil was a problem, and Andrew didn’t like problems that he couldn’t solve. 

He had thought he was starting to understand him, between the talk on the roof and Neil calling him when panicking and then going to the banquet. But then Neil had come to Columbia. Andrew had been seconds away from offering something he wouldn’t have even considered with anyone else, offering for Neil to sleep in his bed with him while he was staying at their house, only for Neil to run out of his room as if his past had finally caught up with him. Well it may not have actually been that bad, but it had felt that bad. Neil had already agreed to share his hotel room with him in New York, so why did the prospect cause him to run away now?

Then of course Neil had to fall asleep on his shoulder and gift him this stupid lighter. Andrew hated him. Hated the way Neil had his mind in tangles and was causing him to second guess himself. Andrew had always been sure of his choices, committed to his actions and didn’t believe in regret, but now he was having to try hard not to overthink. 

The worst thing about it was that he couldn’t even complain to his usual confidantes. Renee thought he really was dating Neil so it wouldn’t make sense to her. And Bee had made it clear that she thought Andrew lying to his family and friend about dating someone wasn’t a good idea. That he shouldn’t have to lie to get them off his back and should be honest with them. Sorry Bee, but it was far too late for that. 

Andrew ignited the lighter once more and lit his cigarette this time. Of course that’s when Kevin finally decided to show up.

Kevin parked his car next to Andrew’s in the driveway and walked up with his suitcase trailing behind him. He stopped in front of Andrew and Andrew didn’t need to look up to imagine the annoyed look he was wearing.

“How many times do I have to tell you those things will kill you one day?” Kevin asked, his distaste for Andrew’s smoking habit evident in his tone. 

“How soon is that day, Day? I’d ask it to hurry up if I could to save me from another one of your boring lectures.”

Kevin huffed. “You better not ruin Neil’s lungs by smoking around him. He actually uses his for something worthwhile.”

Andrew debated enlightening Kevin about Neil’s own odd brand of a smoking habit, but decided against starting that argument. “Speaking of your fellow junkie, I think he’s going out of his mind without anyone to talk Exy to. You should probably go make sure he’s still halfway sane in there.”

Kevin hurried inside after that, most likely eager to sit down and talk strategy with Neil. Christmas had been three days ago and all Neil had done since then was research the teams they would be facing in the spring championships and watch old games. Nicky was nice enough to entertain him sometimes but Andrew had already been forced to watch an Exy game in person by Neil, he wasn’t going to sit there and watch one on a screen for him too. 

Andrew finished his cigarette and flicked the butt onto the ground before heading back inside. Entering the warmth of the house was a relief after the cold December air. He heard voices coming from the kitchen and headed in that direction.

“Oh there you are Andrew,” Nicky said as he entered. “I was just coming to get you. Dinner’s ready!”

Andrew claimed his spot at the table and scooped some food on his plate. He barely registered what he was eating, still wrapped up in his thoughts from earlier. 

Kevin and Neil were busy arguing over who their biggest threat in the first round was while Aaron ate with one hand and typed away on his phone with the other. Katelyn was spending the holidays with her family thankfully but would be meeting them in New York. 

“Andrew,” Nicky said. Andrew looked up from his plate. “Did you throw your cig into the trash after you were done like I asked you to?” Andrew stared blankly back at him. “Really? Is it that hard? Erik doesn’t need to see cigarette butts lying around everywhere when he comes tomorrow!”

Andrew rolled his eyes and made a mental reminder to pick up his next one, not because he cared but because Nicky’s nagging was getting on his nerves. The day after Christmas Nicky had seemed to remember his boyfriend was due to arrive in a few days and had embarked on a crazed cleaning spree, trying to get the house looking acceptable enough for Erik. Andrew was pretty sure Erik would still come visit Nicky if he lived in a complete pig sty so he found it all very unnecessary. 

“What time does Erik get in tomorrow?” Kevin asked. Andrew was surprised he heard Nicky over his argument with Neil. 

“He lands around five and Andrew’s letting me take his car to pick him up. Then we’ll be coming back here and the rest of you need to leave the house. Unless you want to hear-”

“That’s gross, Nicky,” Aaron interrupted. 

“Oh come on Aaron! You know if it was Katelyn coming tomorrow you’d jump at having the house alone too.”

Aaron grew flustered at that and tried to get some denial out before giving up in the face of Nicky’s laughter. Andrew noticed Neil once again giving Aaron an odd look before he flicked his eyes at Andrew and quickly looked away. Again, Neil was so confusing.

After dinner they all retired to the living room. Nicky and Aaron played a video game while Kevin and Neil huddled around a laptop to watch a game. Andrew eventually gave up on all of them and went to his room to read in quiet.

He heard when Nicky’s door downstairs shut and when shortly after Aaron made his way up the stairs and past Andrew’s room. It wasn’t until about twenty minutes later that another pair of feet started walking up the stairs and stopped outside Andrew’s room. 

There was a soft knock on his door and Andrew called out for Neil to come in without looking up from his book. Neil quietly padded into the room and grabbed some clothes out of his duffel before disappearing again. Andrew heard the shower cut on down the hall and did not think about Neil undressing. 

Andrew had gotten through a few more pages by the time the water cut off and Neil came back to dump his dirty clothes into his duffel. Andrew stared at his back as he knelt to rearrange his bag. His shirt clung to his still slightly damp skin and a bead of water rolled down the back of his neck. Andrew swallowed and then forced himself to say the words before he talked himself out of it. 

“You can sleep in here if you want.”

Neil stilled for a moment before going back to moving his clothes around, though it looked like he was fussing with things more than that actually rearranging them. 

“Um are you sure? Because I can-”

“Kevin always sleeps on the couch,” Andrew cut in. “And he snores. Good luck getting any sleep if you choose the armchair.”

Neil zipped up his bag and stood before turning to face Andrew. 

“All right,” he said quietly, looking unsure of himself.

Andrew felt a pang at that. “You can say no, Neil. If you don’t want-”

“No, I do want to- I mean I’m fine with it. I’ve just been worried that you wouldn’t be comfortable with it.”

Andrew watched as Neil wrung his hands in front of him. That’s why Neil had awkwardly ran out that first night? Because he was worried Andrew was going to let him sleep here without actually being okay with it?

“If I wasn’t comfortable with it I would never offer it,” Andrew said. 

Neil met his gaze and after a few moments finally nodded. “Where would you like me?” he asked while gesturing to the bed. 

Andrew moved so his back was against the wall and lifted up the edge of the covers. Neil hesitated only for a second before slipping underneath and settling down facing Andrew. 

“Get the light,” Andrew whispered into the space between them. 

Neil reached back to hit the lamp switch on the nightstand and darkness flooded the room. It took a minute for Andrew’s eyes to adjust but soon he could clearly make out Neil staring right back at him. The moonlight filtered in through the window beside the bed and caught on Neil’s features, illuminating the angles of his face and his scars. Andrew had seen Neil flinch away from his scars and shrink when people mentioned them, but personally he couldn’t fathom it. Neil’s scars were so much a part of him, as much as his long lashes and startling blue eyes. They made him _Neil_ , and Andrew wouldn’t want him any other way. 

“Good night, Andrew,” Neil whispered, voice barely audible even in the silent room. 

Andrew gave only a slight incline of his head back, but Neil seemed to notice as the edge of his lips twitched and he closed his eyes. Eventually Neil’s breathing evened out and Andrew knew he was asleep.

Andrew wasn’t stupid enough to think he was going to sleep perfectly tonight; having another weight in bed with him was just too unfamiliar for that to happen yet. But after some time spent tracing Neil’s face with his eyes, memorizing every line and curve and angle and scar, Andrew felt content enough to drift off. He woke up a few times as he knew he would, but he never lashed out. He only had to open his eyes and see the moonlight highlighting Neil’s scars or red hair to remember where he was and who he was with. It wasn’t the best night’s sleep he’d ever had, but when the faint blip of adrenaline quickly faded away every time he suddenly woke, he couldn’t deny that the jolt that remained was solely from having Neil so close.

* * *

The next time Andrew woke up, it was to the morning sunlight coming through his window and Neil staring back at him. Neil’s eyes were still hooded with sleep but when he saw Andrew was awake he mumbled a good morning before yawning. 

Andrew sat up and climbed over Neil to get out of bed and go shower. When he came back a few minutes later Neil was gone, probably downstairs searching for breakfast. 

Andrew laid back on his bed and stretched out. That had gone better than he’d thought. Sure, he’d told Neil he was comfortable with it, because he was, it wasn’t a lie. But Andrew couldn’t always predict how his mind would react or when it would decide he needed a night of recurring nightmares. He was a bit surprised it hadn’t turned on him for once. He knew that was bad thinking, that Bee would tell him to trust himself more, but it was hard to always keep that in mind. 

Footsteps padded quietly on the stairs and then Andrew’s door was pushed open. He sat up as Neil reentered the room carrying two mugs. He passed both to Andrew as he settled back on the bed then grabbed his back.

Andrew looked critically at his, trying to figure out if Neil had added any sugar or not. 

“I dumped half the sugar jar in there,” Neil said as he leaned back against the pillows and rolled his eyes. “I think it’ll be fine.”

Andrew took a sip and found that Neil was telling the truth. He turned and leaned against the wall so he was facing Neil. They sipped their coffees in silence. 

Neil’s eyes wandered over to the book on the nightstand. “You like to read? Nicky mentioned something about it the other day too.”

Andrew nodded. “When I have time. You don’t?”

“It’s not that I don’t,” Neil said as he took another sip. “I just never really had time before. And now I’m always too busy with Exy.”

“I imagine someone who’s traveled as much and seen as much as the world as you would have experienced better adventures than those in most books.”

“Yeah, maybe. Not sure if I’d say better though,” Neil frowned into his mug.

Life on the run from his father wasn’t so glamorous, even in Europe then was it? Andrew might have been right with his theory about Neil’s father being dangerous enough that he had to escape across the ocean, that his influence might have been powerful enough that even then he’d been mostly running and hiding. For all Andrew knew he could be totally off base with what he was putting together of Neil’s past. But somehow he doubted it. The person in front of him staring down into his mug, eyes distant in that way that indicated he wasn’t really thinking about the present, didn’t speak to having any form of an easy childhood. Having been on the run and fearful for his life since a young age explained so much more. But who was Neil’s father? Neil had admitted both his parents were dead, so how had that happened?

Andrew reached out with his foot and nudged Neil’s ankle, snapping him out of his memories. Neil looked up and gave him a small, grateful smile that did not make Andrew’s heart beat faster.

Eventually they had to leave the quiet confines of Andrew’s room and face the others downstairs. Once they were in the kitchen, Neil made a beeline for the smoothies Kevin was making, obviously happy to eat something besides sugar for breakfast for once. Andrew found the sight disgusting and left the room. 

They hung around the house and in time Nicky had to leave to pick up Erik. It was about six in the evening by the time they made it back.

As soon as the front door opened Andrew could hear Nicky’s nonstop chattering as he caught Erik up on everything and anything. They appeared in the living room doorway and Erik dropped his bag.

“Everyone’s favorite German is back!” Nicky exclaimed, his smile impossibly wide. His excitement at having Erik here was radiating off of him.

Aaron stood up to go greet Erik, along with Kevin who had met him before. Andrew gave him a nod that was returned. 

“Neil, come meet Erik,” Nicky said as he came over to pry Neil off the couch.

Neil slowly got up and followed him over. Erik held out his hand and Neil hesitated briefly before shaking it. Someone wasn’t very comfortable with a stranger in their house, but Andrew wasn’t really surprised. 

Andrew noticed when after greeting Neil, Erik’s eyes flicked over to him. Nicky had informed Erik of why Neil was here apparently. 

“All right, well Erik is pretty tired from the plane flight so we’re going to lay down for a bit,” Nicky said.

“Jesus Nicky, give us a minute will you?” Aaron said as he left the room, probably to grab his wallet so they could leave. 

Nicky laughed and Erik gave him a pained look. “Thanks for being subtle Nicky.”

Nicky patted his arm as he reached down to grab Erik’s bag. “Oh don’t worry, I told them yesterday they needed to leave when we got home.”

The pair left for Nicky’s room and Neil disappeared upstairs. Andrew already had everything he needed to head out so once Aaron and Neil returned, they headed outside. Andrew noticed Neil had put on the sweatshirt he’d left him on Christmas night and he quickly forced himself to look away.

Kevin claimed the passenger seat in the car leaving Neil and Aaron stuck in the back, and Andrew drove them to the diner they had agreed on earlier.

The place wasn’t too packed so the waitress gestured at them to seat themselves in any booth. Andrew picked one, sliding in first so he was closest to the window, while Neil sat next to him. Kevin and Aaron took the opposite bench and Aaron grabbed the stack of menus to hand out. There were only three so Andrew placed one between him and Neil so they could both lean over to look at it. 

Andrew quickly decided on pancakes from the all day breakfast menu and watched as Neil looked through the options, his elbow on the table and cheek cupped in his hand. The posture was mostly insignificant, except that when the waitress arrived a minute later and stood right at the edge of table, Neil recoiled to lean away from her towards Andrew and took his hand away. The movement caught the waitress’ eye and directed her attention right to Neil’s burn scarred cheek.

Andrew saw it right as Neil did, that quick flash of aversion in her eyes before her expression changed to one of pity. 

“Oh honey,” she said, concern smothering her tone. “That looks painful.”

The table was filled with awkward silence.

“Yeah, it was,” Neil ground out as he kept his focus on the menu, voice rough. 

Kevin grimaced at that and Aaron even flinched a bit at his tone. 

Before the lady could offer any more of her inappropriate condolences, Andrew cut in, rattling off his order of pancakes and also adding a chocolate milkshake. It took a few seconds before she started writing his order down, but Aaron jumped in right after and ordered too. After Kevin it was Neil’s turn but he just pushed the menu away. 

“I’m not hungry,” he muttered. 

Kevin ignored Neil and ordered for him. The waitress said she’d be right back with their drinks and left. 

Neil sunk down on the bench, pulled his - well, Andrew’s - hood up and crossed his arms over his chest. Andrew didn’t think Neil would appreciate it if he told him to stop trying to hide right now so he kept his mouth shut. But he did move his leg slightly so their knees touched. Neil didn’t pull away. 

The waitress dropped off their drinks and Andrew sipped his milkshake as Kevin started talking about their plans for New York. They’d be flying in Wednesday and meeting up with Thea, and while there Kevin was taking the chance to meet in person with the management of the New York Hawks. That left the rest of them to entertain themselves on Thursday, but Andrew had already talked to Renee about meeting up that day. Friday they were to meet up with the other Foxes so Kevin’s vice captain Kylee could go to lunch with Thea. 

Their food came out a few minutes later and they ate in silence. Neil barely touched his, only took a few bites then gave up. It made Andrew angry to see how in a matter of seconds Neil could go from bright and alive to so closed off and shut down. People were idiots. 

Kevin thankfully didn’t chide Neil for not eating what he’d ordered him but he did ask for a box in case someone wanted to finish it later. They threw some money down on the table and left soon after. 

Andrew didn’t drive them home right away. Instead, he headed to the store so they could stock up on more alcohol, ice cream, and whatever else the others wanted. They lingered in the store long enough that it was completely dark by the time the car pulled up in the driveway.

Nicky and Erik were sitting on the couch when they made it inside.

“There you guys are!” Nicky said. “We’ve been waiting for you to start a movie. What do you wanna watch?”

Andrew thought Aaron answered but he ignored them as he and Neil carried the grocery bags to the kitchen. Once everything was put away, they stepped back into the hall. Neil went to move in the direction of the living room but Andrew tugged his sleeve and headed upstairs. He heard Neil follow and shut the door behind him once they were in Andrew’s room.

Andrew grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lighter off his desk and handed them to Neil. Then he went over to his window and easily popped off the screen. He set it down on the floor and climbed out onto the roof. As he got himself settled Neil sat down beside him and started to light two cigarettes.

Andrew was gazing out at the quiet neighborhood when Neil handed a cigarette over. He took it and tried not to think about how Neil’s lips had just been on it. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Neil in the faint light, knees pulled slightly up against the tilt of the roof, arms braced on them, hands cupped around his cigarette, eyes closed, leaning forward to take comfort in the smell. He looked so small in that moment, as if something had sucked a vital piece out of him earlier. It made Andrew want to resurrect every demon from Neil’s past and put them back in their graves again. No one should be allowed to diminish Neil like this. 

He let smoke fall out of his mouth, watching as the slight breeze floated it away, before he let his words fall from his lips too. “Neil,” he began, “your scars are nothing to be ashamed of.”

Neil was quiet for a minute before he stubbed out his cigarette and tossed it aside, the movements jerky. He pulled his hood further over his face. “I hate them,” he gritted out. “I hate that I’m alive and they’re dead but all it takes is someone mentioning the marks they left on me for it to be like they never left.”

Something tugged in Andrew at those words. He understood exactly what Neil was feeling, how some days even though you knew the past was behind you, that those monsters were defeated and could no longer touch you, memories would resurface and it would feel as if you didn’t win after all, that you were still drowning under the weight of it all. He hated that someone he cared about knew that pain too. 

“That pain… it may never go away fully. But it gets more dull, more rare as time goes on. It takes time to heal, Neil.”

“Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t apply to these,” he gestured at himself. “These won’t fade. They’ll always be ugly reminders of how worthless they thought I was. Every single one of them.”

Andrew knew Neil wasn’t talking about just the scars on his face. “They aren’t ugly.”

Neil gave a humorless laugh and finally looked over at him. “Don’t lie to me Andrew. Not you.”

“I’m not. Do you doubt me?”

“Yes.”

“Then show me.”

Neil froze.

“Show me,” Andrew repeated, eyes locked on Neil’s. “All of them. And I’ll show you mine.”

Neil’s eyes moved to Andrew’s forearms and he could see the curiosity lingering in his gaze. For a moment Andrew thought it wouldn’t be enough, that Neil would refuse and leave the roof and leave entirely. But then Neil seemed to come to a decision and nodded. 

Andrew got up and climbed back through the window. Neil followed him and swung his legs inside, but Andrew stepped forward so Neil remained where he was, seated on the windowsill. Andrew reached up and tugged Neil’s hood down so his face was no longer hidden.

They stayed like that for a minute, gazes locked, before Neil took a deep breath and pulled Andrew’s sweatshirt off, then the shirt underneath it off. 

Andrew was greeted with the view of Neil’s scarred torso. He had to clamp down on his anger quickly before he let any of it leak into his expression. He knew if he made one false move Neil would retreat and never be this open with him again. 

His let his eyes wander, taking in the numerous scars scattered across him. He reached out his hand but stopped halfway between them. “Yes or no, Neil?”

“Yes,” Neil said, voice barely above a whisper, his eyes still on Andrew’s face.

Andrew let his fingers first brush against a burn scar in the shape of a hot iron on Neil’s shoulder. He went to move them but stopped when Neil spoke.

“He thought I was fidgeting too much when the cops were at the house. He grabbed the first thing in sight when they left.”

Andrew hadn’t expected Neil to offer him any explanations, but he would listen. He moved over to a small circle beneath his collarbone.

“Bullet. Courtesy of one of his men while he were on the run.”

He trailed his fingers along the scar that ran down his entire chest, shoulder to waist. 

“Jumped out of a moving car.”

Andrew moved from scar to scar and Neil gave him snippets of the truth, some he elaborated on while some he remained silent over. Finally, Andrew reached up to cup Neil’s face and brushed his thumb against the burn scars on his left cheekbone.

“Dashboard lighter,” Neil whispered, and Andrew watched his throat bob as he swallowed. 

Andrew took his hand away and looked down at his own arms. Neil had just given him so much, had trusted him with so much, that even though the idea of anyone else seeing his scars unnerved him, he knew he trusted Neil with them. 

He pushed up his sleeves to reveal the armbands underneath and held out his arms to Neil.

“You sure?” Neil asked.

Andrew nodded and Neil reached first for his right armband, gently gripping the edges and sliding it off without touching Andrew’s skin. 

He saw when Neil stilled as the band gave way to his scarred skin underneath. Valleys and ridges of lines ran up and down his forearms. Neil carefully placed the armband on the windowsill beside him and took off the other one. 

With both out of the way, Neil stared at the ruined expanse of skin before him, eyes slowly trailing over it. His fingers twitched but he didn’t move his hands.

“You can touch, if you want,” Andrew offered.

Neil met his eyes as if searching them for proof Andrew was really okay with that. Andrew’s gaze was steady and Neil eventually took his offer as genuine. He reached out his hand and gently placed his fingers at the crook of Andrew’s left elbow. He waited for a moment, as if expecting Andrew to pull back, before he slowly trailed his fingers up to Andrew’s wrist. Andrew felt a shiver at the sensation, but he was surprised to find it wasn’t a shiver of revulsion at someone touching his scars; it was a shiver at the feel of Neil’s slightly warm fingers touching his skin, a feeling he didn’t mind at all. 

Neil lowered his hands back to his lap and Andrew lowered his arms to his sides. They stared at each other in silence and it felt to Andrew like that moment on the roof, like the air around them was charged and it would only take one false move for everything to come tumbling down around them. Neil’s eyes flicked down to his lips and back up and Andrew couldn’t hold back his question.

“Neil, what are you thinking right now?” he asked.

Neil swallowed and directed his eyes away, not meeting Andrew’s. “I- I’m not sure I want to say it out loud.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t understand it. Because I don’t understand _this_.”

“Neil,” he said, the weight he used on the word causing Neil to look back up and meet his eyes again.

“I’m wondering what it would be like to kiss you.” Neil’s eyes widened after he said it, as if he hadn’t expected the words to actually leave his mouth. He held himself still, as if waiting for Andrew to laugh at him or reject him or walk away.

Instead, Andrew glanced over at his armbands sitting on the windowsill. Part of him wanted to put them back on, not knowing if he could get this close to someone without some form of defense. The other part of him looked back to Neil’s scarred torso, still on display and riddled with so many painful memories. Covering either of their scars now would be putting up a wall, and this wouldn’t work with a wall between them. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked.

“Yes,” Neil answered.

Andrew reached out slowly and placed one hand lightly on top of Neil’s where they were folded in his lap, just to reassure himself even though he trusted Neil not to touch him without asking first. He brought his right hand up to cup Neil’s cheek. Then he leaned forward to brush his lips against Neil’s. He felt a slight shiver run through him at the contact and pressed forward a bit more and it was like opening the floodgates. He took an involuntarily step closer, standing between Neil’s legs as the kiss deepened, and moved his hand away from Neil’s to rest on his chest, the feel of his scars helping to anchor him in the moment. Neil’s lips were soft underneath his as Neil followed his lead. He licked into his mouth, shivering from the small sound Neil let escape. Neil was obviously inexperienced when it came to kissing, but Andrew was too caught up in the fact that he was actually getting to kiss him to mind. 

Neil still had his hands in his lap when Andrew pulled slightly away. He bit down on Neil’s bottom lip like he’d imagined doing so many times and grabbed Neil’s wrists to bring them up to his head. 

“Just my hair,” he whispered into the small space between them.

Neil managed a slight nod and Andrew brought their lips back together. He felt Neil’s hands bury in his hair, touch light and not too firm. Andrew finally let himself do another thing he had imagined and threaded his fingers through Neil’s hair.

It felt like they kissed for an eternity, like Andrew should open his eyes and see the sunrise coming out. He was completely overwhelmed by Neil, by the feel of his skin and his soft hair and his warm tongue against his and his lips and the small breezy sounds he was letting out. Andrew’s skin was buzzing and he felt light-headed when he finally pulled back and rested his forehead against Neil’s for a moment, trying to steady his breath. This was dangerous. For the past few days Neil had caused his mind to be in tangles but with one kiss it was like he pulled a thread, all of Andrew’s walls had come down and left him scattered. 

He attempted to compose himself and took a step back. Neil’s eyes opened, the sight of blue eyes and kiss-swollen lips greeting him. This was _dangerous_. 

Andrew swallowed as he stared at Neil, feeling overwhelmed with the sight of him. Part of him wanted to kiss him again, wanted to keep kissing him all night. The other part of him couldn’t handle this much at once, couldn’t handle Neil in front of him and causing him to feel so much.

“Andrew, what are you thinking right now?” Neil asked after a few silent moments.

Andrew took a breath and tried to organize a response. “I need to sleep alone tonight.”

Neil didn’t seem to take this the wrong way, as if it was a slight against him. He must understand him better than Andrew had expected he did. Neil just nodded and leaned down to grab Andrew’s sweatshirt and slip it back on. He handed Andrew back his armbands and watched as he slid them back over his scarred forearms. 

Neil got up and walked around Andrew, careful as always not to touch. He made it to the end of Andrew’s bed before Andrew called out his name.

“Neil,” he said, having this confusing need to ensure him and maybe himself that Neil leaving right now didn’t mean he was _leaving_. “Good night.”

Neil flashed him a small smile and reached out to snag the blanket on top of Andrew’s bed. “Good night,” he whispered. Before Andrew could say anything, he slipped out the door. 

Andrew made himself pop the screen back in and close the window. He pulled back the covers and got in bed but couldn’t fall asleep. His heart was still beating too loud and there was still too much buzzing in his head. He ended up back on the roof, alone this time, for another cigarette before he felt calm enough to come back inside and attempt sleep. Neil had asked for that kiss, had been the one to bring it up, but what did that mean? Was Neil just curious and using Andrew as a test or was this something more? Andrew knew he had to be honest with himself and accept that it was the first. Neil had never swung, had never cared for anyone like that, and now he was pretending to be someone’s fake date and had the perfect opportunity to experiment with his curiosity. No one would actually fall for Andrew. No, only Andrew did the falling and crashing.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all your wonderful comments on the last chapter and thanks as always to Kit for the beta!

Neil laid back on the reclined armchair with the blanket he had stolen from Andrew pulled up to his chin, watching the faint morning light filter through the blinds and cast lines across the ceiling as Kevin snored on from the couch a few feet away. He had barely slept all night, his mind buzzing too much to manage to shut down for more than a few hours. 

Not only had he willingly shown someone his scars for the first time, but it had been the first time he had kissed someone and actually _enjoyed_ it. He’d been speaking the truth when he told Andrew he didn’t understand what he was feeling, that he didn’t understand whatever was going on between them. Neil had never felt like this around anyone, like he wanted nothing more than to be in Andrew’s presence and look at him and just be near him. He had told Andrew before he felt safe around him, but this was something more. 

Andrew had shown Neil his scars, had looked at Neil’s without any disgust or pity or judgement, and Neil couldn’t push away that feeling of being known, of being seen for who he really was. In that moment Neil could only think about how much trust he had placed in Andrew and how tight his chest was feeling and how close he desired to be to him. So when Andrew had asked what he was thinking he had told the truth, even if he didn’t quite understand why he was suddenly contemplating kissing Andrew when he had never really cared for it the few times he had tried before. He had definitely cared for it this time though.

He brought his fingers up and lightly touched his lips again. He could still feel the ghost of Andrew’s lingering there. 

Kevin shifted on the couch and slowly sat up, stretching his arms over his head as he yawned. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times when he noticed Neil.

“What are you doing down here?” he mumbled through another yawn. 

Neil looked away. “I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to keep Andrew up,” he lied. 

Kevin nodded and flopped back down onto the couch. “If you get me coffee I’ll take you to Exites today.”

Neil perked up at that and quickly made his way to the kitchen, both to distract himself and because he’d never been to Exites before. He came to a quick halt when he found Aaron already at the counter waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. 

“Good morning,” Aaron said as he looked Neil up and down.

Neil started to fidget under Aaron’s gaze then forced himself to put his hands in the pocket of Andrew’s sweatshirt he was still wearing.

“So you managed to pass chemistry after all,” Aaron commented dryly.

“Andrew was a good teacher,” Neil replied.

“If you say so,” Aaron said. He turned to pour coffee into his mug but didn’t move out of the way, instead turning back to face Neil as he blew over the top of his drink. “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating my twin?”

“Why would I? You were my tutor, not my gossip buddy.”

Aaron chewed on the inside of his cheek as he kept looking at Neil. “How did you even meet Andrew?”

Neil hoped Aaron hadn’t asked Andrew the same question or that Andrew hadn’t answered since they hadn’t come up with a story for this. “I had a question for Kevin about our upcoming game with the Jackals and when he didn’t answer his phone I showed up at Fox Tower to talk with him,” Neil lied easily. “He wasn’t there but Andrew answered the door. He told me I could wait until Kevin got back from lunch with Coach. We talked a bit and…” Neil trailed off with a shrug, hoping that was enough for Aaron.

Aaron stared at him for another minute over the top of his mug before pushing off from the counter and heading out of the room. He stopped next to Neil and said, “You better not fuck this up,” before continuing on his way. 

Neil swallowed. Great, another person to hate him once the wedding was over and Andrew had no more use for him. 

He ignored the odd feeling clawing in his chest and went to pour coffee for both him and Kevin. He considered bringing Andrew one but he wasn’t sure where they stood after last night and was too nervous to see him. 

He handed Kevin his coffee and curled back up in the armchair with his mug and his thoughts. Why had Andrew kissed him? Did he only do it because Neil admitted to thinking about it or had Andrew been thinking about it too? Did it mean anything to him like it may to Neil or did Andrew still only see him as a someone he was pretending to date and care about? Would he kiss him again?

Kevin turned on the TV to find the sports station and they listened as the anchors discussed the upcoming NCAA championships. Neil was still getting used to the fact that people knew his name and were interested in his stats and how his team would do. It made him nervous thinking about it but he forced himself to listen and discuss with Kevin if they agreed with the anchors’ predictions going forward into the playoffs. 

Eventually the others started waking up and walking around the house. Nicky came in to announce that he and Erik were going out for the day and asked Kevin to borrow his car. Kevin said no at first before looking at Neil and then agreeing. When Neil asked, Kevin said Neil could convince Andrew to give them a ride to Exites. Neil deflated a little over the unlikelihood of being able to go now but didn’t say anything. Aaron sat with them for a bit before retreating to his room to talk with Katelyn. Andrew was the last to show up and sat down on the couch with his coffee and didn’t spare Neil a look.

Neil could feel Kevin’s eyes on him, no doubt begging him to ask Andrew about Exites, but Neil pointedly didn’t acknowledge him and kept his gaze firmly on the TV. After about ten minutes of this Kevin shut the TV off to get his point across. 

Neil closed his eyes briefly and swallowed the choice words he had for Kevin.

“Andrew,” he started, opening his eyes and fixing them on the empty mug he still held. He was met with silence but continued on anyways. “Can you drive Kevin and I to Exites?”

More silence. Neil finally risked a glance over to Andrew to find him glaring at Kevin, who was staring back at him with that superior look on his face as if daring Andrew to refuse. Andrew stood up with a huff as he walked away. “Whatever.”

“Why do you look so smug?” Neil asked once Andrew was gone.

Kevin turned that smirk on Neil. “He can’t say no to you.”

For some reason that rubbed Neil wrong and he got up to leave too. “Yes he can,” he said as he walked by Kevin. Andrew could say no to him. Right? He wouldn’t have kissed him last night if he hadn’t wanted to. At least Neil hoped Andrew had wanted to kiss him as much as he had wanted to kiss Andrew. 

Neil walked up the stairs and heard Andrew in the bathroom so he grabbed clothes out of his duffel and started to change. He was just pulling a shirt over his head when he heard the door swing open behind him and he jumped.

“Sorry,” Andrew said, and Neil turned to see him start to back out of the room.

“It’s okay,” Neil said as he finished pulling the shirt on. “Nothing you haven’t seen now.”

Andrew stared at him in silence for a moment before nodding and fetching his keys off his desk. “Come on,” he said.

Neil followed Andrew downstairs to collect Kevin and quickly hopped in the passenger seat before Kevin could beat him to it. Kevin seemed annoyed at being relegated to the backseat but Neil thought he deserved it for making him be the one to ask Andrew for the ride.

When they arrived at Exites, they all got out and started walking towards the store. Neil turned back at the sound of a lighter to see Andrew sitting on the hood of his car and lighting up his cigarette. 

“You aren’t coming in?” Neil asked.

Andrew shook his head.

“All right. I’ll make sure we don’t take too long then,” Neil said. 

Andrew met his gaze but Neil found him unreadable. He wanted to say something, ask what he was thinking now and what he honestly thought about last night, but his throat clamped tight around the words and he quickly turned away and jogged towards where Kevin was already halfway across the parking lot. Neil thought he had mastered his expression back to neutral but the look Kevin gave him said otherwise.

They entered the store and Neil was thankful for the distraction of… well, really anything Exy-related imaginable. There were jerseys and uniforms and Exy posters and other gear laid out on the first floor. Kevin ignored it all, including the cashier who did a double take when they walked by, mouth falling open at the sight of Kevin Day, and headed straight to the stairs to take them up to the floor that held a variety of racquets. Kevin walked down the long aisle, trailing his fingers over the racquets as they passed and causing them to swing from where they were hung on the wall. He stopped once he got to the section of heavy racquets. 

“We both already play with heavy racquets,” Neil said. “Why are we here?”

Kevin nodded towards the racquets on the far end. “Those are the newest model. Just released a month ago. I’m contemplating switching to it.”

“Right before championships? Is that smart?”

Kevin huffed at Neil’s misunderstanding. “No. I wouldn’t switch until after championships. I would start using it in the pros. I need to up my game with the change to the pro level.”

Neil scoffed at that as he reached forward to run his fingers along a racquet. “Up your game? You’re already better than most pro strikers. No doubt within a year or two of playing on that level you’ll be on top of all the stats.”

“Yes, but not everyone believes that yet. I’ll still be entering as a rookie, even if I’m a well known one, and will have to prove myself.”

“Who doesn’t believe? Riko?” Neil asked, voice dripping with disgust as he said the name. “He knows nothing if he thinks he’ll ever be as good a player as you.”

Kevin turned to him, an odd look in his eyes. He stared at Neil for a couple seconds before turning back and grabbing two racquets off the wall, handing one to Neil. “Thanks,” he mumbled quietly as he headed to find an employee to open the practice court for him. Kevin didn’t need to thank him; it was the truth. 

Neil watched Kevin practice with one of the racquets for a while until he came out and gestured for Neil to take a turn. He jumped at the chance, missing being out on any type of court over the past week. The racquet Kevin had picked out for him felt slightly unwieldy in his hands but he could see the advantage it could give if mastered: a bit more power to his shots and passes.

“You should go for it,” he told Kevin once he stepped out of the practice court and handed the racquet to the waiting employee. Kevin nodded in agreement and thanked to the man who had opened the court for them. 

They left the racquet floor after that and slowly made their way through the rest of the store, Kevin considering a new pair of court shoes while Neil admired all the other equipment on sale.

Kevin was sitting on a bench to pull the shoes on when he looked over at Neil. “What’s going on with you and Andrew?”

“What?” Neil asked, though he spoke too quickly and it didn’t come out as casual as he intended.

Kevin rolled his eyes. “You’re not subtle. You’ve barely met each other’s eyes today but are both sneaking glances when you think the other isn’t looking. What happened?”

Neil could admit maybe he had been sneaking glances, but Andrew? Kevin must be seeing things. 

“Nothing happened,” Neil said, maybe a bit too forcefully.

“Neil,” Kevin said as he stared down at the shoes he was trying on. “I’m only asking because I’m friends with both of you. You don’t have to tell me but I’m…” he tapped nervously on the laces, “I’m here if you do want to talk.”

Neil looked at Kevin and thought about how much it meant that he’d actually offered that. He hadn’t realized Kevin cared that much about him, not just Andrew. 

He shoved his hands into his pockets and focused on the ground by his feet in an attempt to ignore his nerves. “We kissed last night,” he admitted.

Kevin was silent for a few moments. “Okay? You are dating. Was that the first time?”

Neil felt himself flush, knowing talking about this to Kevin was stupid because he couldn’t really explain it truthfully. “Well yeah but- I mean no? We’ve been taking this slow because this is really new for me but I guess I’m just confused.” Neil fought not to cringe at the jumble of lies and half truths that spilled out of his mouth.

Kevin took a moment to make sense of his words as he tugged off the shoes and put his own back on. “What are you confused about? Do you like Andrew?”

Neil felt his throat dry up as he faced the question head on. What scared him was that the answer was easy to come by. “I- I think I do,” he said quietly, heart jumping at the confession. This was supposed to be fake, the deal had been that this was fake, when had it changed?

“Okay,” Kevin continued calmly. When had Kevin become the calm one in the face of emotions? “Are you confused over how Andrew feels?”

Neil nodded.

Kevin hummed as he thought. “I’m not going to talk about Andrew’s past, because that’s his own story to tell you, but I’m assuming you know at least parts of it. This may be new to you, but it’s also new for him. He’s had hook ups and short things but he’s never brought anyone home. Not like he has with you. That means something, even if he hasn’t acknowledged it yet.”

Neil nodded as he tried to reconcile this information with the deal they had between them. Kevin may have been right if Neil wasn’t only here because Andrew had needed someone to pretend to date to keep his family from pestering him about it. This couldn’t actually mean something more to him, could it?

Neil was quiet as he followed Kevin to the register so he could pay for the shoes then out to the car. He could feel Andrew looking at him as they walked over but Neil avoided his gaze and got into the backseat.

“Eden’s tonight?” Kevin asked Andrew when they were back on the road.

Neil watched Andrew’s eyes flick to him in the rear view mirror and glanced away.

“Yes,” Andrew replied.

A few hours later when Neil was back sitting on the couch listening to Kevin discuss their upcoming game against the University of Texas Longhorns, Nicky walked in and dropped a bag on his lap.

Neil looked up at Nicky in confusion. “What’s this?”

“Clothes for tonight,” Nicky said with a sly smile. “Andrew told me to pick them out for you.”

“Okay,” Neil said, frowning down into the bag. Why did he need new clothes for tonight?

“We’ll probably be leaving soon. You two better get ready.”

Kevin didn’t need to be told twice and made his way to the downstairs bathroom to get dressed. Neil sighed and took the bag to the bathroom upstairs.

Once he was in with the door locked, he took out the clothes: black skinny jeans and a long sleeved black shirt that looked tighter than the loose clothes he usually preferred to wear. He quickly pulled them on and ran his hands down his front. The shirt was thin but not tight enough that his raised scars could be seen at least. He left the bathroom and knocked on Andrew’s door, not entering until he heard Andrew say he could come in.

Andrew was sitting on his bed and lacing up a pair of boots. He was also dressed all in black as usual, with a tight short sleeved shirt and his armbands clearly on display. 

Neil turned away to stuff his clothes in his duffel. When he left the room he noticed Andrew’s hands were still holding his laces. 

Soon enough everyone was dressed and ready to go. They had to squish into the car for everyone to fit and Neil was not happy with the way Aaron was crushed against his side as Nicky sat on Erik’s lap in the backseat. He was thankful when they finally pulled up to Sweetie’s and practically fell out of his door in his haste to escape the close quarters. When he straightened up he found Andrew staring at him with a brow raised as if asking what the hurry was. Neil looked away, feeling too confused to come up with anything to say. 

They didn’t spend a long time at Sweetie’s, just enough time for everyone to wolf down their food and ice cream before they were back to cramming into Andrew’s car. Andrew pulled up in front of Eden’s Twilight a few minutes later to drop them off. He pulled away to go park and Neil watched as the bouncers greeted Nicky and Aaron and ushered their group inside ahead of the line. 

The loud music, dim lights, and crowded floor quickly put Neil on edge. He kept close to Kevin as they made their way through the crowd and discreetly looked around to clock the exits out of habit. 

Nicky cheered when he somehow managed to find an empty table big enough for the six of them. “Kevin and Neil, do you want to go get the drinks while we hold the table?”

“Sure,” Kevin said and started off towards the bar, Neil following closely behind.

Kevin waited until someone moved away from the bar with their drinks and quickly stole their place, reaching back to tug Neil forward with him. Both bartenders seemed busy and they waited in silence for either of them to make their way down the bar towards them. 

Neil felt a hand lightly brush against his back and nearly jumped until he saw it was Andrew sliding in next to him. Andrew didn’t look at him, just took his hand away after another moment and gave a quick wave to get one of the bartenders’ attentions.

The man’s face lit up with recognition and he came over.

“Long time no see,” the man said to Andrew. “I thought you guys had forgot about us with how long it’s been since you’ve last shown up.”

“Sorry Roland. Too busy with Exy and finals,” Kevin said with a wave of his hand. 

Neil glanced over to Andrew at that name. This must be the Roland Andrew had said he used to have a thing with and whose boyfriend had triggered this whole mess. 

“It’s all good. I’m glad you’re all here now,” Roland smiled before looking at Neil. “Now who’s going to introduce me to the handsome new guy?”

Neil turned his focus to the bar beneath his hands in a weak attempt at escaping Roland’s attention.

“This is Neil,” was all Andrew said. 

“Andrew’s boyfriend,” Kevin added when Andrew didn’t clarify.

“Oh!” Roland said, surprise coloring his voice. “It’s nice to meet you, Neil.”

Neil made himself look up. “Um, it’s nice to meet you too.”

Roland nodded and turned to start making drinks, though Neil noticed none of them had actually ordered any. He felt Andrew’s gaze burning a hole in the side of his head and looked over.

“What?” he asked.

Andrew stared at him in silence for a few moments. “You’ve been acting like a little rabbit all day. Is something wrong?”

“I’m fine,” Neil answered reflexively. 

Andrew didn’t look like he even came close to buying it.

Roland had a huge tray of drinks prepared for them a few minutes later and set it on the bar in front of them.

“Just a soda for this one,” Andrew said, nodding in Neil’s direction. 

Roland grabbed a can and added it to the tray.

Andrew picked up the tray and expertly carried it through the crowds with Kevin clearing a path in front of him and Neil at his back. Neil wondered at how he didn’t even spill a drop until he recalled Andrew mentioning he had worked here for a time when they used to live in Columbia.

By the time Neil sat down, Nicky and Aaron had already grabbed their drinks and started in. Kevin was quick to follow while Erik and Andrew both joined in at a much slower rate. Neil grabbed his soda and took a small sip. The club was hot with all the packed bodies and the cold drink felt nice.

After downing a few more drinks Nicky stood up and pulled Erik towards the dance floor. Ten minutes after that Aaron convinced a tipsy Kevin to go with him too, leaving Andrew and Neil alone at the table.

“Neil,” Andrew said after they had been sitting in tense silence for a few minutes. “Are you upset about what happened last night?”

Neil’s eyes snapped up to Andrew. “What? No, why would I be upset?”

He watched as Andrew’s jaw clenched. “You’ve been acting flighty and avoiding me all day.”

“Oh. It’s not that. I’m just-” Neil cut himself off. What should he even tell Andrew? He couldn’t admit to realizing he had feelings for him. He had promised Andrew this would all be fake and he wasn’t ready to admit to him that he had gone and taken it too far. He had no idea how Andrew would respond and he was too afraid to find out. What if Andrew called it all off for some reason? Neil only had a week left with him; he couldn’t give it up yet. He cleared his throat. “I’ve just been confused today. By last night. I really haven’t kissed many people before and it’s new for me. I still don’t quite understand it all, kissing and dating- pretending to date I mean.”

Andrew stared at him for a few moments. “I’m sorry I caused you to be confused.”

“No I- you don’t have to be sorry. I did like it.” Neil ducked his head as he felt his face heat up. Hopefully Andrew wouldn’t try to see past his admission to _why_ he had liked it so much. Because the only answer to that was it had been Andrew he’d been kissing.

Andrew plucked a shot glass from the drinks tray and downed it. Neil couldn’t help but watched the curve of his neck as he tilted his head back and swallowed. He looked away and hoped Andrew didn’t notice. 

Nicky came back then, took one look at the empty tray and at Neil’s probably still flushed face, and gave a suggestive smile before grabbing the tray to take to the bar with Erik. Neil saw Andrew roll his eyes and couldn’t help but agree.

The others all came back when Nicky returned with refilled drinks. This time Kevin remained when everyone else went off to the dance floor and Neil entertained himself with riling up a drunk Kevin. Arguing with him about Exy in this state was way more fun than normal.

“Why wouldn’t you want to play for the Columbia Dragons, Kevin?” Neil asked him in an innocent voice. “They are just as good as the Hawks.”

The offended look on Kevin’s face was almost enough to make Neil burst out laughing. 

“How could you say that?” Kevin demanded, sloshing his drink over the table as he threw his arms wide in disbelief. “The Dragons aren’t even close to the level of the Hawks! Have I taught you nothing?”

Neil couldn’t hide his snicker at that and Andrew gave him a flat look. “If he has an aneurysm because you got him too worked up you’re driving him to the hospital, not me.”

“You can’t tell me this isn’t entertaining,” Neil said.

Andrew shook his head and looked away but Neil was sure he saw Andrew’s lips twitch when he asked Kevin if he thought Washington State finally had a chance to beat the Trojans this year. 

* * *

When Neil woke up the next morning on the armchair downstairs, he felt way more rested than he had the previous morning. He hadn’t come close to solving any of his problems but at least he’d talked to Andrew at Eden’s and Andrew hadn’t acted as tense around him the rest of the night as he had during the day. 

Kevin groaned and flopped over on the couch where Andrew and Neil had deposited him last night. Neil had gone to shower while Andrew fetched Kevin water so that Neil had been putting his clothes away in his duffel when Andrew left to take his own shower. Neil had lingered in his room for a bit, trying to work up the courage to ask if it was alright to sleep there, but had quickly given up and fled back downstairs before Andrew could offer either way. 

Neil got up to refill Kevin’s water glass, knowing he would desperately need it when he woke up, and settled back down to try to catch some more sleep.

It was almost noon by the time the others started waking up with a lot of groaning and moaning about their hangovers. Neil wanted to point out how they had all brought it upon themselves but didn’t think it’d be appreciated. 

They spent most of the afternoon in a sluggish state that had everyone either back in their beds or lying around the living room to recover. Neil answered a call from Matt and Dan at one point and quickly took it outside when they loudly asked how him and Andrew were doing. From the look Andrew gave him, the heat he felt rising to his face might have given him away. 

When Nicky’s hangover had faded enough for him to gain his appetite back, he declared they should go out to dinner in honor of it being New Year’s Eve. Kevin made a noncommittal sound from where he’d barely moved all day on the couch while Aaron glanced over at Andrew, who in turn looked to Neil to make the decision. He didn’t understand why they were deferring to him at first until he realized they must not know if he wanted to go out to eat after the awkward incident at the diner two nights ago. But he had been fine at Sweetie’s last night so he told Nicky they would all go. He didn’t know how he felt about the others all waiting for his opinion and though it was rather unexpected, it was… nice in a way. 

Dinner ended up being at a Thai restaurant across town. Instead of moving into the bench first so he’d be closest to the wall like the last two times they went out to eat, Andrew stood back so Neil could sit down first, meaning he would be farther away from any servers. Neil swallowed in the face of that bit of consideration and quickly took his seat, trying not to think about how unbothered the others were at accommodating something like this and how Andrew seemed to know exactly what he needed. 

By the time dinner and was finished and they were back at the house, Nicky was excitedly chattering away about watching the ball drop on TV. Neil was about to follow the others into the living room when Andrew stopped in front of him in the hall.

“Roof?” he asked.

Neil nodded before he even fully registered the question, knowing he’d rather spend the time with Andrew than watching the fanfare on TV.

They made their way up to the Andrew’s room and Andrew easily pried the screen off the window. He grabbed the comforter off his bed and slipped outside onto the roof. Neil followed and sat down besides him. 

Andrew handed Neil the pack while he fixed the comforter around his shoulders. Neil lit the cigarettes and once he handed one to Andrew, Andrew lifted a corner of the comforter in an offer to him. Neil hesitated before moving closer so he was almost against Andrew’s side and wrapped the edge tight around his shoulder. He instantly felt warmer but he couldn’t tell if it was just because of the comforter shielding him from the cold air or because of his proximity to Andrew. 

After a few minutes of smoking in silence, Andrew spoke up. “It’s your turn.”

Neil froze for a moment as his mind was flooded with all the questions he could ask. Did Andrew enjoy their kiss the other night as much as he did? Did he feel for Neil what Neil was starting to feel for him? Did he still see this thing between them as utterly fake or was there a possibility for something more? Could Neil really be allowed to have this? With that last question Neil’s thoughts came crashing down. No, he couldn’t have this. Andrew didn’t even know his real name, who he really was behind the fake name and the fake papers that made up Neil Josten. Neil had given Andrew truths he wouldn’t share with anyone else, but he couldn’t bear to share Nathaniel with him. Andrew would walk away when confronted with that, anyone would, and Neil knew he couldn’t lie to Andrew forever. No, this would never work.

Neil ignored the pain in his chest at these thoughts and sought a question that had nothing to do with whatever was happening between them. He knew this question would be a serious one but he needed something to distract him. 

“Do your scars have to do with why you went to juvie?” Neil asked. He’d decided not to directly ask Andrew the question he had referred to the other night, why he went to juvie, and instead asked it in a way that would let Andrew not fully answer if he didn’t want to. 

“Yes,” Andrew replied. He continued to smoke his cigarette for a few minutes until it was burnt down to the filter. Once he stubbed it out he reached to grab Neil’s. Neil watched the way smoke fell from Andrew’s lips and thought he might like it better than watching his cigarette burn on its own.

“The family I was living with before I went to juvie were the Spears.” Neil tensed up at that, recognized the name from what Riko had been spouting at the banquet. He knew Andrew had to feel it from how close they were, but he ignored it and kept speaking. “Cass was like the mother I always wanted. One of the first in a line of very bad foster parents to treat me as one would their own child. She fed me, bought me things, never yelled or got angry, was always calm even when faced with my own anger or latest incident at school. I convinced myself that I could never find better than her, that I would do anything I could to keep her. So when her son Drake took an interest in me, I decided I had no choice but to outlast him until he went off to the Marines.”

Neil’s blood ran cold at the admission, at what he heard implied under Andrew’s actual words. The only reason he was able to keep his anger from boiling over was because Riko had said Drake had been convicted two years ago. If Drake had still been walking free, Neil would have gladly put the skills his father and Lola had forced him to learn to use for once. 

“That’s when Aaron found out about me,” Andrew continued on, staring blankly out into the dark night sky. “Cop I knew ran into him and thought he was me. Tilda got into contact with Cass to tell her she still wanted nothing to do with me. But Drake, he was too intrigued by the thought of me having a twin to let it go.” Neil swallowed down his newest burst of anger and focused on where his knuckles were white from gripping the comforter so hard. “I knew then that my choice was either Cass or Aaron. I chose Aaron and made sure to get sent away and out of Drake’s reach for good.”

Neil let out the breath he didn’t realize had gotten stuck in his chest. He slowly moved his leg so his knee gave Andrew’s a slight nudge before he pulled it back, mirroring what Andrew had done for him in the diner the other night. He didn’t have any words, but he didn’t think Andrew needed any. He wasn’t looking for condolences or pity or a pointless sorry. All Neil had to do what take his words as truth and accept it. 

After a minute Andrew let his knee fall back to rest against Neil’s. Neil fought the small smile threatening to form on his face and looked away. 

“Your turn, if you want to take it,” Neil said a bit later.

Andrew hummed. Neither of them were smoking anymore, just wrapped up in the comforter alone on the roof with nothing else to distract them. 

“When I showed you my knives, you said you weren’t scared because they weren’t _their_ knives. Who are they?”

Neil focused on the small point of contact where their knees touched as he forced himself to maintain steady breaths. He was with Andrew and he was safe. They were dead and their memories couldn’t cause him harm anymore.

“As you might’ve guessed, my father was one,” he started off with. Andrew nodded. “But he had- had friends? Associates? Whatever you want to call it. None of them were good people, but the worst was Lola.” Neil shuddered and Andrew leaned into him, steadying him. “Lola liked knives as much as he did. She was tasked with teaching me how to use them too.” Neil couldn’t help but bring his hand up to the knife scars on his right cheek as he thought of Lola’s knives. He worried at them as he continued. “She gave me these. And the burns too. She’d probably be happy to know how bad they scarred and how everyone I meet sees _them_ before they actually see me.”

Andrew reached his arm behind Neil’s shoulders so he could grip Neil’s wrist. He squeezed gently and brought it away from Neil’s face where he’d barely realized he’d started digging into his scars a little too forcefully. Neil dropped his hand into his lap but Andrew’s arm remained, anchoring him. 

“People who see the scars and not you are not worth your time,” Andrew said. 

Neil nodded, both because he was too tired to argue the point and because part of him really wanted to believe Andrew. He turned to face him and suddenly realized just how close they were sitting, knee to knee, shoulder to shoulder, Andrew’s arm across his back, encircled by the comforter. 

Cheering from inside the house echoed through the open window and Neil realized it must be midnight.

“Happy New Year, Andrew,” he whispered. 

“Happy New Year, Neil,” he whispered back. 

Neil swallowed, his throat feeling dry at the thought entering his mind. “Isn’t it tradition that you’re supposed to kiss someone at midnight? I’ve never done that before.”

“Are you asking for me to kiss you, Neil?”

Neil felt the heat rise on his cheeks and knew Andrew probably noticed in the light shining out behind them from his bedroom window. “Maybe I am.”

“Yes or no?”

“Yes, Andrew,” Neil said as he leaned forward to press their lips together.

Neil had thought their kiss the last time was good, but this was even better. Andrew’s arm stayed gripped around his shoulders as he brought his other hand up to bury itself in Neil’s hair. Andrew used it to pull Neil closer and Neil went willingly, keeping his hands still in his lap as he leaned into Andrew, turned so they were chest to chest. Andrew’s lips were firm yet soft in a way Neil would never have imagined. The feel of Andrew’s warm tongue against his made something inside him curl and an involuntary moan escaped his lips only to be mostly swallowed up by Andrew’s mouth. He could get lost in this, for seconds, minutes, days, years. This feeling of Andrew holding him up and warming him from the inside out, chasing away all the lingering memories and pain and making everything seem bright again. Safe again. 

Andrew pulled away and moved the hand in Neil’s hair to his cheek, brushing his thumb along the knife scars. Neil shivered a bit and Andrew grabbed his chin to tilt his face away, then brushed a kiss right along the scars. Neil felt like he could barely breath. The feel of Andrew’s lips on his cheek, on his scars as if they weren’t ugly reminders of his past but just another part of him, was too much for his mind to handle. 

He wasn’t sure if he made a sound or not but Andrew tilted his face back so Neil could look at him and slid his hand down to the back of Neil’s neck. The look in his eyes was too intense and overwhelming and Neil had to look away. Searching for a distraction, he leaned forward to kiss Andrew, then moved lower to kiss the edge of his jaw and then his neck. He almost pulled away when he felt Andrew tense, but the accompanying shiver signaled to him that he wasn’t in danger of crossing a line. He felt Andrew’s hand come down to rest on his wrists where they were still in his lap and didn’t mind that he needed the easy reassurance. He continued kissing a trail down the side of Andrew’s neck, jaw to shoulder and back up, and couldn’t help but smile against his pulse point when he felt another shiver run through him.

The arm around Neil’s shoulders moved so Andrew could thread his fingers through Neil’s hair and bring his head back up and kiss him again. Their kissing slowly grew more lazy and less urgent as the night wore on and exhaustion crept up on both of them. They eventually pulled away and Neil was delighted to see how flushed Andrew’s face was, faint pink coloring his cheekbones just like he’d imagined it would. He couldn’t help the smile that filled his face at the sight and even Andrew’s responding glare couldn’t force it off his face entirely. 

“I hate you,” Andrew said dispassionately. 

Neil felt a pang somewhere deep inside him at that but he pushed it aside for now. He knew this couldn’t mean as much to Andrew as it did to him, but that was fine. Neil was happy with what he could get. He just hoped he’d be gifted a chance to get Andrew looking like this at least once more before this was over. 

They slowly broke apart and got up to head inside, movements slow and tired. Andrew dragged the comforter in through the window and Neil worked the screen back in place and slid the window shut. He turned to see Andrew still spreading the comforter out on his bed and silently made his way to the door.

“Where are you going?” Andrew asked.

Neil turned around. “I figured you’d want to be alone again.”

“Sleep here,” was all Andrew said as he climbed into bed. 

Neil hesitated only for a moment before taking Andrew’s word that he was all right with this and climbing in after him. He reached around to turn off the lamp on the nightstand and waited as his eyes adjusted to the dark. 

He still felt as if he was buzzing, his skin sensitive and light, and couldn’t close his eyes despite his exhaustion. He spent a few minutes studying Andrew’s face instead, picturing again and again that blush that had been there and the look in Andrew’s eyes as he’d leaned forward to place his lips against Neil’s cheek.

“Staring,” Andrew muttered, even though his eyes remained close. 

“How do you know?” Neil asked.

“Good night Neil,” he said pointedly. 

“Night, ‘Drew,” Neil mumbled through a yawn as he closed his eyes. It wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep after that, with the feel of Andrew’s lips on his and any painful memories the farthest away they’d been in years.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! I haven't had a chance to reply to all of your comments on the last chapter yet but they are lovely and I appreciate them very much. as you may have noticed, this fic now has a set chapter count! I plan on finishing it in 20 chapters along with an epilogue. since it is so close to being finished I'll only being posting the remaining chapters on Sundays, which means in about a months time it will be completed! kinda bittersweet as I've really enjoyed writing and posting this fic but I'm also very excited to finish writing and see your reactions to the next few chapters :) so with that, here's chapter 17! & thanks Kit for the beta

This time when Andrew had the pleasure of waking up to Neil in his bed, Neil was still asleep. The early morning sunlight coming through the window illuminated his red hair and got caught in his long lashes. Andrew was filled with such a strong longing to reach out and just touch, to ensure that Neil was real and their closeness on the roof the night before actually happened. Keeping still and shoving the urge down felt like the hardest thing he’d ever done.

Andrew was still staring an embarrassingly long time later when Neil finally woke. He blinked sleep out of his eyes and gave a slight, private smile when he focused on Andrew.

“Morning,” Neil whispered.

Andrew hummed in acknowledgement. He wanted so bad to cross the space between them and kiss Neil, but that would give too much away. This thing between them was fake, even if Andrew had fallen for Neil as if it was real. Besides, Neil had told him the night before last how kissing him had confused him so much. He refused to push Neil over this just because he’d gone and got feelings. He wasn’t quite sure what Neil wanted from what they were doing but he wouldn’t force an answer while Neil was busy working things out for himself.

So instead of kissing Neil he forced himself to get out of bed. Neil didn’t seem ready to move yet so Andrew had to climb over him and ignore the sudden temptation to lower himself onto Neil and kiss him pinned to the bed. Andrew really needed to get a grip.

He settled for a huge mug of sugary coffee downstairs in an attempt to get his mind clear of these pesky thoughts and searched the fridge for breakfast. Just as he’d decided on waffles, keys jangled in the lock of the front door and the sounds of Nicky and Erik came in from the hall.

The two entered the kitchen to drop a couple of brown paper bags on the table.

“Happy New Year, Andrew!” Nicky exclaimed with a smile and a gesture towards the bags. “We got breakfast.”

Andrew nodded his thanks for that and pawed through the bags until he found a box with cinnamon rolls inside. He brought the treat and his coffee to the living room and then went upstairs to fetch the book on his nightstand. Neil was asleep again when he entered, buried under the blankets with only his hair sticking out, startling red against the white pillowcase. Andrew closed the door quietly behind him and let Neil be. 

He spent the rest of the morning eating his breakfast, sipping his coffee, and getting through a few chapters of his book before Nicky came in to inform him their appointment for getting fitted for suits was in an hour. Andrew didn’t look up from his book when he told Nicky that Aaron would be taking care of it for him.

Neil came down shortly after at the sound of Kevin turning on the sports channel to watch recent game highlights and gave a pointed look at Andrew’s feet where he was laying across couch.

“Do you really need to hog the whole thing?” he asked.

In response Andrew pulled his knees up so Neil could sit, then put his feet back in Neil’s lap once he was settled. He didn’t glance away from his book to see Neil’s reaction but he heard his put-upon sigh and ignored the twitch he felt in his lips.

Stomping feet on the stairs signaled Aaron’s approach a few minutes later. Andrew heard him come to a stop at the back of the couch and didn’t look up to acknowledge him.

“I’m not getting your suit for you. You’re coming with,” Aaron said with that indignant tone of his.

“That’s not how deals work,” Andrew said, still not sparing him a glance as he flipped a page.

“That deal was bullshit because tutoring Neil wasn’t an inconvenience for you after all.”

Andrew felt a light tap at his ankles. “You made a deal to tutor me to get out of a suit fitting?” Neil asked, amusement coloring his voice.

“This is your fault, Neil,” Aaron snapped.

“My fault?” Neil questioned, tilting his head back on the couch to look up at Aaron. Andrew couldn’t help but look up from his book as he imagined what kissing his exposed throat would be like. Ugh, the coffee hadn’t helped after all. “Sounds like you played yourself with this one, Aaron. Maybe you should have paid more attention to your twin and you would’ve caught on sooner.”

Aaron looked like he had something biting to say back to that, but he flicked a glance to Andrew then let out a breath. “Whatever. You still screwed me on this though.” Andrew listened as Aaron’s footsteps stomped back out of the room.

Neil looked to Andrew as his amusement faded and confusion took its place. “Why is Aaron so pissed anyways? You still tutored me so he didn’t have to. It’s not like you got anything else out of having to cover those sessions.”

Kevin gave a long suffering sigh from where he was sitting on the armchair and constantly flicking his gaze between the laptop he held and the TV screen. “Aaron believes Andrew should’ve done it for free since he was hanging out his boyfriend. He also probably doubts you spent the whole time studying,” Kevin said with a wave of his hand.

“What else would we have been doing?” Neil asked, frowning down at where he was agitatedly tapping out a rhythm on Andrew’s ankles in his lap.

Kevin put his head in his hands and groaned at Neil’s obliviousness. “Each other,” Kevin mumbled, though the words were mostly muffled.

“Each other? What does tha- Oh,” Neil stumbled, face flushing as he put it together. He looked over at Andrew before quickly looking away again and taking his hands off Andrew’s ankles.

Andrew sighed, taking his feet out of Neil’s lap and sitting up to fold his legs in front of him. “Ignore Aaron. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. And Kevin, if he’s too oblivious to catch on maybe he doesn’t care to know.”

Kevin lowered his hands and turned to Andrew. “Someone needs to point it out for him. He misses stuff like this all the time.”

“So? Who gives a fuck. There’s more important things than having your mind go right to sex all the time,” Andrew said as he thought of Neil claiming he didn’t swing, that he was probably somewhere on the asexual spectrum. He didn’t need people shaming him over not caring for that stuff or not picking up on every innuendo thrown his way. 

“I guess you’re right,” Kevin mumbled as he settled back to whatever he was doing on his laptop. 

Andrew noticed Neil was back to looking at him and raised a brow in question, but Neil only gave him a faint uptick of his lips before turning his gaze to the TV.

The rest of the day passed by quietly but quickly after that, filled mostly with Nicky, Erik, and Aaron leaving to go rent the suits, everyone packing for tomorrow’s flight, and making sure last minute details of the trip were all figured out. Andrew had just finished zipping up his bag and getting into bed when Neil entered his room, freshly showered and obviously looking for confirmation that he was allowed to sleep here tonight.

Andrew glanced up from where he had just opened his book and reached over to throw back the edge of the blankets in invitation. Neil slid under the blankets with that soft smile playing on his lips and laid down on his side, head tilted on the pillow so he could watch Andrew read.

Andrew could feel his gaze and held out saying anything for a while, hoping Neil would fall asleep. When he finished another chapter and could still tell Neil was staring, he sighed loudly.

“Do you need something?” he asked.

“No,” Neil murmured.

“Then sleep.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Nerves, maybe? Airports were always stressful places when we were traveling.”

Andrew knew the “we” must be referring to Neil and his mother. He was surprised at the easy truth Neil had just freely given though. Usually he only admitted those things in the middle of their questions game. 

“I don’t like airports either,” Andrew admitted, maybe because he wanted to balance out their truths. Not that the airports themselves were the problem.

“Think we can drive?”

“I don’t think the others would appreciate us changing the plans this last minute. Though that does sounds like a better option.”

Neil hummed and Andrew looked down to see him tapping out an agitated rhythm again, this time against the bed and with a frown that said he was thinking about something. With Neil’s past Andrew wouldn’t be surprised if it was a bad memory starting to occupy his mind. Or at least that’s what he told himself to justify reaching out to thread his fingers in Neil’s hair.

“Sleep, Neil,” Andrew said as he turned his attention back to the book. He kept running his fingers through Neil’s hair though, along with gently rubbing against his scalp. Neil let out a contented little noise and the slight tapping noise faded as his breaths deepened and evened out.

Andrew was tired but he read a few more chapters just so he could keep his hand in Neil’s hair. He was surprised how nice it felt, how despite someone else sleeping in his bed, all was calm and he somehow knew it would still be safe when he turned out the light. 

Eventually he did put his book down and carefully leaned over Neil’s sleeping form to click the light off. He unthreaded his hand from Neil’s hair and listened to the noise Neil made at that in his sleep, then laid down with his back to the wall and facing Neil in the dark. Safe was such an odd concept, but as much as he would love to deny the feeling in his chest, he knew numbness intimately, and this was the opposite of that. 

* * *

“I saw a Starbucks a few gates back. Does anyone want anything?” Nicky asked once they arrived at their gate and found a section of empty seats.

Andrew nodded, trusting Nicky to get him something he’d like, and made his way over to stare out the large windows. He had a distant view of the runway and the sight made his chest clench in a painful way. He forced himself to look though as again and again planes took off without a hitch. It wasn’t because he needed the fear to help him feel something, as such was the reason for him frequenting the roof of Fox Tower originally. No, he’d been doing enough pesky _feeling_ lately. At least it made Bee proud even though it inconvenienced him.

Speaking of an inconvenience, it was about fifteen minutes later when he felt a presence at his side and looked over to find Neil holding out his drink. He gave a nod in thanks and sipped the sugary mocha as his gaze was drawn back to the runway. 

“What are you doing?” Neil asked after another few minutes of silence. 

Andrew brought his fingers up to his neck and tapped in time to his pulse. Who was acting like a rabbit now?

“Oh,” said Neil quietly. “When you said you didn’t like airports either I didn’t realize you meant you were afraid of flying.”

“I’m not,” Andrew replied. 

“Then what are you afraid of?”

“Falling.”

“You spend a lot of time on roofs for someone afraid of falling off them.”

Andrew hummed his agreement. “And what about you, little rabbit? What are you afraid of?”

Neil was silent as he stared out the window. Andrew thought he was watching the runway at first, but then he realized Neil’s eyes weren’t focused on the planes; they were focused on his faint reflection in the glass. 

“What am I afraid of?” The mocking lilt to his voice was aimed solely at himself. “Nathaniel.” 

Andrew didn’t missed the subtle flinch Neil gave as the name left his mouth and decided not to repeat it. “Who is that?” he asked instead.

“No one important. At least not anymore.” 

Neil didn’t offer anything else after that confession, and after a few minutes of silence Andrew lightly reached out to grab the back of his neck before leading him over to their seats, not liking the faraway look his eyes had gotten. The others gave him a few odd looks at Neil’s silence but Andrew ignored them. 

It was announced that boarding had begun and they all got up to stand in line. They slowly filed onto the plane and once inside Neil led the way to their row and took the window seat. The few times Andrew had flown before he had always claimed the aisle seat but he sat down in the middle. Kevin sat beside him and Aaron, Nicky, and Erik were in the row across the aisle. 

Andrew focused on the seat in front of him as the flight attendants readied the plane for takeoff and went through their spiel on plane safety which he could still recall perfectly from his last flight.

When the plane gave its first jerk into motion, Andrew tightened his grip on the armrests. Neil looked away from where he’d been staring blankly out the window and glanced down at Andrew’s white knuckles before bringing his gaze up to Andrew’s face.

“You’re much more likely to die recklessly driving your car than you are in a plane,” Neil said quietly in German. Andrew was slightly grateful that Neil was keeping this private as Kevin couldn’t understand the language and the others were too far away to hear.

He turned his head slightly towards Neil, making sure not to let his eyes wander to the window, but talking was beginning to feel like too much of an effort right now.

Neil seemed to understand because he didn’t wait for Andrew to respond before he started talking again. He began with discussing his favorite towns they stayed at while in Germany, and when the plane was about to takeoff he turned to cover the window before continuing on. There were stories about Germany and how it had taken Neil a while to adapt to the culture there (Andrew took this to mean not just adapt to live there but adapt to pretend he had been living there all along), tales of his journeys through France, how big his uncle’s house had been outside of London and how odd it had been trying to reconcile the area his mother had grown up in to who she had become. Andrew couldn’t help but notice the grief coloring his voice when he mentioned her and wondered just how she’d died. It didn’t seem like Neil was quite done mourning her, and if Andrew knew anything about pasts like theirs he doubted her end had been a pretty one.

The plane flight was short, only around two hours, but it would have felt like an eternity for Andrew without Neil there to anchor him and keep his mind on his stories instead of the fact that they were thousands of feet in the air in a manmade metal contraption. 

The flight attendant announced their descent and when Andrew took to gripping the armrests a little too hard again, Neil leaned his shoulder against his. Andrew concentrated on that point of contact to distract himself and if when the plane hit the ground and jostled them around a bit Andrew leaned into Neil a little harder, neither of them mentioned it. 

Andrew was impatient to escape the plane once they landed and felt relieved when they finally got off and were inside the airport. He noticed Neil give a wary glance to the crowds around them and stick a bit closer to his side than normal but he couldn’t begrudge him it when Neil had just helped him through the flight. Andrew knocked his elbow into Neil’s as they made their way to the baggage claim and knew Neil would be fine when he did the same back.

It wasn’t long before they had their luggage and were squeezing into the car Allison had scheduled to pick them up. There were some perks of Nicky and Allison’s constant gossip exchange apparently. 

The driver pulled up at the entrance of the hotel and hopped out to help them unload their bags. Andrew stepped out and gazed up at the tall building in front of him. The Reynolds Hotel was just as imposing as Allison fancied herself to be.

Bellhops quickly descended the front stairs and came to greet them and carry their bags inside. Neil gave a hesitant look as his bag disappeared but didn’t say anything. They were led into the lobby that obviously catered to a way more wealthy class of people than Andrew’s family, evident by the tall ceiling, bright chandeliers, immaculate designs, and open space. The receptionists were good at their jobs though and didn’t let any thoughts along those lines show on their faces as Nicky and Erik stepped up to check them in to their rooms. 

Back when Allison had been at Palmetto, she didn’t talk to her parents as they had disowned her for having a mind of her own and following her desire to play Exy. But after graduation she quickly got started in the fashion industry and by now her name and brand were everywhere, athletes of all types clamoring to rep her sportswear line. Her parents couldn’t ignore her after that and tried to make amends. Allison definitely hadn’t forgiven them and the relationship was strained but she had no problems with taking advantage of her family’s hotel chain to make her numerous wedding guests happy for discounted prices at her parents’ expense. 

“Aaron!” yelled a voice from across the lobby. 

Andrew watched as Katelyn came running straight for Aaron. His twin turned and smiled as he saw her, taking a few steps forward to meet her and catch her in his arms. Andrew looked away as they continued their little reunion with lots of kissing. It had only been a few weeks.

Kevin checked his phone as it buzzed and then turned to Andrew and Neil. “Thea already checked in to our room. Text me if you decide on going out to dinner or anything.” 

Andrew nodded in reply and watched as Kevin walked towards the elevators. 

A few minutes later Nicky returned with their room keys.

“Hi Katelyn!” he said as he greeted her with a hug. “Here’s your room key, you and Aaron are in 1004. Erik and I are in 1005 and Andrew and Neil, you are in room 1003.”

Andrew swiped the room key out of Nicky’s palm and turned to head for the elevators, ready to be alone for a while after all that traveling. 

“Wait, Andrew!” Nicky called after him. “We haven’t talked about dinner plans yet.”

Andrew turned around to tell Nicky to figure it out himself and text him the plans later when he heard the elevator ding as it opened and a familiar voice spill out.

“Neil!” he heard the man yell, followed by the sound of running footsteps. Matt Boyd ran right past him without stopping and practically bowled into Neil, proceeding to envelope him in a hug and lift him off his feet. “I missed you so much buddy!”

Neil’s arms were trapped against Matt’s chest and Andrew couldn’t make out his words as Dan Wilds stopped next to him.

“Sometimes I think Matt loves Neil more than he loves me,” she said with a grin on her face. “Do you feel the same way?”

Andrew decided not to acknowledge that question and walked back over to the group where Matt was setting a disheveled Neil back on the ground.

“I missed you too, Matt,” Neil said, a smile tugging at his lips. He hugged Dan as she came over to join them. “This is so much better than over the phone.”

“I know,” Matt said with a sad smile. “We went way too long without visiting. Now that I’m more settled on the team I’ll definitely be able to set aside time to visit next semester though.”

“I’d like that,” Neil replied, his voice genuine. 

Matt reached over to ruffle Neil’s hair. “Then we will make it happen.” Neil taken care of, him and Dan finally turned to the others. “It’s good to see all of you too. How have you been?”

“Great!” Nicky chipped in. “Fox Tower isn’t as fun without all of you around though; the rest of the athletes are pretty boring. It’ll be nice to have everyone back together this weekend.”

“Yeah it will be,” Dan agreed. “Allison and Renee are busy tonight with their families but they suggested we should all go out for dinner tomorrow night if everyone is up for it.”

“Sure,” said Katelyn. “I’d love to see everyone and have time to catch up.”

Aaron nodded and Nicky voiced his agreement. Matt and Dan glanced over at Andrew and Neil and Neil smiled his assent for both of them. 

“Good!” said Matt. “Well we were on our way out in the city for some shopping, so maybe we will catch you all later? You’re welcome to join but after your flight you’re probably tired.”

Andrew saw Neil chew on his lip in the way he did when he was thinking about something. He caught Neil’s eye and inclined his head towards Matt and Dan in question. 

Neil gave a slight shrug before whispering, “Is that okay?”

“I don’t care,” Andrew replied. “Go catch up with your friends.”

Neil flashed him a grateful smile before looking back to Matt and Dan. “I’ll come with you, if you don’t mind.”

“Mind? Of course we don’t mind! Let’s go!” Matt slung an arm around Neil’s shoulders and started leading him away as he waved goodbye to everyone else.

“We’ll return your boy later, Andrew,” Dan said with a smirk, trailing off after them before Andrew could say anything.

Nicky snickered but stopped when Andrew glared at him. “Ah, let’s go to our rooms then?” he said as he quickly pulled Erik away to the elevators.

Andrew, Aaron, and Katelyn followed the pair and made their way up to the tenth floor. Andrew used his room key to unlock the door and stepped into the big, open space. His and Neil’s suitcases were sitting on the bench at the end of the king sized bed, which, inconveniently, was not pushed up against a wall. Andrew decided to deal with that issue later and instead checked out the rest of the room. There was a plush couch along one wall and two glass doors that opened up onto a balcony with a view of the tall buildings surrounding them. Another door led to a bathroom and on a table in the room’s corner was a basket. Andrew fished out a card to find a message written in Allison’s handwriting on the front and Renee’s on the back.

Allison’s note said she hoped the “happy couple” enjoyed their stay together and Andrew only refrained from tearing it in half because of Renee’s more sensible note on the back saying she was happy they were both here to take part in her and Allison’s special day and that she was looking forward to seeing Andrew tomorrow. 

Andrew set the note back down on the table and grabbed the bag of chocolate candies out of the basket to settle on the bed with. He flicked the TV on and tried to find something interesting enough to help pass the time as his twin, cousin, and best friend all enjoyed their own rooms with their _real_ significant others.

It was a few hours later when the sun was starting to lower behind the tall New York buildings that Nicky texted Andrew that they would be meeting Neil, Dan, and Matt at a Korean restaurant a few blocks away in an hour. 

He got up to take a shower and wash the day’s traveling off him and changed into nicer clothes before meeting the others in the lobby. Andrew was happy he grabbed his coat when they stepped outside and were quickly met with the sharp January wind blowing through the streets.

The walk only took about twenty minutes but Andrew’s nose and cheeks were starting to go numb from the wind by the time they entered the warmth of the restaurant. They were quickly led to a table in the back and Andrew slid into the open seat next to Neil.

“Hi,” Neil said as Andrew finished hanging his coat over the back of his chair behind him.

He didn’t respond but knocked his knee into Neil’s in greeting. 

“You look cold,” Neil observed. Andrew looked over and watched as Neil reached out a hand and hovered it close to his face. He didn’t move, waiting to see what Neil was doing, and Neil lightly brushed his fingers against Andrew’s cheeks where they must still be red from the freezing wind.

Across the table Matt made a sound that he tried to cover up by taking a sip of his water and Neil quickly dropped his hand back to his lap and looked away. Andrew leveled a blank stare on Matt until he fidgeted a bit in his seat, then looked down at the menu in front of him.

A waiter came by a few minutes later to interrupt the conversations that had started around the table and take their orders. 

“How was shopping?” Andrew asked Neil as the others picked their conversation back up.

“It was fine,” Neil shrugged. “I only went to spend time with Dan and Matt, not for the clothes. Although I did end up buying some things when they said if I didn’t they were going to buy them for me.” The distaste on Neil’s face at that comment almost made Andrew want to laugh. 

The food was delivered and the table grew quiet as everyone enjoyed their meals. After they were done Nicky started regaling Dan and Matt with all the gossip he’d heard around Fox Tower since they left with Kevin chirping in occasionally to utter complaints about some of the Foxes’ shenanigans. Thea leaned over to ask Neil if he had thought of what pro team he would join after college and he seemed to get a bit flustered at Thea so easily thinking he would be going pro.

Once the bill was paid the group got up and started the walk back. Andrew noticed that Neil hadn’t grabbed his coat when he ran off with Dan and Matt earlier and was now shivering as they walked down the cold streets. He didn’t let himself think about it when he pulled off his coat and shoved it at Neil.

“Put in on,” he said without stopping.

Neil did stop walking for a second as he instinctively grabbed at the coat and stared down at it in his hands. He looked back at Andrew who was now a few steps away and hurried to catch up as he pulled it on.

“But aren’t you cold?” he asked Andrew.

“No,” Andrew lied as he folded his arms around his chest and fought not to seem affected.

Neil shook his head at the obvious lie but seemed to know that Andrew wouldn’t take the coat back if he offered. Andrew saw Matt elbow Dan from where they were walking a few feet ahead of them but neither said anything. 

Thankfully they made it back to the hotel not long after and the warmth quickly seeped back into Andrew’s skin. They stood around the lobby for a few minutes as everyone chatted a bit more and said their good nights before heading upstairs to their respective rooms.

Neil took the coat off and hung it up in the closet as they entered their room. Andrew went right to his bag and pulled out some clothes to change into. When he came out of the bathroom and Neil went in, he stood at the end of the bed and faced the issue at hand.

Andrew hadn’t opened up to Bee completely when he had first started seeing her, but by now she knew all of his secrets. This meant that they talked about everything, from things serious to mundane to inconsequential to embarrassing. This also meant that Andrew had brought up this situation with her when they had been talking about his impending plane flight and the trip. Bee said it was ultimately Andrew’s decision, but she believed if he trusted Neil enough and felt comfortable with some casual touches and having him close, that he would be able to handle having him in the same bed. She had been right, but so far that had been in his own familiar bed and with a wall at his back, which was how he had slept for years now. This king sized bed was big enough that he would barely even feel Neil laying on the other side of it, but he still didn’t want to make the decision lightly.

Andrew was still standing at the end of the bed when he heard the bathroom door open and Neil came over to place his things back in his bag. Neil then went and flopped down on the couch.

Andrew turned to look at him. “What are you doing?” he asked.

Neil moved his arm from where he had draped it over his face so he could see Andrew. “Going to sleep. Why?”

Andrew swallowed as he stared at Neil sprawled out, all long limbs and messy hair and hard edges softened by the sleep in his voice. Andrew found it hard to believe how simply and easily Neil never assumed anything and respected his boundaries as if it was second nature. He had doubted he would ever find someone like this, like this pipe dream Neil had turned out to be that never pushed and never seemed to expect more than he could give and traded in truths and didn’t for one second doubt Andrew’s honesty. 

“Get in bed,” Andrew said, voice blank even though his heart was beating rabbit fast as he forced these pointless thoughts down. It didn’t matter.

Andrew turned off the light before crawling into the bed and heard a few moments later the sounds of Neil pulling himself off the couch to make his way over. He quietly got under the covers and barely made a disturbance as he settled down against the far edge. 

Andrew stared across the space in the dark, making out Neil’s features from the dim light filtering through the curtains covering the balcony doors.

“Goodnight, Neil,” he whispered, setting the words free between them.

“Goodnight, Andrew,” he echoed the words back. 

Sleep didn’t come easy in the unfamiliar setting, but what surprised Andrew was that when he woke and things seemed uncharted around him, Neil’s calm, sleeping form on the other side of the bed was the only thing he needed to concentrate on to reorient himself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks as always for the wonderful comments on the last chapter <3

Neil wasn’t quite sure what he expected when he heard they were to have dinner with Allison and Renee two nights before their wedding. A fancy restaurant maybe, some high class place with elaborate food that required everyone to be dressed in their most expensive clothes, waiters that would take your coat and be at your beck and call. As the taxi dropped them off outside some plain building with an old sign declaring “Giacomo’s Ristorante”, Neil felt immediately relieved. Once a Fox, always a Fox, he thought. Allison may be some big name in the fashion industry now but she was much more than her money and popularity and influence. She also had Renee to keep her tethered.

Their group entered the small restaurant and were enveloped by the warmth and smell of Italian cooking. The hostess led them to a back room and Neil took in all the old black and white photographs covering the walls as they past, depicting friends and family of the owners and the community around the area.

Allison and Renee were sitting at a large table and stood up when they entered the room. Dan went to embrace Renee as Allison came over to greet the others.

“Nicky,” she said as she hugged him, “we have so much to catch up on. You’ll never guess who my parents invited last minute to the reception.”

“Oh no, you’ll have to tell me all about it when we sit down,” Nicky answered as they let go of each other. Andrew apparently hadn’t been kidding when he’d said a large part of Nicky and Allison’s friendship was based on gossip.

“Oh I will. Erik, nice to see you again. Enjoying your trip?”

“Yes I am,” smiled Erik. “And thank you for inviting me to your wedding.”

“Maybe you’ll invite me to yours in return,” Allison said with a wink that made Nicky smile widely. 

“And it’s nice to see you too,” she addressed the others. “It’s been too long.”

Allison started to greet Katelyn but Neil didn’t catch the rest of the conversation as he was distracted by Renee approaching Andrew. 

“Hello,” she said quietly. “It’s great to see you Andrew. Thank you for coming.”

Andrew nodded in acknowledgment to her thanks. “How are you?” he asked.

“A bit stressed,” Renee answered honestly. “But also excited. It helps having all of you here. And how have you been doing?”

“Good,” Andrew replied after a pause. 

Renee seemed to gleam more from this than what was said because she smiled and reached out a hand to hover over Andrew’s shoulder. When he nodded, she gave it a slight squeeze before stepping away.

“Hello Neil. Thank you for the Christmas present you sent us. We already have it hanging up in the apartment.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he said, relieved it had been appreciated.

“Very much so. Now shall we sit down?” she asked, gesturing towards the table.

Neil trailed her to their seats and the others followed suit soon after. Matt came over to take the seat on Neil’s left and gave him a quick hug in greeting.

“What did you guys do today?” Matt asked. “Sorry Dan and I couldn’t join you. Too many last minute things to help organize.”

“It’s fine,” Neil said as he opened his menu. “Kevin had his meeting with the Hawks today so Nicky dragged us to visit Times Square. Then he wanted to shop so the rest of us went to Central Park. I wish it was closer to the hotel so I could go back and run there tomorrow morning.”

“Only you would be contemplating a morning run in an unfamiliar city while on vacation,” Matt laughed as he shook his head. “You’re here to relax and enjoy the wedding, Neil.”

“Round one of the playoffs begins in three weeks,” Neil argued, looking up from his menu to stare at Matt. “We have a chance to beat the Ravens this year and I’m not going to let us lose.”

“One weekend without exercise won’t ensure you lose. And the Ravens don’t stand a chance. Dan and I are already planning to make it to the Finals to watch the Foxes win.”

“Our win isn’t definite,” Kevin said, leaning across the table as he picked up on the conversation. “We still need to improve if we are going to beat the Ravens. And after the stunt Neil pulled at the banquet someone is going to want to crush us more than he already did.”

“What stunt?” Dan asked as she overheard the conversation too.

“Umm,” Neil tarried as he ducked his head. He hadn’t mentioned his antagonism of Riko at the banquet to Dan and Matt because he didn’t want to keep thinking of his stupidity in that moment. Even if the bastard had deserved it.

“You didn’t hear about it?” Nicky chimed in excitedly, breaking off his conversation with Allison. “He told Riko off for being rude to Kevin and Andrew. Riko was so pissed he tried to take a swing at him. Wymack and the other coaches had to break it up and everything!”

“You went off on Riko and didn’t tell us!” Matt exclaimed. “I would pay to see that!”

“Neil, really?” Dan said, her old captain voice coming back to color her tone with disapproval. “You couldn’t have done it where the other coaches wouldn’t have seen at least?”

“Well he started it,” Neil muttered. 

“Knowing Riko, there is no doubt at all he deserved it,” Allison said dismissively. “Did you know the Moriyamas invest in my brand? I agreed only because I liked the idea of having more contact with Riko’s estranged family than he ever will.”

Renee looked like she wanted to say something about that but remained silent. Apparently with what they knew of Riko and Kevin’s past together, Riko getting what he deserved was something even she wouldn’t argue against.

At that moment the waiter arrived with a few bottles of wine that Allison had already ordered and took everyone’s dinner orders. Conversation around the table trailed off into different directions and voices mixed with the low Italian music filtering throughout the restaurant. Andrew and Renee talked quietly besides him and Neil was content to have the attention off of him as he listened to Kevin talk about Matt’s first season in the pro leagues, Thea good-naturedly joking that Matt had a ways to go before he caught up to her backliner stats. 

Dinner was a noisy affair but Neil was happy having all his friends in one place. It didn’t take long for them to finish their food but they stayed until the late hours of the night drinking and talking, content to be all together. 

Allison called a few cars to come drive them back to the hotel and they went outside to wait. Neil looked around to see Andrew standing off to the side talking to Matt and Dan, or at least it seemed Matt and Dan were talking at him, and Neil went to go possibly intervene when Allison came over.

“Hey Neil,” she sighed as she slung an arm across his shoulders, stopping him in his tracks. 

“Hi Allison,” he responded.

“Thanks for taking Riko down a peg,” she said, words clear and at odds with the way she was starting to lean more of her weight on him in her tipsy state.

“You’re welcome?”

“He insulted Renee once,” she continued in a confiding tone. “After a game. I wanted to punch him but Dan wouldn’t let me. Renee probably wouldn’t have been happy with me too.”

“Renee doesn’t approve of violence,” Neil agreed, confused on why Allison was telling him this.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “She’s too good for that. Really good. The best actually. That’s why I’m marrying her.”

“Allison, what are you doing?” Renee laughed as she came over, rainbow tipped hair swinging around her shoulders as she shook her head at her fiancée. 

“And there she is! My future wife!” Allison let go of Neil to fall dramatically against Renee, who wrapped her arms around her to keep her upright. 

“Yes, here I am,” Renee said as she kissed Allison’s cheek. “Let’s get you home so you can drink some water and sleep. We don’t want you hungover tomorrow and terrorizing all the poor hotel staff.”

“I don’t terrorize people,” Allison said with a wave of her hand as the cars pulled up. “I just make sure they’re doing their jobs right. With the amount of people coming to the reception they need all the help they can get.” 

Renee tried to lead Allison over to the waiting car but she instead turned back to Neil. 

“Neil,” she started, giving him a critical look. “Make sure Andrew approves of what you’re wearing to the wedding. He has much better fashion sense than you do.”

Neil heard a huff next to him and turned to see Andrew had walked over to his side.

“Fuck off, Allison,” Andrew said as she got in the car. 

Allison just smiled and flipped him off as the door shut.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Neil asked.

“Nothing,” Andrew said as he walked over to the other waiting van. “Except you do tend to wear things a size too big.”

“Are we talking about Neil’s wardrobe that is in dire need of an upgrade?” Nicky asked as they hopped in the back of the van. “Because I can help with that.”

“My clothes are fine,” Neil insisted.

“I don’t think you know the meaning of that word,” Andrew said.

“”I’m not an idiot.”

“Debatable.”

“Well you’re a-”

“Stop with the weird flirting,” moaned Kevin from the front row of seats. “Or I’ll need to find vodka.”

“You definitely don’t need vodka,” Thea said with a pat to Kevin’s back.

“We aren’t flirting,” Neil said as he crossed his arms and took to ignoring them all. Because they weren’t, were they?

The others laughed and Neil forced down a small smile. His friends were annoying sometimes but he really did enjoy being around them.

* * *

The next day Neil and Andrew met Kevin and Thea in the lobby around noon. They were still waiting on the others as Aaron and Katelyn weren’t ready yet and Nicky and Erik had gone to breakfast outside the hotel when Neil heard a familiar voice.

“O Captain, my Captain!” Kylee cried out as she stepped out of the elevator with Chelsea and Gino on her heels. 

“Now the headache begins,” Kevin grumbled before turning to face their teammates. 

“Headache?” Thea muttered to Kevin before the others were close enough to overhear. “You were giving them high praise last night when telling me about your chances in the spring.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kevin said as he folded his arms across his chest.

Neil couldn’t help but laugh at the image of Kevin drunkenly praising his team to Thea and Kevin quickly turned around to glare at him.

“Hello,” said Chelsea as they made it over. “Have you all been enjoying New York?”

“I was,” Kevin answered.

“How was your flight?” Neil asked.

“It was good,” said Gino. “We didn’t get in until yesterday afternoon though so besides a quick dinner we haven’t explored any of the city yet.”

Kevin cleared his throat. “Kylee, Chelsea, Gino, meet Thea Muldani.”

“Hi!” Kylee said as she stepped forward and held out her hand to shake Thea’s. “It’s so great to finally meet you. I’ve been looking forward to this for a while now.”

“So Kevin tells me,” Thea said as she grasped Kylee’s hand. 

Kylee flushed a bit at that and shot a look at Kevin, probably wondering if he had told Thea exactly how much she had pestered him into setting up their lunch today. 

Aaron and Katelyn chose that moment to enter the lobby and come over. Chelsea and Gino hugged Katelyn while Thea gestured to the door.

“Kylee and I have a ride waiting outside. We will meet up with you all later?”

“Give me a call when you’re done,” Kevin said. 

Thea nodded and walked towards the door but Kylee turned back and exchanged an excited thumbs up with Chelsea and Gino before leaving.

“What’s the plan for today?” Katelyn asked.

“We're going to the Met,” Kevin declared. “Nicky said him and Erik would meet us there.”

“We’ll join you too, if you don’t mind,” Chelsea said as Gino nodded in agreement. 

“Sure. Lets go.”

They ended up taking the subway to get there. Katelyn was the only one who had been to New York before and had to show everyone how to put money on a Metro card. Neil had travelled enough places to be familiar with how it worked but let her show him anyways so he didn’t have to explain how he knew.

Once they made it back above ground and were inside the Met, Kevin trailed off without a word. Andrew went to follow him and without knowing where else to go, Neil went after them both. 

They silently followed Kevin through the various exhibits, passing by Ancient Egyptian art complete with sarcophaguses and old excavated stone carved with hieroglyphs, a large space full of huge sculptures, and even rooms full of old armor and weapons. It was in this last exhibit that Kevin seemed to stop and read every single plaque and sign. 

Andrew and Neil were trailing behind him when Neil caught Andrew examining the case full of old rusted swords.

“Some of those look almost as big as you,” Neil observed.

“The same applies to you,” Andrew said, sounding bored.

“Closer to your height though.”

Andrew knocked his shoulder against Neil’s and walked away while Neil gained his balance back. He forced down a laugh as he went over to instead badger Kevin.

They eventually caught up with the others when Kevin led them to the American painters exhibit. The portraits tended to unnerve Neil, so lifelike it seemed that the people long dead were staring right out at him as he walked through the room. The landscapes caught his eye though. It was odd, being in a place like this. His mother never took him to any tourist sites or landmarks or museums when they were traveling so just being able to wander around without urgency and view these things was novel in a way.

The group eventually decided to leave and find some café to grab coffee from, though Kevin probably would have been fine if they had remained there for the rest of the day.

Neil ordered tea and grabbed a table while the others finished ordering their own drinks. Once they were all seated, Nicky started listing off different restaurants he wanted to try. He was in the middle of arguing with Aaron over the merits of two different pizza joints when his phone rang.

Nicky almost knocked his coffee off the table in his haste to fish his phone out of his pocket but thankfully Erik was watching and moved it out of the way just in time.

“Hello,” Nicky said as he answered the call. “Oh, hi Roland! How was your flight? Good, good. Well we were just making dinner plans but haven’t decided anything yet. Oh he does? Sure I’ll ask everyone here and let you know. See ya!”

Nicky hung up and looked at the others. “Roland called. Him and Jake just landed and he says Jake knows of a great restaurant back closer to Times Square. We can go there if you want since Chelsea, Gino, and Kylee won’t have seen that area yet.”

“That works for us,” Gino said as Chelsea agreed.

“Sure,” Katelyn said and Aaron shrugged when Nicky looked at him.

“I’ll text Thea and tell her and Kylee to meet us over there,” Kevin said.

“Andrew?” Nicky asked.

Andrew looked up from his mocha. “No.”

“What do you mean no?” Nicky questioned, smile faltering.

“Exactly what I said.”

“Come on, Jake isn’t that bad. Are you really going to be petty and avoid them?”

“I’m tired,” Neil spoke up, interrupting Nicky as he began to protest again when Andrew didn’t respond. “Andrew said he’d go back with me and we’ll just get room service.”

“You aren’t feeling sick, are you?” Kevin asked as he quickly turned to Neil. “You can’t risk getting sick before spring championships.”

“I’m not dying Kevin,” Neil rolled his eyes. “I’m just tired.”

“Can you blame him?” Gino asked with faux concern. “He’s spent the last straight week with you Cap. No wonder he needs a break.”

Kevin tossed his balled up napkin at Gino and hit him square between the eyes. “I’ll make you run laps when we get back to practice, Gino. Mark my words.”

Gino snickered in the face of that threat and Kevin let it go. 

After a while the others headed out and Andrew and Neil headed back in the direction of the hotel. 

Once they made it back to their room, Andrew glanced through the room service menu before tossing it to Neil. 

“Pick what you want,” he said.

Andrew called up room service once Neil had decided on his order and after disappeared into the bathroom. 

Neil was reclined on the couch flipping through TV channels when Andrew came out, freshly showered with his damp hair curling slightly at the ends. For some reason Neil couldn’t look away.

“Do you like cartoons?” Andrew asked a few moments later.

“What?” Neil said, confused.

Andrew straightened up from where he was putting clothes in his bag and gestured at the TV.

Neil looked back to see he had stopped on some kids' cartoon channel in his distraction. He quickly went back to flipping through the channels and kept his gaze glued to the screen.

The doorbell rang and a man set down a tray on the table before leaving. Neil got up to grab his plate and retreated back to the couch with it. 

They were quiet as they ate, concentrating more on their food instead of the TV in the background. 

After he was finished, Andrew put his plate back on the table and went over to open the balcony doors. A cool breeze flowed into the room and Neil pulled a sweatshirt on before joining him outside.

Andrew already had an extra cigarette lit by the time Neil got out there, which he felt oddly happy about. It was a different feeling to have someone know him that well, to understand the little things.

The evening sun had disappeared behind the skyscraper filled horizon but its last few rays were still painting the sky in light streaks of color, a last attempt at brightness before the night took over. In the past, Neil and his mother had used cities like this to hide, to evade, to run. To remain anonymous among the vast amounts of people going about their daily lives in between the crowded streets and tall buildings. To be here now in a city so big but to not be hiding, to be here with people who knew him, or knew most of him, was so utterly new that it was unsettling. But at the same time, almost contradictory but also not, he felt content, as if his friends knowing him, knowing Neil Josten, made all the difference. Made it so running didn’t have to be his concern anymore. Instead he belonged. 

Neil looked over at Andrew and watched as the last light from the sun trailed along his face before slowly fading away. That word, that concept, that feeling of belonging wouldn’t get out of his head. 

“Why did you lie for me?” Andrew asked, breaking the silence between them along with breaking Neil out of his thoughts.

Neil carefully flipped the cigarette over and over between his fingers. “I didn’t mind not going to dinner. And Nicky was just going to keep pestering you about it. Why didn’t you want to go?”

Andrew let out a plume of smoke and his eyes tracked it as it dissipated in the air. “You heard what Nicky said.”

“Yes,” Neil said. Andrew remained silent. “I don’t believe everything that I hear others say about you. I’d rather hear it directly from you.”

Andrew looked over at him and blew smoke in his direction. “Last time I saw him, Jake obviously felt as if I was a threat to his relationship with Roland. And if he hasn’t changed he will probably be doubtful of us really dating just because he didn’t want to believe it when I first lied about it either. He’s stupid and annoying. I’d rather not deal with him more than we will be forced to tomorrow.”

“All right,” Neil said. “We should see how long we can avoid him tomorrow. Might make the evening more interesting.”

Andrew shook his head slightly as he leaned his arms across the balcony railing, taking another drag from his cigarette. Neil copied his posture and looked down. He didn’t understand how Andrew could be afraid of falling, could hate being up so high, but kept getting drawn back to places like this. 

“Neil,” Andrew said. “Is there something going on with Riko?”

Neil froze momentarily, then forced himself not to react and stubbed out his cigarette. He was out of practice in not giving away what he was thinking, too much time now with people he mostly trusted on a campus that was mostly safe. He wasn’t sure if Andrew would have noticed his slight hesitation from out of the corner of his eye though. 

“What do you mean?” Neil asked, not willing to outright lie to Andrew.

“I mean is there more going on that you haven’t mentioned?” Andrew tossed his cigarette to the ground and turned to face Neil. “Riko is a prick and likes to throw his money around, but you said he wouldn’t be a problem for you. But you still panicked after the fact and didn’t mention it to Matt and Dan, your best friends who you talk to every week. Am I seeing things where there is nothing or is something else going on?”

Neil avoided Andrew’s gaze. He hadn’t lied to Andrew yet and he didn’t want to start now. Didn’t want to start ever. But what would Andrew say if he told him the truth? That the thought of Riko remembering who he was, that he had been Nathaniel, terrified him? Because if Riko connected it any further, found out why he disappeared or why his past has some holes or that he was in WITSEC, he would be one step away from connecting him to the Wesninski name. Neil wanted nothing more than to burn all record of that name, to pretend it never existed and never had a hold on him, so knowing Riko held the strings to tie him to it made him feel foolish and angry and itching to run. He should have never spoken up to him at the banquet but Neil’s problem had always been his temper and sharp tongue. He had talked back to Lola and his father; by rights talking back to Riko shouldn’t have worse consequences than that had. But would it?

Neil gripped the balcony railing and watched his scarred knuckles turn white, further reminders of what his past was capable of. Andrew held the secrets to many of his scars now and hadn’t turned away, but the weight of his real name would drown anyone, felt like it would drown him some days, and he would run before he let it affect any of those he had come to see as family and friends since he’d become Neil Josten. He wouldn’t lie, not to Andrew, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth either.

“I can’t answer,” Neil said, voice barely above a whisper. He could feel Andrew’s gaze still on him.

“Why not?” Andrew asked, voice flat and emotionless, like he didn’t care either way. But Neil knew by now that Andrew wouldn’t ask if he didn’t care to hear the answer. 

“I told you once and I’ll tell you again. I don’t want to lie to you, but I can’t give you the truth on this. Don’t make me choose.”

Andrew continued to stare at him for another minute before turning back to face the open air and Neil breathed a little easier. They were silent for a while and after a few minutes Neil looked over to see Andrew staring down to the still busy street below, people leaving the hotel to go out for the night, some coming back in from busy days and long dinners, cars rushing by and honking at each other. He didn’t think it was the people Andrew was observing though. 

“Will you tell me if it becomes a problem?” Andrew asked, not tearing his eyes away from the drop.

Neil thought about that, about what he would do if Riko really _did_ become a problem. That would mean he would discover his past, maybe threaten to reveal it. Neil had no idea what he would do if faced with that and he really didn’t want to think about the possibility. If his identity was found to be fake and he needed to disappear again, would he tell Andrew? The others? He would want to. He wouldn’t want to leave them and he would want them, want Andrew, to remember him.

Neil bent the truth and answered, “Yes.”

That seemed to satisfy Andrew because he went back inside. Neil remained outside for a bit longer, trying to get ahold of his thoughts. When had things got this complicated? What would his mother say now if she saw him here, at some fancy well known hotel in a big city, on the verge of a possible high profile career in Exy, trading secrets with a man with his own dark past that had somehow done what Neil had thought impossible and wormed his way into his mind, his thoughts, his _wants_? Actually, he didn’t need to ask what she would say. He knew.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had time to respond to comments on the last chapter since I've been busy finishing up this chapter, but know that I appreciate them very much :) and yes, I know this wedding ceremony probably isn't very accurate to how it would happen in real life but I'm no wedding expert so I hope you enjoy it regardless. also major thanks to my beta Kit for helping me fix up this chapter, I'm not sure what I would be doing without your advice on this fic

Andrew had just finished pulling on his suit jacket when he heard the bathroom door open. He turned around and was greeted with the sight of a frowning Neil as he fumbled with his tie. He couldn’t help the way his eyes trailed Neil up and down, admiring how good he looked in his suit. At least Neil was too distracted to notice.

“Andrew?” Neil asked, walking over to him. “Can you help me with this?”

Andrew swallowed and reached out, brushing Neil’s hands away so he could fix the tie himself. He had it tied in a few seconds, but making himself let go was harder. He wanted nothing more than to yank the tie to pull Neil closer and kiss him, but he made himself take a step away. 

Neil’s eyes met his and for a moment he thought he made the wrong decision, that Neil had been hoping for the same thing. Then Neil cleared his throat and he pushed the thought away.

“Ready?” Neil asked, grabbing his suit jacket from where he had left it on the bed. 

Andrew nodded and followed him out the door and downstairs to the lobby, annoyed with how often he found his eyes straying back to Neil’s form.

The others were already waiting in the lobby, Kevin explaining something to Thea while she watched on in amusement, Nicky with an arm around Erik’s waist, Aaron whispering in Katelyn’s ear while she laughed. 

When they saw Andrew and Neil headed their way, Nicky gestured towards the front doors. “Car’s waiting outside. We don’t want to be late!”

Everyone hurried out of the hotel to pile into the car and it quickly took off. It was about a twenty minute drive to reach the church and the driver pulled up right in front to drop them off.

The Christian church Renee had picked out for her wedding was small and simple, all old style architecture and a small set of steps leading to the front doors. Andrew might think the concept of religion was a waste of time, but he knew how important it was to Renee, and how happy she was to find a church willing to hold their ceremony. 

They entered the church and were quietly led to the front. Bouquets of flowers in every color lined the pews and the altar, which reminded Andrew of Renee’s rainbow tipped hair. They ended up seated in the second row on the right. Renee’s mother Stephanie Walker was seated in the first row and turned around to greet them, along with Abby and Bee. Andrew saw Allison’s parents were also seated in the front row but on the left side of the church.

“Hello Andrew,” Bee said as she turned in her seat to see him. “How are you?”

“Good, Bee. How was your flight?”

“Uneventful,” she replied with a smile, before turning her attention on Neil. “It’s nice to see you too, Neil. Have you enjoyed your winter break so far?”

Andrew noticed the way Neil didn’t quite meet Bee’s eyes and the tension in his shoulders. He’d have to ask about that later.

“Yes,” Neil said, obviously not going to elaborate any further.

Bee looked from Neil to Andrew and raised an eyebrow. Her accompanying smirk told him exactly what she was asking and he rolled his eyes. He caught her smile widen as she turned away. Sometimes he hated how well Bee could read him and how he couldn’t hide anything from her. 

A few more groups of people filtered into the church and then the music started. Renee had told Andrew that even though the reception was going to be big on account of Allison’s growing fame and her parents’ involvement, they had decided to keep the ceremony at the church much smaller, filled only with their family and closest friends.

Matt and Dan came down the aisle first, Dan in a pale orange dress and Matt with a matching colored tie. They took their places at the altar, Dan stepping off towards their side of the room in the position of Renee’s maid of honor and Matt on the left side as Allison’s man of honor. 

“All rise for the brides,” the Minister said from the front of the room. The music subtly picked up and Renee and Allison started walking towards the altar, both in white dresses and being escorted by Wymack who stood between them. Allison had personally designed both of their dresses and it showed, Allison’s form fitting and full of lace while Renee’s was more simple but elegant and streamlined with a high neckline. 

Renee and Allison both exchanged hugs with Wymack before he went to his seat next to Abby and they stepped up in front of the Minister. 

“Please be seated.”

Everyone took their seats and the Minister began talking about what they were gathered here today to witness, along with saying a prayer for the service. Andrew didn’t pay much attention to the words until the man started to directly address Renee. 

“Renee Walker,” the Minister started, “do you take Allison Reynolds to be your wife? Do you promise to love her, respect her as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat, and keep her beside you as long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” Renee answered in her soft voice.

“Allison Reynolds, do you take Renee Walker to be your wife? Do you promise to love her, respect her as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat, and keep her beside you as long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” said Allison, voice ringing out in the silent church. 

“Now you may recite your wedding vows.”

Allison and Renee turned and with the way they stared at one another, it was obvious they weren’t paying attention to anything else in the room.

"You know me better than anyone else in this world,” Renee began, reaching out to grab Allison’s hands. “All parts of me, past and present, dark and light, and you’ve never once turned away. You are my best friend and one true love. So I promise to be there for you, in cold winter mornings to warm you, on soft springs to watch our love grow, in our summers to play in the light of the sun, and in our autumn to kiss your fingers and say, it has all been worth it, everything I endured to reach this point and my forever with you.”

Renee’s voice stayed strong throughout her vow but Allison still reached up when she was done to wipe away a tear with her finger.

“I’ve always had goals, aspirations, things I wanted to do,” Allison started, lowering her hand. “But when I met you, I learned what it was to dream. To dream of something bigger than myself. And most importantly, you taught me to dream of those things I had once thought out of my reach, and showed me how to make them a reality. I owe the best parts of myself to you, for bringing them out in me by shining them with your light, and I vow to do my best in return. I promise to be with you always, to wipe away tears of sadness, to elicit tears of joy, and to cry out to everyone who will listen how much I love you, for now and forever.”

Their eyes were still shining when the Minister spoke up. “The rings, please.”

Dan came over first and handed the ring she was holding to Renee. Allison held out her hand and Renee slid the ring onto her finger. Allison got the ring Matt was holding and put in on Renee’s finger. 

The Minister recited a final prayer and then acknowledged them both. “You may now kiss your bride.”

Renee and Allison both stepped forward and met in the middle. The gathered crowd stood and clapped, Nicky giving out a whoop that had the room laughing and Allison and Renee giggling as they pulled apart.

“It is now my privilege to introduce Mrs. and Mrs. Reynolds-Walker,” the Minister finished.

Renee and Allison were both beaming as they stepped down from the altar and walked down the aisle, smiling at their guests and holding each other’s hands. Dan and Matt followed them out with the front rows moving behind them. 

The sidewalk outside the church was crowded as everyone gathered around Renee and Allison to congratulate them. Andrew stayed on the outskirts, not wanting to stand in the crowd and knowing he’d have time later to talk to Renee more privately.

Neil came over from where he was with Dan and Matt to tell him their ride was here and he followed him to the waiting vehicle.

Back at the hotel, cars were everywhere as people arrived for the reception and were led to the second floor hall. Andrew followed his group into the room and saw what Renee had been talking about when she said Allison had been busy bossing the staff around. The room was like an enhanced version of the church, flowers in bundles of every color, white cloth covered tables and chairs throughout the room, glittering drapes lining the walls. The contrasting simplicity and vibrancy and elegancy was the best description of Renee and Allison themselves.

Matt and Dan had seats at the front table with the brides and their families, but led Andrew’s group to the table nearest it. Everyone found where their nameplate was and sat in the indicated seat.

“What’s the J stand for?” Neil asked as they sat down, looking at where Andrew J Minyard was written on his nameplate. 

“Joseph,” Andrew said. He looked at Neil’s to find it only read Neil Josten. “Do you have a middle name?”

Neil picked up his card and looked at his name written on it, spinning it around in his hands while he thought. After he put it down he leaned in close to Andrew.

“Abram,” he whispered in Andrew’s ear.

The way he said it sounded like a confession, as if the name was another one of Neil’s closely guarded secrets that he had so little experience in giving away. Andrew nodded when Neil leaned away, his way of acknowledging that it was a truth he would keep.

Once everyone had found their seats, Renee and Allison came in to applause and cheers from the crowd and sat down at the front table. 

Wymack stood up and grabbed his glass. “Before dinner is served, I’d like to make a toast. As you girls know from countless Exy games, speeches are not my thing. But for you I’ll actually try for once. Allison and Renee, from the moment I began to recruit you I knew I was making the right decision. You’ve both overcome so many challenges in your lives and your continued strength inspires me everyday and keeps me believing in what I’m doing at Palmetto. I’m so happy for the role the Foxes played in you meeting each other and know that even if you are no longer on my court, I’m still here as your Coach. So cheers to you, Allison and Renee.”

Wymack tipped his glass to them as the rest of the room did likewise with the champagne glasses on the tables. Wymack sat down and with the toast done, servers immediately appeared with plates of food.

Dinner lasted a while, with multiple courses being brought out and the room growing loud with overlapping conversations at every table. When all the plates were finally cleared, Dan and Matt each gave a speech filled with anecdotes of their time at Palmetto with Renee and Allison, some that made Wymack shake his head and some that had the Foxes in attendance laughing in remembrance. 

Speeches done, Allison stood up and held out her hand to Renee. Renee’s smile was soft but bright as she followed Allison to the open space in the middle of the room. Slow music started playing as the two wrapped their arms around each other and began their first dance. 

The guests all watched as the two danced and exchanged smiles and quiet whispers with each other, slowly swaying to the music. When the song was about to end, Andrew tapped Neil’s elbow to get his attention and gestured towards the side of the room. Neil didn’t look to comprehend what Andrew was suggesting but he nodded anyways and followed Andrew as he got up and made his way over to the closest bar. The music ended and gave away to clapping as the guests got up to either join in dancing or mingle with each other. By the time they made it to the bar, it wasn’t crowded yet. 

“Whiskey,” Andrew told the bartender. The bartender nodded and went to pour his drink.

“Want anything?” he asked Neil.

“No, I’m fine,” Neil said, his eyes on the crowd.

Andrew nodded and grabbed his drink before moving out of the way of the bar since people were starting to crowd around it. 

He leaned against the wall and sipped his whiskey, Neil by his side, as he spotted Aaron and Nicky talking to Abby and Bee and watched as Kevin approached. 

“Neil,” Kevin said, vodka already in hand. “There’s a few professional Exy players here tonight that Thea will introduce us to later. It’ll be good for you to get your name out so if their teams end up looking to recruit you next year they remember you.”

“All right,” Neil nodded.

“Is one of those Jeremy Knox?” Andrew asked, straightening up.

“Yeah,” Kevin said, not able to entirely hide the eagerness in his voice. “Why do you ask?”

“At least watching you act like a starstruck fan will be mildly entertaining tonight.”

“I do not -”

“Kevin!” yelled Jeremy Knox as he made his way across the room, a tall darker haired man at his side.

“Jeremy!” Kevin exclaimed as he quickly turned around, vodka spilling down his hand with the sudden movement. 

“Way to prove me right,” Andrew muttered under his breath.

Neil let out a small laugh at that and Andrew could tell from the way Kevin twitched that he held himself back from turning around to glare at Andrew.

“It’s great to see you, Kevin!” Jeremy said as he embraced him. He stepped back and gestured to the man beside him. “This is my boyfriend, Jean.”

Jean gave Kevin a nod which Kevin jerkily returned.

“Jeremy, this is Andrew and Neil, I don’t think you’ve met them yet.”

“I don’t think I have. It’s great to meet any friends of Kevin’s.” Jeremy held out his hand but only Neil stepped forward to shake it. Jeremy didn’t seem to mind that Andrew made no move to.

“So Kevin,” Jeremy beamed. “I heard you had a meeting with the New York Hawks. Are they a serious contender in recruiting you?”

Andrew shouldn’t have been surprised that the evening was bound to dissolve into Exy talk eventually. He didn’t listen to their conversation as Kevin had already explained his options to him in detail when asking for advice and instead looked around for Renee. He saw her making to move away from a group of people a few tables away and caught her eye. She nodded towards a quiet corner of the room and he downed his whiskey before setting the empty glass on a nearby table.

“Mrs. Reynolds-Walker,” Andrew said as he approached her. “How does it feel to be tied to another person for the rest of your life?”

“Wonderful,” Renee smiled sweetly. “How does it feel to be so cynical about relationships when your boyfriend is just across the room?”

Nice to know Renee hadn’t changed a bit, that there was still something sharp under that Christian girl exterior.

“It’s not being cynical if it’s the truth,” he responded.

Renee shook her head. “You’ve always been good at lying to yourself, Andrew. Now answer me this truthfully, are you happy?”

There were few people Andrew would entertain a pointless question like this from, and it unfortunately happened that Renee was one of them. He sighed and leaned against the wall, looking over Renee’s shoulder and spotting Neil where he was caught up in a conversation with Kevin, Jeremy, and Thea, hands moving and a light in his eyes that said he was excitedly discussing some Exy play or the like. 

Was he happy? No, not when looking at Neil reminded him that their deal ended today, after the wedding was done. Not when he thought of Neil leaving him as the deal passed, then Kevin to go play Exy, then Nicky to Germany and Aaron to med school. But did it have to be that way? Andrew could keep in contact with Kevin and watch his games if he could lower himself to it, Nicky was only ever a phone call away and had told him he had to visit multiple times already, and Aaron, despite everything between them, was too determined to give up on Andrew and he could do his part to maintain that bond too. His family may be leaving but they weren’t _leaving_ , not if he could help it.

But what about Neil? If Andrew reached out and tried to keep him from leaving, asked him to stay, what would he say? Would he be shocked to learn Andrew didn’t want this just to be fake, but wanted it to be real? Or would he understand and say yes? The thought of asking Neil to stay set his heart beating as if he was standing on the roof, toes over the edge and rocking on his heels, daring himself to lean forward and tempt fate. Was this a risk he was willing to take, a risk worth falling over that edge for?

He dragged his gaze back to Renee. “Not particularly,” he answered truthfully. “But I might be.”

Renee gave him a slight smile that showed her understanding of what he was saying.

“Are you happy?” he asked in return.

“I am,” she said, staring down at the ring now adorning her finger. “For a long time I thought a life like this wasn’t something attainable for me, wasn’t something I would ever deserve. But here I am. If I could go from where I started and despite all odds make it to this moment, I have faith that you too have it in you to make it to a place where you are happy, Andrew. Happy and content with your life. You just have to believe in it too.”

Andrew didn’t respond to that, didn’t have the words, but he nodded, accepting what Renee had said. She came over and held out her hands, and when he nodded again, she gave both of his shoulders a slight squeeze.

“Now I have to go entertain more guests and track down my wife,” Renee smirked. “Don’t drink the bar dry.”

“No promises,” Andrew said as she walked away. 

He made his way back over to the bar to grab another drink before committing himself to the inevitability of tolerating more Exy talk. For the next hour and a half he trailed after Kevin, Thea, and Neil as Thea spotted other players in the crowd to introduce the pair to, though Kevin was rarely in need of a real introduction. Andrew remained on the outskirts of the conversations, only really talking when Neil turned away from the conversation at hand to speak to him.

After Thea had introduced them to every player at the reception, they retreated back to one of the bars set up on the sides of the room. Andrew had just gotten another whiskey when he heard Nicky, who had joined them at the bar along with Erik, Aaron, and Katelyn, yell out to Roland. 

“Roland! Jake!” Nicky called out. “What do you want?”

Andrew moved out of the way so Nicky could take his place at the bar to order their drinks. 

“Hi Andrew,” Roland greeted, usual grin in place. “We missed you at dinner last night.”

Andrew took a sip of his drink instead of answering.

Roland turned to Neil. “And hello, Neil. They said you were sick. Feeling better now?”

“Not sick, just tired,” Neil shrugged. “Traveling does that to me.”

Andrew almost huffed at a laugh at that lie since Neil was easily the most familiar with traveling out of all of them.

“Neil,” said Jake, stepping forward. “I’m Jake. We haven’t had the chance to meet yet.”

Jake held out his hand and instead of hesitating to shake it like Andrew had expected, Neil gave it a quick, disinterested shake and turned back to face Andrew.

“So what did you think of Roberts?” Neil asked him. “Playing for Denver one day might be fun.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow at Neil for the cold shoulder he’d just given Jake but Neil didn’t react, instead waiting for his answer. 

“I think your definition of fun is different than mine.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Neil smiled.

His smile caught Andrew so off guard that he paused in raising his glass to his lips, eyes locked on Neil.

“Either way,” Neil continued, as if oblivious, “Maybe you could come with me to visit. See if we like the city.”

Andrew’s thoughts stuttered for a brief moment as his mind registered what Neil was asking. Neil wanted him to visit a city he may move to in the future? With him? To see if they both liked it? 

His thoughts snapped back into place a second later as he realized what Neil was doing. His antagonistic side had come out to play it seemed. Judging from the startled look on both Roland and Kevin’s faces when Andrew glanced to the side and the annoyed look on Jake’s, Neil’s attempt at pretending they were that serious about the future had worked. 

Andrew made himself ignore the slight, pointless disappointment that crept up at the realization that Neil was pretending, that him offering Andrew a chance to be in his future was just a part of this game they were caught in. He had no one to blame but himself for making this deal with Neil, for asking him to do exactly this.

Andrew tossed back the rest of his drink and leveled a look on Neil, ignoring the stares of the others. “I hate the cold almost as much as I hate you. How about somewhere warmer?”

Andrew could tell by the mischief lighting up Neil’s eyes that he was entertained that he’d gotten Andrew to play along. 

“Did that just happen?” he heard Nicky whisper from off to the side. 

“I think so,” Katelyn whispered back to him.

“Well,” Neil started, “We could also go see-”

“Now, don’t you think you’re getting a bit ahead of yourselves here?”

The approaching voice made Andrew freeze. He saw Neil’s eyes widen as he looked over Andrew’s shoulder but what really affirmed to Andrew that his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him was the way Kevin tensed up, alarm in his eyes and breath caught in his lungs.

Andrew crossed his arms as he turned to face Riko Moriyama of all people, fingers resting on the edges of his sleeves where his knives lay underneath. 

“Kevin must be filling your mind with delusions if you think you’ll ever get to the pros, Neil,” Riko said, fake grin flashing as his hungry eyes moved from Neil to Kevin. 

“Riko,” Andrew said as he pulled Neil a step back so both him and Kevin would be in his eyesight. “I think you may be lost. Do you need me to show you the way out?”

“Me? Lost? Look around you. I think I fit in here more than you ever will, Doe.”

“How did you even make it in?” Aaron asked angrily, though Katelyn yanking on his arm prevented him from taking a step forward. 

Riko flicked Aaron a disinterested look before turning his attention back to Andrew. “As I told you last time, Doe, names can be powerful things and can get you anywhere. Did you know Ichirou was invited tonight because of his business with Reynolds’ brand? He’s out of the country on a business trip but one Moriyama is the same as any other.”

“Pretty sure that doesn’t apply to you, as the real Moriyamas want nothing to do with you,” Neil spat out.

Riko’s jaw twitched but he fixed his gaze on Kevin instead of Neil. “As entertaining as talking to the rabble is, I’m here for you, Kevin. I heard you met with the Hawks the other day? Not a good fit for you. You need a team with a strong leader if you’re to make it anywhere in the pros. You just aren’t cut out for being the leader of a team yourself.” Riko shook his head as if disheartened by his claim. “But I have a solution. Come with me and sign for the LA Cardinals. And then we can-”

Neil’s sharp laughter cut Riko off mid-speech, the sound at odds with the smile Neil had turned on Andrew just minutes ago.

“You think Kevin would ever say yes to playing on the same team as you again?” he asked incredulously. “And you say Kevin is the delusional one. You should really worry about yourself more if you honestly think Kevin needs a ‘strong leader’ to play under when he’s currently leading the Foxes to a championship right now.”

Riko sighed and looked back to Neil, pity on his face. “That desperate for attention then, are you? It’s ok. We can talk about you, _Neil_ , just remember you asked for this.”

“Why are we even listening to him?” Nicky asked. “I’m going to get Allison. She’ll handle this.”

Andrew heard Nicky walk off but he didn’t let his gaze leave Riko. Something about Riko’s tone was setting warning bells off in his head. 

“Where to begin?” Riko drawled as he eyed Neil. “Remember when I told you certain people were very helpful in looking into Andrew’s past for me? Well, for the right price they were able to look for me again, this time into you. And you’ll never guess the crazy coincidences that were uncovered. You see, one of these investigators I hired, he just happens to be a retired US Marshall. You know, worked in Witness Protection?” Andrew felt Neil tense up beside him. “WITSEC created backgrounds, very strong he said. But for someone who spent years creating them, certain patterns can stand out. Imagine my surprise when after that realization, a memory came back from years and years ago. A memory of a quick, red headed boy that used to play Exy with me. What was his name, _Neil_? Care to enlighten us?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Neil said, but his voice wasn’t strong or angry anymore. It was wavering, vulnerable, obvious to everyone standing there.

“Oh I think you do, _Nathaniel_.”

Neil flinched at the name, taking a half step back. 

Andrew felt anger start to line his veins as he remembered Neil’s confession at the airport, that he was afraid of Nathaniel. He had meant his past, that name, himself. Dammit. He’d warned Neil that something like this might happen after what he did at the banquet.

Andrew took a step forward to shut Riko up for good but he stilled at a hand grasping his arm. He twisted around to see Neil staring at him, fear in his eyes as he shook his head. His fear was obvious: not only the fear of the truth being out, but the fear that Riko wouldn’t hesitate to spill it to anyone and everyone who would listen. Part of the anger building inside Andrew became directed at himself at that. Neil should have never stood up for him at the banquet. Riko wouldn’t have had reason to dig into Neil’s past if it wasn’t for Andrew.

“Oh look,” Riko said. “The guard dog has been collared. No wonder it took a criminal to do it. Because that’s what you are, right Nathaniel? What did you do when you disappeared all those years ago and somehow ended up in Witness Protection? Did you see something you weren’t supposed to? Join a gang? Kill someone? Maybe you can collar Doe because your crimes take more after that of Does’s foster brother? Tell me, Nathaniel, do they lower themselves to protecting people like that if you have good enough information to exchange with them? I bet you even-”

Andrew was just about to yank out of Neil’s grip, consequences be damned, for Riko daring to speak about _him_ with his family around and insinuating that Neil could ever be anything like that, when suddenly someone was standing between him and Riko. He heard a crack as Kevin’s fist connected with Riko’s face, quickly followed by a cry as Riko stumbled to the ground, holding his nose as it started gushing blood.

“Holy fuck,” Aaron said as they all watched Kevin stare down at Riko.

“How dare-” Riko started to say, words muffled.

“Don’t you _ever_ talk about my friends like that again,” Kevin interrupted, an anger filling his words that Andrew had never heard before. “I may have been too scared to speak against you in the past, but you’ve crossed a line this time. You don’t think I know enough about how you throw around your money to bribe people and pay people off from our years together? Even think of talking to any of us or about any of us again and I’ll make you regret it.”

Kevin was shaking as he stared down at Riko, who in turn was staring at Kevin in shock like he’d never seen him before. In fact, they all were staring at Kevin a little like that, as he had finally grown a spine and stood up to Riko like they all knew he could but didn’t know if he’d ever find the courage to. 

“Kevin!” Thea cried out as she took in the scene and ran over to him. She wrapped her arms around him and he immediately deflated, all the anger leaving him as he leaned on her, but he didn’t revert back to fear and anxiety like he would have in the past. Instead he turned in Thea’s arms and met Andrew’s eyes.

“What the hell is going on here?” yelled Allison as she stomped over, Nicky, Matt, Dan, Renee, and of course the younger three Foxes on her heels. She stopped inches from where Riko was still on the ground and glared down at him. If looks could kill, he would have burned. 

“How the fuck did this piece of scum get in here?” she asked. 

Security guards, probably from the hotel, came running over.

“Pick him up,” Allison demanded.

The guards grabbed Riko by the arms and forced him to stand.

“You can’t-” Riko started.

“Don’t you dare fucking speak,” Allison hissed. “I would punch you myself if I wasn’t wearing my wedding dress right now. Guards,” she said, addressing the men. “Please toss this trash out on the street in the most legal yet undignified fashion you can manage. And make sure to draw lots of attention. People deserve to know how unwanted this one is.”

“Don’t touch me,” Riko hissed, though the words were distorted by his broken nose. “I am a Moriyama. I am allowed to be here.”

The guards ignored Riko’s demands as they dragged him out of the room, all the guests watching the commotion. 

Their group stood silent when Riko finally disappeared from the room. They eventually all turned towards each other and Dan spoke up first.

“Someone mind telling me how Riko managed to get in here? And who socked him?”

“By throwing around his name,” Aaron said in answer to Dan’s first question. “And Kevin.”

“Kevin!” Matt said in surprise as he turned to stare at him. “You punched Riko?”

Kevin nodded as Thea grabbed his hand to inspect it for damage.

Matt turned to Allison. “Please tell me you have security cameras in here somewhere so I can watch.”

Nicky snorted and the tension seemed to break around the circle from those who had just come over. The others still remained silent, not knowing how to move forward. Andrew looked at Neil, who was standing stone still and looked a moment away from panicking, and moved to usher him out of the room when, of course, Jake interrupted.

“Are we not going to talk about what Riko said about Nathaniel?” Jake said.

The older Foxes turned confused looks on him.

“Who’s Nathaniel?” Allison asked.

Jake gestured to Neil. 

“What are you talking about?” asked Dan.

“Jake,” warned Roland, grabbing his boyfriend’s arm and starting to tug him away.

Jake ignored him. “According to Riko, Neil Josten isn’t real. He’s Nathaniel, some kid in Witness Protection. I want to know who Nathaniel here really is and if he’s a danger to us. I’m not associating with a criminal.”

“Jake,” Roland warned more sternly while the others demanded to know why Jake would say something like that.

“Neil, buddy, tell him to shut up,” Matt said jokingly, voice filled with nervous laughter, in an attempt to lighten the situation.

Andrew sensed the moment Neil tipped from frozen to fight-or-flight mode, emphasis on flight. 

He started backing up slowly and Andrew reached out to grab his arm.

“Neil, don’t,” he said, but Neil flinched when his hand got close. Andrew stilled and watched as Neil stumbled backwards.

“I- I can’t-” Panic took over on Neil’s features as he turned and bolted for the exit.

“Wait, what?” Matt said, confusion painting his face. He took a step in the direction Neil had fled.

“Don’t,” Andrew bit out, the anger in his voice stopping Matt in his tracks. Anyone chasing after Neil with questions would not help right now. He turned towards Jake. “Roland, get him out of my sight or else.”

Jake started to speak but Aaron stepped forward, pulling out of Katelyn’s arms.

“Andrew, what did Riko mean about your foster brother? About crimes he committed?”

“Shut up, Aaron,” Andrew said. He couldn’t deal with this on top of everything else happening right now. He couldn’t deal with this ever.

“No,” Aaron said back. “Tell me what he meant. And what he meant about Neil or Nathaniel or whoever being able to collar you like that. I need-”

“Don’t accuse Neil of anything like that,” Andrew said, stepping forward as fury rose in him, clouding his mind. Neil would never even think of hurting him. Aaron had no fucking idea what he was talking about. Fuck Riko for ruining everything and spilling all their secrets.

“Andrew, it’s okay,” said Renee as she moved closer.

“No, it’s not okay,” Aaron insisted. “What would I be accusing him of? Does your boyfriend have something on you?”

Andrew tightened his grip on his forearms, feeling the shape of his knives under his sleeves. Aaron was staring at him as if Andrew’s _boyfriend_ was a problem, a threat. Instead the truth was that pretending to be Andrew’s boyfriend had only hurt Neil in the end. If they hadn’t been “dating” Neil would have never attracted Riko’s attention at the banquet, would never have had his past ripped open and secrets spilled for all to witness. And now Aaron was thinking Neil was at fault here? Andrew was done with this lying and faking. He had known this was bound to crash and burn.

“Whoa,” said Matt to Aaron. “Neil didn’t do anything wrong.”

Andrew ignored Matt and focused on his twin. “He’s not actually my boyfriend, Aaron. So he has nothing on me. Just drop it.”

Andrew let the words out, the truth of it all out, to shut down Aaron’s misplaced concern and misdirected accusations. He didn’t fully realize how the truth would affect everyone else though. They all stared at him as they tried to understand what he meant.

"Why would you say that?" asked Dan.

“You’ve been dating for weeks,” Kylee said hesitantly.

“But you…,” Aaron trailed off, brow furrowing in thought as he still stared at Andrew.

“What are you-” Nicky started, but was interrupted by Jake smugly saying, “I knew it.”

“What the fuck,” Allison stated as she glared at him.

Everyone’s attentions moved from Andrew to Jake momentarily as Roland pulled him away.

“Now, Jake,” Roland hissed as he dragged him away from the group.

“But why…” Aaron tried again.

Andrew turned and walked away. He wasn’t going to explain himself. They could figure out themselves what to make of that truth.

He heard a quick scuffle behind him and turned his head on instinct to see Kevin holding Aaron’s arm and saying something to him, preventing him from demanding more answers from Andrew. Renee stepped pass them but Andrew kept on walking. He was out of the room and in the hall when she caught up with him.

“Andrew, wait,” she said.

He stopped but didn’t look at her.

Renee moved in front of him and was silent. He knew that she was looking for answers, but his silence was all she needed to understand that what just happened hadn’t been a lie.

“Oh Andrew,” she said softly after a minute.

“I need to find Neil,” was all he said. After a moment she stepped out of his way. 

Andrew left her behind and made his way to the end of the hall, questions swirling around his head. Had part of him suspected Neil was in Witness Protection? All the clues were there. It explained perfectly how Neil had gone from running for his life to settled in Palmetto, parentless, independent. It didn’t make any difference to Andrew though. Neil had never lied to him about it, instead blatantly telling him not to push when Andrew had asked questions he now realized would only have been answered by him revealing he was in WITSEC.

He had to find Neil before he ran from his past catching up with him, from all that Andrew had inadvertently brought down upon him. He knew Neil well enough by now to know he would be considering it this very second, little rabbit that he was. For all that the people around him cared about him, he didn’t think Neil realized this secret wouldn’t change anything, that they all cared too much to look at him differently for it.

He couldn’t let that happen, couldn’t let Neil leave. He would tear the whole damn hotel down to find him if he had to. Dammit, he thought as he fought to keep a clear head as anger and loss and too many _feelings_ threatened to overwhelm his better judgement. He had known the crash was coming, but he still hadn’t been prepared.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, chapter 20! this will be the last main chapter of the story, but look out next week for an epilogue to wrap things up :)

Neil slammed the hotel room door behind him and flipped the latch into place. He gave himself one moment to lean against the door and catch his breath, his heart beating frantically over every inch of his skin, before he pushed forward and set his mind on the task in front of him.

Habits that he had foolishly thought he’d buried came back in an instant, instinct leading him as he crossed the room to begin shoving just the things he needed into his bag. He had too many clothes now, too many things, and would have to leave some behind so he could travel light. That was all right though; it wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before.

He ignored the shaking in his hands as he tossed a few water bottles from the mini fridge in his bag and zipped it shut. That was everything he would need for now. He could pick up other supplies later.

 _Run, run, run,_ his mind chanted at him, a fever pitch growing louder and louder. His skin felt too tight, his bones too big. He ripped off his suit jacket and loosened his tie but it didn’t help him breathe any easier. Everyone knew he was Nathaniel, that Neil was fake, that he wasn’t real. He could feel his past nipping at his heels and knew he couldn’t let it catch him. Him or the people here he had grown to care about.

Unbidden, memories crashed through his mind like the waves on the beach where he had last left someone important behind. He thought he could taste the ghost of gasoline and fire and burning flesh as he remembered burying his mother’s scorched bones and turning his back on her, running the other direction. That time he had left his phone behind, ditched his last physical connection to his mother and fake name he’d been using.

Neil’s knees suddenly felt weak and he stumbled over to the closest wall, sliding to the floor as he wrangled his phone from his pocket. He flipped it open and in his haste clicked the wrong button twice before calling up the right contact.

The contact name only said “Marsh.” Neil doubted anyone would be going through his phone but with the very limited amount of numbers he did have stored, he hadn’t wanted this number to stand out. 

It was only when his finger was hovering over the call button that his body finally froze again. Everything in his mind was screaming at him to push the button, place the call, tell the Marshals his cover was blown, his true name was out, he needed to get out of here now, now, now. But at the same time a small part of his mind that refused to be beaten back yelled at him to stop running, to stop being a rabbit, to stand with the friends he’d made and not give up the only true family he’d ever found. 

It felt like his whole body was threatening to shake apart as his mind warred with itself, panic and indecision making his bones quake and his breath quiver. He felt like if he waited any longer it wouldn’t matter, because all that would be left of Neil Josten would be broken pieces and shattered glass.

The sound of a card key and electronic lock startled Neil out of his thoughts and back to reality. He dropped his phone because of the full body flinch that followed when the door was shoved open only to thud loudly against the latch, only an inch or two of light shining through the crack.

“Neil,” a voice ground out. He recognized it instantly as Andrew’s. “Open the damn door.”

Neil remained silent, eyes fixated on his dropped phone, breath frozen like ice in his chest. He felt as if he breathed then the ice would break into shards and pierce his insides. 

“Neil,” came Andrew’s voice again. “I know you’re in there.”

Neil couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t reach out, couldn’t run.

“Breathe, idiot. You better not pass out.”

Andrew’s comment spurred his body into action. He took one shaky inhale that felt like it tore him open on the way down. He leaned over his knees to try to lessen the pain of it, anchoring his shaking hands in his hair as he closed his eyes and blocked out the world. He couldn’t face anyone right now, especially not Andrew. He didn’t know how to. He had always been a jumble of lies walking a tight line, a house of cards waiting to cave inward. Riko had delivered that tipping point, that final blow, and he felt as if the person his friends had known was falling through his fingertips.

Neil distantly heard the door close and he squeezed his eyes shut. It was for the best that everyone left him. He had told Andrew before: he was better off alone. 

The door rattled again but he ignored it, instead trying to get his fraying mind to focus on what he needed to do next. It was difficult when the black hole of his panic was looming so largely, threatening to engulf everything.

Neil had just sucked in another shuddering breath when he heard a sound from by the door followed by quick footsteps. He tensed, body and mind primed to flee, but something in him stilled when a familiar hand lightly settled upon the back of his neck.

“Breathe, Neil,” Andrew said, his voice unyielding as always. 

Neil tried to obey the command but his lungs weren’t cooperating. He couldn’t manage anything past these shattered, shallow gulps of air.

Neil felt Andrew take one of his hands and place it on his chest. He didn’t look up or open his eyes, instead desperately focusing on what Andrew was giving him. He felt the warmth radiating off Andrew and memorized how his heartbeat felt under his fingertips, pounding in a strong and solid rhythm that Neil latched onto. He tried to mimic the slow rise and fall of his chest and willed his breathing to sync with Andrew’s. It felt as if it took days, weeks, years, a lifetime, but eventually Neil roped his breathing into a normal rhythm and slowed his thundering heartbeat to a slightly lesser pace.

Neil tried to convince himself to unbury his face from his knees but he couldn’t find the courage. He’d been hidden for so long, he didn’t know how to face someone in a state this vulnerable, when his past was so close to breaking through the surface.

Andrew must have sensed that Neil was slightly more under control now, because he gripped the hand Neil had on his chest and moved it aside, though he didn’t let go of his wrist. 

“Neil. Look at me.”

Neil didn’t move. 

“Neil,” Andrew repeated with a squeeze to the back of his neck.

Neil slowly tilted his head up to meet Andrew’s eyes. He knew what his gaze must look like to Andrew: hollow, blackened, emptied out. But Andrew didn’t flinch away. Instead his own eyes flickered with something like recognition. 

They stared at each other and breathed in the quiet, neither seeming to know where exactly to go from here. Neil didn’t think he’d be the one to speak first, but when minutes had gone by with no words, he couldn’t keep his from spilling out of his mouth. 

“It’s true,” he whispered, voice raspy and as hollow as his chest. “What Riko said was true.”

“Not all of it,” Andrew replied. The even sureness of his voice threatened to combat the hollowness Neil was feeling.

“No, not all of it,” he agreed. “But he was right that I’m not really Neil Josten. That I’m not real.”

Andrew let go out his wrist and grabbed his chin, forcing Neil to directly meet his eyes.

“No,” Andrew said, the word leaving no room for argument. “That is the part he got wrong. Just because he once knew you as Nathaniel,” Neil couldn’t help flinching at the name but Andrew didn’t loosen his grip, “doesn’t mean that’s still who you are, Neil. You are the only person who gets to choose that. Not Riko, not your past, not WITSEC, not me, not the Foxes. You do. Look me in the eye and make a choice. Who are you?”

Neil’s throat went dry. Andrew said these words as if it really was that simple, make a choice right here, right now, and have it become his truth. Life had never been that simple for him, why would it ever start now?

Neil tried to shake his head but Andrew wouldn’t let go of his chin.

“Neil, I won’t let you run until you give me an answer.”

“It’s not that simple,” Neil forced out.

“It can be if you let it,” Andrew insisted.

“No, it’s not,” said Neil. He felt frustration rise up in him and he pulled back out of Andrew’s grip, even if all it accomplished was him banging his back into the wall. His knees still felt weak but he forced himself up with the help of the wall, Andrew following his movements. 

Neil ignored Andrew but instead of walking to the door leading to the hallway and escape, he walked over to the closed double doors of the balcony. He put his hands on the glass, barely registering the chill that seeped into them, and focused on his faint reflection. Red hair, blue eyes, and scars greeted him. His father’s face but marked like his father never had been since he’d never been opposite of a knife quite like his son.

Andrew’s distorted reflection appeared over his shoulder and Neil had the sudden desire to explain to Andrew exactly why it could never be as simple as he claimed.

“Take a turn, Andrew,” Neil said.

“It’s your turn, not mine.”

“I don’t care. Take a turn.”

Andrew remained silent, even now not risking an unbalance in their delicate exchange of truths.

Neil huffed out his frustration and leaned his forehead on the cool glass. “You are a criminology major, right?”

“Yes,” Andrew said.

“Ever heard of the Butcher of Baltimore?”

Neil closed his eyes briefly, not wanting to risk seeing recognition in Andrew’s eyes, not wanting to know his answer.

“Died a few years back,” Neil continued before Andrew could answer. “Resulting cases were all over the news. The details of his death were never quite right in the media though. Want to know what really happened? Because I can tell you. I was there. He got shot because he was too distracted with his plans for butchering me, his long lost son, Nathaniel Wesninski.” It felt like all the cold from the glass had seeped into Neil’s voice. “Same day I got these,” he said, gesturing to his face. “Quite some others too. He was about to take his cleaver to my legs, ensure I could never run from him again, when the Feds showed up and shot him dead in front of my eyes. I somehow avoided those bullets and wound up in Witness Protection. They shipped me off to Palmetto to start a new, fake life and told me if anyone found out who I was, they could pull me out and set me up somewhere else. Make Neil Josten disappear. So that’s why this isn’t _simple_ , Andrew, not a real choice. You know, Riko knows, the Foxes know. I should make the call and leave before Riko leaks the story, so none of you are in danger because of who I am.”

Andrew was silent as he digested Neil’s words, the only sound Neil’s quick breathing that fogged up the glass in front of him. He reached out to trail a finger through the condensation, leaving his mark.

“You’re an idiot,” Andrew said.

Neil didn’t grace that with a response.

“Your father is dead. How many of his people are still out there?”

Neil again didn’t answer.

“The Marshals let you play Class I Exy on a high profile team. Your name is on news sites after every game and flashed across screens nationwide when the sports channels pick up games. How many of his people are really out there and pose a threat to you?”

“The last one of his inner circle was caught and killed less than a month ago. You picked me up after I heard it happened.”

Andrew stepped up to Neil’s side but kept facing the glass doors. “His inner circle is dead. Is there really anyone else that poses that big of a threat?”

“It doesn’t matter that there isn’t,” Neil countered. “The point is I’m a danger to everyone around me. I was born into a world of blood and pain and that’s going to follow me everywhere I go. I can’t bring that down upon those around me. And once they know who I really am they won’t want it either.”

“Do you even know your friends, Neil? If you really did you would realize that what you’re saying is bullshit. The Foxes are stronger than that. If you would stop thinking about running and stand your ground for one second you would realize that they would never let you go over this.”

Neil didn’t want to believe Andrew, didn’t want his words to lodge in his chest and displace the panic with small tendrils of hope. But if the Foxes had taught him anything, it was that hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, something that could rarely be stopped once it caught hold and began to bloom. His mother’s voice tried to crush it but Andrew’s was closer, stronger, more fresh in Neil’s mind.

It was a question he had asked himself many times but it grew in his mind again: could he really have this? Could he have the Foxes, his spot on the Foxhole Court, a life as Neil Josten? Could he have something this real without it crumbing beneath his feet?

“What about you?” Neil asked, this thing unfurling in his chest pushing the words out his mouth before he was sure he really wanted to ask them. 

“What about me?” Andrew asked back, turning away from the view outside and facing Neil, leaning his shoulder on the glass door.

Neil’s heart leapt into his throat as he realized what he was about to ask. He almost backed down, but then he remembered he’d spent his whole life taking risks and somehow he was still alive and everything had brought him to this point. He was a phone call away from making Neil Josten disappear and losing everything he had ever wanted. He was a question away from the possibility of being real, of gaining everything he’d ever needed. He’d been drifting for weeks, months, years, his whole life. He reached out for an anchor.

“You said the Foxes are strong,” Neil said, voice wavering but firm, questioning but tinged with the slightest of hope. “That they won’t let me go over this. What about you? Would you let me go?”

The question hung in the air between them, slowly gaining weight as the past few weeks were added to it. Truths exchanged and secrets kept, pain exposed and scars unmasked, deals made and intentions changed, the acknowledgment that something fake may have become something real.

Andrew reached past this weighted question to curve his hand around Neil’s jaw and turn Neil towards him. 

“Yes or no, Neil?” he asked, hazel eyes intense.

“Yes,” Neil answered back with no hesitation.

Andrew leaned forward and crushed their lips together. His hand slid into Neil’s hair and the other went to his hip, pulling him closer. Neil reached out a hand to steady himself against the balcony door as his knees again felt weak but this time for an entirely different reason. He couldn’t fight the shiver that went through him as Andrew’s tongue slipped into his mouth, didn’t want to fight it. Andrew’s kiss was all-encompassing, grounding, and unyielding all in one. Neil’s mother had held him up for years but he was never her equal. He had to rely on her and follow her every order, or risk punishment when he didn’t. Andrew was someone he could lean on without the risk of hurt or pain. They could lean on each other, depend on each other, keep their balance together.

Andrew pulled away a few inches and met Neil’s gaze. “Stay, Neil,” he said, as if it was that simple.

“I will,” he promised, and leaned back in to kiss Andrew again. Maybe it was that simple.

They kissed for another eternity before Andrew once again pulled back, leaning his forehead against Neil’s as Neil fought to catch his breath. 

“Neil,” Andrew said.

Neil hummed, content, not wanting to open his eyes and face anything beyond the two of them. 

“I told the others we weren’t really dating.”

Neil’s breath caught in his throat for a moment as he registered those words. Another lie exposed to his friends that he would inevitably have to face. Small flecks of panic began to rise once again.

“Why?” he asked, opening his eyes in time to see Andrew’s jaw clench. 

“All Aaron focused on from Riko’s rant was his claim that you could collar me,” Andrew said, forcing the words out from between his teeth. Neil could tell he didn’t want to go down this path, didn’t want to think about this, so he didn’t question it further.

“Okay,” Neil murmured. “I’ll find a way to explain it to the others. And-”

Andrew smoothed his hands down Neil’s neck, settling the panic that had been rising in him with that simple motion.

“No,” Andrew said. “I made the deal with you in the first place. I’ll be there when you do it.”

Neil nodded, the movement causing his forehead to bump against Andrew’s. 

“Um,” he hesitated, doubt lingering at the back of his mind in his overwhelmed state. “What will we tell them about now?”

“What about now?” Andrew asked blankly.

Neil chewed on his lip and gestured between them. “We’ll tell them about it being fake before. What is this now?”

"There is no this," Andrew said, the words coming out as if by reflex.

Neil shook his head slightly, nose bumping Andrew's. "I thought we only tell each other the truth."

Andrew sighed, his hot breath passing over Neil’s lips. “Do you need everything spelled out for you?”

“I’m an idiot, remember?”

“I told you to stay, Neil. I mean what I say.”

Neil nodded, relief coursing through his veins. He was real. This was real. Everything would be fine.

Andrew pushed him away and pulled out his phone. “Go clean up,” was all he said.

Neil didn’t hesitate in unzipping his packed bag and pulling clothes out. He wasn’t running anymore. He took a quick shower to wash away the stress of the past few hours and stepped out to find Andrew waiting for him. 

“The others are going to want to talk,” he said.

Neil nodded since he’d been expecting it. “Tomorrow. I’m too exhausted to handle that right now.”

Andrew shot off another text and headed towards the bathroom.

“I’ll call my contact with the Marshals tomorrow too,” Neil said.

Andrew stilled but didn’t turn to face him. “Why?” he asked, voice flat.

“Maybe they can do something about Riko before he spills this to anyone who will listen. I won’t ask them for anything else though. I’m not leaving.”

Some of the tension that had quickly gathered in Andrew’s shoulders dissipated and he continued to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Neil hung his suit up and climbed into bed, staring at the ceiling. Andrew knew who he had been and he wanted him to stay. He could continue being Neil Josten. He could have this. 

* * *

Neil sat on the end of the bed, legs crisscrossed in front of him, hands folded in his lap, staring down at his scarred, white knuckled grip. It wasn’t even noon yet and he felt exhausted.

The first thing he’d done upon waking up and realizing what he would have to face that day was to steal one of Andrew’s cigarettes and take it out to the balcony. He’d let the smoke that was beginning to remind him more of Andrew than his mother center him and made the call to Sturn.  
Sturn had answered quickly and listened as Neil laid out what happened. Neil had expected the man to demand he pack up and leave, get ready to change identities and move out, but he was instead furious about learning a former Marshal had identified Neil’s background as one fabricated by WITSEC. He assured Neil they would handle it and even said they would confront Riko about it, as someone threatening to reveal the identity of a person under their protection was something they were fully entitled to deal with and prevent. 

Neil had felt a huge relief at that, that the Marshals would either intimidate Riko into silence or threaten to charge him if he endangered one of their people. Sturn had then brought up the topic of Neil leaving, but he seemed to know Neil’s answer before he said it. He didn’t fight him on it, instead saying with Wesninski’s inner circle handled and other minor members out of the picture, Neil was in the least amount of danger he’d been in in years. 

Neil had hung up after that and told Andrew the news, relief and hope spreading through his veins like wildfire. Andrew was too calm to get caught up in it, but he’d seemed his own kind of relieved, evident by the decreased tension in his frame once the call had been finished. 

After that, the Foxes had slowly filtered into their room in varying states of awareness. Matt and Dan were worried as always, coming over to hug Neil as soon as they entered. Kevin and Nicky both looked hungover, but surprisingly Aaron wasn’t. Andrew didn’t meet Aaron’s gaze even though his twin kept staring at him. Allison and Renee entered looking a mixture of tired and happy and uneasy. Neil felt guilty over putting a damper on what was supposed to only be a happy day for them. Kylee, Gino, and Chelsea arrived last, mostly looking confused.

Once they were all seated Neil had jumped right in before he could falter. He told them of his childhood, of growing up as Nathaniel Wesninski, of years of running and his mother’s death. He told them how his father died and how he came to Palmetto. He told them how much it meant that after everything in his life he was able to join the Foxes and finally find a place where he belonged on the Foxhole Court. Andrew pressed their knees together when Neil quickly explained the deal Andrew had proposed to him and why he had lied to them all about it.

Now, he continued staring down at his scarred hands as the Foxes digested his story. He felt as if he was awaiting the jury’s verdict. Would they condemn him or exonerate him?

Matt was the first to make a move. He slowly stood up from where he had been sitting against a wall with Dan. He let go of her hand as he made his way over and stood in front of Neil. 

“Neil,” Matt said, and the sound of his voice made Neil’s head jerk up. 

Matt’s eyes were filled with such sadness that Neil’s heart clenched.

“I understand why you couldn’t tell us the truth. Witness Protection is a serious thing to be caught up in. But did you really think last night when we found out that we wouldn’t want you here anymore?”

Neil’s throat dried up. It sounded stupid when Matt said it like that.

“I had to stop him from calling the Marshals and moving on to a new identity last night,” Andrew spoke up, voice flat and emotionless.

Neil turned his head to glare at him for telling everyone that, guilt rising in his stomach. Andrew didn’t look at him, just kept his gaze on the wall. He knew why Andrew had told them though. Neil wouldn’t have been capable of getting those words out. And he expected Andrew wanted him to see just how stupid he was for thinking the others would have let him get away with that.

That thought was proven as the Foxes all clamored to be heard over one another, as they threw out noises and words of disbelief that Neil had almost run.

“Neil!” Dan exclaimed, jumping to her feet and rushing over. “Son of a mob boss or not, we are Foxes. We would never let you disappear on us like that.”

“You would’ve really left Exy behind over this?” Kevin asked, voice indignant.

“Neil, your past would never prevent us from being your friends,” Renee said, the only calm voice among the noise.

“What the fuck, Neil?” Allison asked. “You can’t get rid of us that easy.”

“Who would laugh at Kevin with me if you left?” Kylee asked, matching Kevin’s indignant tone.

The room broke into laughter at that as Kevin rolled his eyes. Even Neil couldn’t help the small smile that flitted over his lips. 

“I know,” he said as everyone quieted down. “And I’m sorry. I’d never told anyone my whole past before, not anyone who mattered. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Matt swooped down to hug him, Dan joining in. 

“There’s nothing to forgive, Neil. We’re just glad you’re here.”

They stepped back and Neil was again overcome by that feeling of hope from the night before.

“But wait,” said Nicky, looking around. “Aren’t we forgetting the most important part?”

“Nicky,” Andrew warned, finally breaking away from staring at the wall to glare at his cousin.

Aaron’s gaze narrowed as he looked from Nicky to Andrew to Neil.

Renee smiled as if she already knew what it meant that Andrew was sitting an inch away from Neil on the bed.

Nicky looked away from Andrew, not able to hold his glare any longer. Andrew flicked a glance at Neil before focusing on his sleeves, fiddling with the edge of his armband. 

“I told Neil to stay,” he said.

Kevin nodded and leaned back against the wall as if this was what he’d expected and he was content with the outcome. Nicky understood his cousin more than most and covered his mouth to hide his smile. Aaron’s eyes widened slightly in surprise and he crossed his arms. It would probably take a while for Aaron to trust Neil after all the things Riko had spilled last night. 

The others looked to Neil and Renee in their confusion. Neil gave a small shrug but couldn’t keep his lips from twitching at the thought that Andrew had just admitted to this room of people, to Neil’s family, that he wanted Neil to stay. 

The others didn’t seem to fully understand what had transpired but Neil didn’t need them to. They had accepted him, wanted him to stay, regarded him as family. They didn’t care about his past and wouldn’t give up Neil Josten. 

Neil was home.


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I can't quite believe it but we've made it to the end! I've greatly appreciated all your comments and kudos along the way, so thank you all very much <3 and thanks to my beta reader Kit, who has been so helpful throughout my writing of this fic. also, if there's anything from this AU that wasn't included in this fic that you would like to read, feel free to send me prompts on tumblr, you can find me at whenwordsflyoffthepage. I'd love to write more or anything you come up with!

Andrew had always said that he never did anything he didn’t want to. It was a statement he believed and stood by. But now, once again surrounded by loud fans and cheering imbeciles and so much _orange_ , he realized that if he maintained that assertion, then people would think he actually wanted to be here at the NCAA Championship Exy game. He didn’t know how to feel about that.

Nicky’s yell almost had him wanting to cover his ears as the goal lit up red, Kevin scoring to tie up the game 9-9. There was only ten minutes left on the clock and both the Ravens and the Foxes were running on fumes.

The game had been brutal so far. Multiple Ravens had already been red carded along with Shaun from the Foxes, Sheena now on court to replace the backliner. Kevin and Neil especially had taken a few hits but neither stayed down for long. Both had too much to prove with this game. Too much to prove to the world and to Riko. 

Andrew had been carefully watching Riko. It didn’t seem he’d said anything to Kevin or Neil yet but Andrew didn’t miss how he seemed to be looking their way when play was paused on the court. Apparently Marshal Sturn from WITSEC had cowed him enough for him not to risk anything more direct.

Andrew didn’t believe in regret, but he did wish he could have been present to see the look on Riko’s face when he was confronted by the Marshal. Neil had relayed what Sturn had told him, that he’d taken care of the man who Riko had paid to look into Neil and Andrew’s backgrounds and that he’d told Riko in no uncertain terms what would happen if he was caught threatening to reveal the identity of a protected witness. 

They hadn’t heard anything from Riko since the wedding, though the media had a field day in gossiping about Riko’s grand departure from Renee and Allison’s wedding. When asked by some reporters, Allison had given a few choice words that set the media to speculating Riko’s sterling reputation and whether something more was going on. All that mattered in the end was that Riko was no longer a threat and had bigger things to worry about, like his crumbling fake persona, than terrorizing Kevin or Neil. 

On court Neil once again gained possession of the ball. In response Matt and Dan stood up and waved around their hideous bright orange sign with Neil’s name on it, cheering him on as he passed to Kylee before his backliner mark could steal the ball from him. 

At least last time Neil had convinced him to come to a game it had only been Aaron and Nicky with him. Now their row was filled with former Foxes and the current Foxes’ family members, turning it into a glorified cheering section. Not that the real cheering section was much better, Andrew thought as he followed Aaron’s gaze to where Katelyn and her fellow Vixens had started up another cheer.

Things had been tense between Aaron and Andrew after the wedding. Andrew had been of the opinion that they should ignore Riko’s words, but Aaron had other ideas. He knew better than to bring up his questions when Neil was around, but whenever he caught Andrew alone he tried to get answers. Andrew had told Bee what Riko said and what little Aaron inferred from it. Bee told him maybe it was time to stop hiding his own past, to give Aaron the truth. Andrew had been vehemently against the idea until he brought up Bee’s suggestion to Neil. Neil just shrugged and said opening up about his past had been terrifying but also one of the best things he’d ever done. Andrew didn’t think it would apply to himself quite the same way but it got him to thinking. Eventually he told Bee he was willing to try.

So two months ago Aaron had attended one of Andrew’s sessions with Bee. It had been awkward at first, sessions filled with painful truths and not talking to each other once they left Bee’s office, not knowing how to move forward from this. Over the past month things had gotten better though, were slowly heading back to normal, not that their normal had ever been anyone else’s version of normal. Aaron still seemed undecided on Neil but Andrew didn’t think it’d last much longer. It helped that Aaron had known Neil before Andrew met him, that he already had an opinion on Neil before he got involved with Andrew. 

The clock overhead flashed one minute, pulling Andrew from his thoughts. The crowd’s anticipation was like a living thing. People were cheering and stomping their feet around the stadium as the Foxes once again gained possession of the ball, Ollie passing it up the court to Kylee. Everyone in Andrew’s row was leaning forward in their seats as the seconds ticked down, Aaron focusing back on the court while Nicky chattered away in his nervousness. 

Kylee tossed the ball high so it rebounded off the ceiling and came down a few feet in front of Neil. Neil was ready and quickly snagged it, a step ahead of his backliner as he raced down the court straight towards the goal. It seemed he was going to take the shot, but Andrew saw Kevin racing along to get in position on the far side of the goal, his backliner distracted as they watched Neil pull back his racquet to take a swing. But instead of aiming for goal, Neil turned at the last second to send off an impossible pass to Kevin. The sudden change in direction of his shot left Neil open to being run down by his mark and they went tumbling to the floor. Kevin twisted his racquet to catch Neil’s pass and within a second fired back at the goal. The Raven goalie was too slow in realizing what happened and wasn’t close enough to stop it. The goal lit up red.

The crowd jumped to its feet and cheered, Nicky’s popcorn going everywhere as he practically threw it in his excitement. The noise almost covered the sound of the buzzer that signaled the end of the game, 10-9 in the Foxes’ favor. 

Andrew didn’t join in on the yelling and hugging going on among his group as he watched Neil slowly peeled himself up off the court from where he’d went down. He tore off his helmet and Andrew’s pulse settled and picked up again. He looked to be fine but was smiling deliriously as his teammates converged on him.

The Foxes formed a pile as they hugged each other, the Ravens staring up at the score as if they couldn’t believe they had lost. 

Andrew watched closely as the teams lined up at center court to do the obligatory handshake and noticed as the incredulous and furious expression on Riko’s face grew, for first Kevin, then Neil, then Kylee, Chelsea, and Gino all lowered their hands instead of shaking his, looking forward and not acknowledging the bastard at all. Riko stomped off the court quickly, the rest of the Ravens following their pathetic king in defeat. 

After that they had to sit through the presentation of the championship trophy, Kevin accepting it as captain then passing it around to the rest of the team. The Foxes all looked dazed as they took their turn with it, as if even they couldn’t quite believe this was happening. The crowd was in an uproar again as the presentation ended and the press was allowed on court for interviews and pictures with the players and the ERC officials who brought the trophy. 

Slowly the many fans began to filter out, the orange clad ones rowdy and elated while the black clad ones had all left by now. Andrew’s row remained, waiting for the Foxes to step off the court.

When they were finally done with the press, the Foxes rushed over, leaning over the railing to hug loved ones and greet friends. Matt practically tipped head first over the railing in trying to congratulate Neil and Dan had to tug on the back of his shirt to keep him upright. Kevin went to Thea and Andrew thought he heard him already going over his last goal. Aaron wandered off to the Vixens to find Katelyn and Nicky joined Renee and Allison in greeting Kylee.

Andrew watched as Neil took a step back from the commotion, a pleased expression on his face as he took in his friends and family celebrating with their loved ones. He looked over to Andrew and inclined his head in the direction of the locker rooms. Andrew nodded and turned to walk up the steps to where he knew the employees only entrance lay that would gain him access to the Foxes’ lounge.

When he stepped into the lounge, Neil was just coming down the hallway, having dropped his helmet somewhere and shred off his gloves. He looked up to meet Andrew’s eyes and his face lit up, his smile causing Andrew’s heart to skip a beat.

“We won,” Neil said, sounding breathless over the thought and stopping a few feet in front of Andrew.

“I noticed,” Andrew replied.

Neil’s smile grew wider. “Yes or no, Andrew?”

“Yes.”

Neil stepped forward just as Andrew did. Andrew’s hands went to tangle in Neil’s hair and he pulled him close, crashing their lips together. Neil swayed on his feet, probably exhausted with the effort he put into making sure the Foxes won, and Andrew reached out to steady him with a hand on his hip. With his other hand he moved Neil’s to his shoulder. 

“Just here,” he mumbled, and Neil nodded as he started to kiss a line down Andrew’s throat.

A door down the hall crashed open, filling with the voices of Neil’s teammates. Neil went to pull back but Andrew pulled him in for one last kiss before pushing him away. 

“Go shower,” he said.

“Fine,” Neil said, though his smile didn’t waver. “Wait for me?”

“Yes.”

Neil walked backwards a few steps, as if he didn’t want to look away from Andrew yet, before he turned on his heel and raced back to the locker rooms. His teammates grew louder as they greeted him as if they hadn’t just played a whole game on the same court together, their excitement spilling out of the locker rooms and down the hall.

Andrew sat on one of the couches and he again heard a door open, this time the one he had come in earlier, signaling the rest of the former Foxes and family members were heading to the lounge.

But Andrew didn’t mind as Aaron and Nicky came to sit next to him, Katelyn and Thea hovering nearby. He didn’t mind Matt, Dan, Renee, and Allison’s excited conversation as they began to plan how to celebrate the win in style. He didn’t mind Wymack’s gruff voice pretending to be annoyed with the amount of people filling up the space.

Andrew and his family would graduate in a few weeks and go their separate ways, but they wouldn’t be leaving each other forever. Nicky would demand he visit, Aaron would keep tabs on him, Kevin would pester him with daily phone calls. And Neil would be staying at Palmetto, ready for Andrew to visit him any time. And when he eventually went pro as Kevin insisted he would, maybe Andrew would follow him to a new city. 

For most of his life, Andrew had never bothered looking that far forward into the future, usually more concerned with the immediate trouble surrounding him and those he called family. But maybe the future wouldn’t be such an unknown anymore. Maybe it would be something to look forward to. Because despite all odds, he’d finally found something and someone that wouldn’t hurt him to hold on to, and he wasn’t planning on letting that go.


End file.
